To ask for your positive pregnancy/birth/parenting experiences?

[starsandstuff]

I joined because we're just starting out TTC and I was doing lots of research. I've been reading tons of current and old threads and I now consider myself to have had my eyes well and truly opened to the (often literally painful) reality of pregnancy and childbirth, breastfeeding, sleeplessness, the difficulties in parenting newborns and toddlers and teenagers, the demands of juggling work and childcare...you get the idea.

While I'm very grateful to basically have been allowed to eavesdrop on what parents really experience, I'm now totally terrified and frankly rethinking the whole thing! So before I pop the coil back in and book a nice holiday instead I was wondering: if you were being totally honest would you really do it all again? If so, what were/are the experiences that genuinely make all the hard stuff worth while? Thanks.

I didn't have a good labour or newborn experience but I would do it over and over again to get my DS. He is 2 now and the most amazing little person in the whole world who brings me more joy than I thought possible. We have so much fun together and the cuddles and kisses make everything worthwhile. I won't lie and say it is easy but it is so worth it.

I would do it again, but not with the same person if it meant I could have the exact same child with someone else. My advice is to be super confident in your relationship before you have a baby, like really no doubts at all, because babies will change everything. I've only got as far as 6 so far so can't comment on thevjoys of parenting teens, but the early years seem long then suddenly you turn around and you have a proper little person who's loads of fun

Yes, I'd do it again. Its bloody hard work at times, no doubt about it, but absolutely worth it.

I'd also echo what pp said about making sure you're having dc with the right person though. Dh and I had more than ten years together before dc, so knew each other extremely well and are a strong team. That makes it much, much easier and far more enjoyable.

Yes!
I had a relatively trouble free 1st pregnancy, only vomited once and that was during a migraine. I did feel shit throughout though.

I had a home birth and so 1-1 midwife care. My birth was really fucking good. A tiny tear (MW called it a graze) which I didn't notice. I just used my TENS and 2 paracetamol.
Tbf MW only arrived 12 mins before baby arrived but it was all manageable. (She had been out to check me before as well.)
I had hired a birth pool but didn't get it filled in time.
I just kept pacing and counting and she pretty much popped out.
We kept the placenta and buried it under a new tree we planted for her.

I would definitely do it all exactly the same if I could.
(Had 3 MCs since mind so don't count your chickens, meant in the kindest possible way.)

DD is 3 now and she's the best thing I've ever done. She's been an absolute lovely baby, I BF her until she self weaned at 19m, she was a shit sleeper which was hard but nothing has been so awful that I wish I hadn't done it.
She has been a relatively dream toddler too.
Now she talks whole conversations with us, and makes up games and stories and songs and she's just a wonderful little human being.

Good luck!

I won’t go into my birth story because you’ve asked for positive stories, but I would absolutely do it all again for DS. Without sounding mushy he is the absolute light in my (currently) very dark days.

My first birth was painful but the joy holding my daughter was so wonderful I couldn't wait to have my second child.

I delayed ttc due to the scare stories you hear as well as general negative attitudes towards parenting, I think they can almost 'brainwash' us. Fast forward a few years to now and I am so relieved I did eventually take that leap of faith and have a child, it's absolutely the best thing I've ever done, words can't explain the love or meaning it gives, admittedly it's extremely stressful and hard work but the joy it brings far, far outweighs that. Wish I'd had my child sooner now.

Without sounding twee, the delight and joy that wee people bring definitely outweigh the crap bits.

No, pregnancy isn't a total joy - heartburn, constipation, piles, pelvic instability, bloody knackering etc (and I had an 'easy' pregnancy).

Childbirth is far from fun - contractions hurt like an utter bastard, it feels like your insides are about to drop out, and having a baby's head and shoulders exit your vagina is unreal (and I had quick labours).

Babies feed constantly, don't sleep much, and suck the life from you initially.

Then you find yourself with a 4 year old who starts talking at 6am and stops at half 7 at night. A constant string of 'why mummy?'.

But they're fabulous 💕

You will love it! There are days in pregnancy and parenting when you think “what the actual fuck have I done” sometimes more often than you’d like. But it is so worth it. It really is. It’s hard and thankless at times, but the love you feel for your kid trumps all that.

Labour is painful. And sometimes terrifying. And it hurts for a while afterwards and you’ll probably think that you’ll never do it again. But then they give you your baby and as cliche as it sounds, it all makes sense.

Don’t judge your baby on others. Some babies sleep, some don’t. If your doesn’t it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong! That goes with every other milestone.

EVERYTHING is a phase. Just when you think you cannot do one more single second of something they change and it all becomes ok again. Until the next ridiculous issue! Children are glorious, but difficult little buggers at times. But even on your darkest days they’ll smile at you, or go to sleep really easily and you’ll be so glad they are in your life.

It's definitely worth it, that's why some people have more than one!
Just to add a positive sleep related anecdote, mine was a good sleeper from very early so I didn't feel too sleep deprived

Your experience will be your own. It's different levels if shit for everyone. Just dont think it's ever going to be easy and you'll be fine.

Thanks for your replies. I had a lovely chilled weekend with DP and to be honest I'm someone who likes quiet and sleep and I worry that I just will not be able to cope with the hard work. Hats off to all of you! But I suppose I'm thinking mostly of babies and not when they become little people you can talk to. And then they turn into big people who won't talk to you! (Maybe I'm afraid of having me as a teenager...)

Romeo - "Parenthood: It's different levels of shit for everyone" should be on a New Baby greetings card

I have 3 DCs
All induced births.
All born vaginally (mentioned as a lot of inductions end in intervention be it forceps, ventouse or c-section)
Bit of a hospital stay with each pregnancy.
Breastfed all 3..totally fine. I found that waking up to a little face that smiles when it sees you gets you through the sleeplessc nights.
Things I'd change would be not agreeing (and then carrying out) that the children are not ONLY MY responsibility. I struggled after a while trying to be Supermum.
I also had a small shock when DD1 was 17 weeks old and i found out I was 6weeks pregnant with DS.
I wouldnt change my kids at all. I often have wistful moments longing for a shopping and pub filled weekend but then they cuddle me or tell me they love me and I prefer what Ive got 😊

If it was all awful most people wouldn't choose to do it more than once, and yet they do.

If I knew everything that I know now before I got pregnant, then no I wouldn't have done it! We had a lovely life, lots of disposable income, amazing holidays, freedom, time for all the adult stuff we enjoy (like museums, long dinners with friends, etc).

However, I wouldn