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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To beg for help with my crying baby!!

53 replies

TheHonSaucyJane · 04/05/2018 10:38

DD2 is 5 and a half weeks and does three things: sleep, eat - and cry. If she's awake and not feeding, she's crying pretty much all the time. She cries when you hold her; she cries when you walk around with her; she cries when you sit her upright; she cries when you wind her; she cries when you put her in the bouncy chair; she cries when you put her on the playgym... no sign of any smiles yet, that's for sure . The health visitor pulled a cat's bum face on Monday when I said she hadn't smiled yet and said she'd come back to check next week.

The constant screaming is beginning to wear me down and make me feel like I'm failing her.

She's a pretty good sleeper at night and is happy to lie flat on her back in the cot. She doesn't spit up much, and she doesn't arch her back or pull up her legs, so I don't really think it can be reflux or too much wind. She's EBF and we give her infacol (although I've never known if it works or if it's a parental placebo!). However she's not great at settling during the day, unless it's back in her quiet cot (my first slept anywhere and everywhere and through anything during the day, but was awake all night).

I'm beginning to panic that she just hates the world and everything in it. Did anyone else have a baby like this, and did they stop crying and start smiling any time soon-ish?

OP posts:

romany4 · 04/05/2018 12:51

My ds2 was like this. He cried constantly, was EBF, colicky as well.
He wouldn't take a dummy at all, ever. I also had a 2 year old to look after and DH worked away from home.
He couldn't be put down at all so I just carried him in a sling everywhere even when I was doing housework!
He also didn't smile till about 9 weeks and I was panicking.

He didn't cheer up till he was about 18 months (sorry). Seemed to have a complete personality change once he was mobile ( late walker as well)

Hang on there. You're doing a fab job

MacNcheese87 · 04/05/2018 13:00

I could have written this post a few months ago!

My little girl cried non stop from birth-8 weeks. There was a marked improvement after 6 weeks (hang in there) and after 8 weeks, they begin to smile and look around more. Your little girl doesn't hate the world, she's just finding adapting to the world a bit tricky. Have you read up on the forth trimester?

Sorry I haven't had chance to read the other replies (said baby is waking up from her nap), but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. We are not alone.

My little girl would scream all day when she was awake, she even woke up to scream sometimes. It was very very hard, but it does pass. It will Pass.

Top tips I can remember:
Swaddling. We had to swaddle in 30 degree heat, it was awful but the best we could do.
Taking turns. I rocked and soothed her until I could take no more, then I'd give her to DH and he'd do the same.
Dummy. We hardly use this anymore, but couldn't have been without one.
Rock n play. Best invention in the entire world. Please look into this! It changed our life and it gave us freedom to sleep downstairs with her if one of us needed a break. They sleep so well in them!
Patience. She cannot cry forever. She will smile soon enough. (More likely 8 weeks than 6!)

You're in the home straight now, next big change is 6 weeks.

MacNcheese87 · 04/05/2018 13:02

Just to add. I have a photo of my DD with her eyes open at 6-7 weeks. Not a big deal to many but I took it to send it to my DH and said 'Look! It's eyes are open and it's not crying!'

Original poster

TheHonSaucyJane · 04/05/2018 13:21

Thanks everyone, the replies are making me feel much better.

I had to laugh, MAC - I thought DP and I were the only couple dreadful enough to refer to our children lovingly as "it"

OP posts:

EthelHornsby · 04/05/2018 13:28

My second child was like this - she slept about 6 hours at night, but otherwise was either feeding or yelling. I think if she’d been my first she’d have been an only child! I found carrying her in a sling almost constantly helped, but made housework/cooking a bit awkward. I went back to work part time when she was about 4 months, so must have stopped by then

deptfordgirl · 04/05/2018 13:37

I think that's fairly normal unfortunately! My son was like this so I just fed him all the time. I have a newborn daughter who also seems to cry whenever she is awake (she is asleep a lot) but I'm not able to feed her so much as have to look after my son so she is getting more used to being soothed in other ways. It does get better soon though!

Ellasshitholekitchenpjpiigp · 04/05/2018 13:40

try a dummy. My DD was like this, I remember my parents coming to give us s break they took her out on the pram and I could here her screaming from the top of the street! We also had a swing chair that vibrated and played music at the same time, we used to put her in that with all the settings on max!! I agree it is the hardest time - your doing a great job and it does get easier x

ladybirdsaredotty · 04/05/2018 14:00

Ha a PP has reminded me of my mum saying oh yes, it's ok to leave them to grumble for a bit in their cot...then she came round and was at the screaming and got what I meant! She thought I was being PFB by not putting her down ever before that.

Also I remember remarking to my sister that DD had 'only' cries for about 7 hours that day. I was genuinely pleased, she was

helpconfused · 04/05/2018 14:03

I had this with DS. Dr said it wasn't colic and wasn't reflux. I ended up taking him to a cranial osteopath on advice from the NICU nurse as he had a traumatic birth and 5 sessions later he was like a different child.

NoParticularPattern · 04/05/2018 14:39

I could have written this OP! My little girl is 11 weeks and for about the past 3 weeks has just hated life a lot of the time. Weirdly she does sleep ok on a night once she’s had a bath but man the days can be bad. She wasn’t really a dedicated cryer until about three weeks ago when she apparently just found out how much noise she can make! Like you I have had her checked out by everyone and they all say she is fine- no being sick, no back arching or obvious pain signs. Just inconsolable crying if she’s not asleep or feeding- and sometimes trying to get her to do either of those makes her cry too!! If I can spend a whole day sat on the sofa from the moment she wakes then often I can have a good day, but sadly I do have things that I need to get done which require, at the very least, getting off my backside and usually leaving the house. The car seat is one of her new favourite places to scream which she hasn’t done since she was tiny. But what can you do when you’re stuck on a busy A road in traffic on your own?!

I don’t really know what the solution is, but I’m hoping that at some point it will get better and I’ll be able to stop scoring days on a scale of 1-Satan spawn. Today is roughly a 4, but there’s time yet I suppose!!

threelittlesoliders · 04/05/2018 15:31

I remember this all too well with DS3.
A dummy, baby wearing (in a wrap), and daily fresh air helped big time.
I think it lasted for about 6/7 weeks, so it may be coming to an end for you soon (fingers crossed) .

DiddimusStench · 04/05/2018 15:52

IM THERE WITH YOU!!

Or at least I was up until a couple of days ago when things dramatically improved. ‘It’s’ () just turned 3 months. There’s a lovely growth spurt around 5/6 weeks which could account for some of it. Have you read The Wonder Weeks or got the app? It’s not perfect but it really goes a long way to explaining what’s going on in their head when they’re screaming beasts of burden. We used dentinox as I’m sure she had colic. I think it helped but I can’t be sure, like you say, could be a placebo!

It all got better then worse again after her 8 week jabs (we ended up at A&E on 111s advice that time!) then better for what felt like the shortest amount of time and then back to square one until a couple of days ago. I wailed and wailed and wailed. At points thought she was an unhappy child, there’s no hope, maybe there’s something wrong with her I can’t see...

We got over it. She’s fine now

I DO remember this with my first though and she’s a very happy child. I DO remember the crying settled around 4 months.

Hang in there

DiddimusStench · 04/05/2018 15:54

Just to add, a sling, dummy and white noise have been my absolute life savers

Original poster

TheHonSaucyJane · 04/05/2018 16:24

Oh yes, the white noise app is the one thing she DOES like!

I just don't remember my first doing this, but maybe I've blocked it out..... otherwise nobody would have more than one, right?!

OP posts:

Mumminmum · 04/05/2018 17:02

If you are breastfeeding, try removing lemon, vinegar, coffein, chili and peppers from your diet. I got that list from my SIL who got it from her midwife. Also make sure the D-vitamins you give your baby do not contain peanut oil. For my DN getting a D-vitamin only took some of his problems, but then they started massaging his feet and that helped.

Mumminmum · 04/05/2018 17:02

I meant "him getting a D-vitamin without peanut oil helped"

Confusedbeetle · 04/05/2018 17:08

There are some babies who inexplicably cry until 3 months then stop. Most of the solution-reasons are actually just guesses. Most of the colic cures are useless or placebo. incluc=ding infacol. There is no evidence that it is gas. For most parents it's about doing whatever you can to sooth, walking out in the buggy, (walking is often more therapeutic for the parent and helps you feel less helpless. Get support from friends and family to take a turn. If your baby is thriving, putting on weight etc unlikely to have a problem. Lack of smiles is not an issue at this age.

FranticallyPeaceful · 04/05/2018 17:10

Milk protein intolerance! Look into it damn near saved my life

DiddimusStench · 04/05/2018 17:17

otherwise nobody would have more than one, right?!

Exactly. I don’t feel like it was as bad with my first but DH reliably informs me I was at the end of my tether with her too! I think time has a numbing effect, rather like the hormones after childbirth...

It WILL pass. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Really do get The Wonder Weeks app though.

HoneyWheeler · 04/05/2018 17:23

Try getting her reassessed for tongue tie as well - even if you had it checked before, sometimes they miss it! This happened to the Unmumsy Mum and she had a really tough time with her most recent baby

Tiredtomybones · 04/05/2018 17:34

DS was like this. I found that feeding him as soon as he started crying, even if he'd just been fed, solved the problem. It felt like all he did was feed but he was so small at birth and filled out very quickly. He was much more settled by 8 weeks. Still fed loads though. A dummy definitely helped him me.

Pengggwn · 04/05/2018 17:43

Infacol worked for my daughter.

Lou0390 · 04/05/2018 18:01

My DS was similar and was diagnosed with silent reflux (they don't throw up) once he was treated for this he was a different baby.

Original poster

TheHonSaucyJane · 04/05/2018 23:06

It could be nothing or one of many things, is what I am taking from this . Plus DP is adamant our first was like this.......

she's flat out on me now, looking like butter wouldn't melt, but it's time to transfer to the crib and I'm dreading it!

OP posts:

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/05/2018 23:10

The crying is hard. I remember crying along with dd. Things I found that helped during the day were her swing - she enjoyed the movement and the music in it.

Does your baby have a mat or a seat with a mobile or something? My dd liked to look at things like that and would give me a tiny little break.

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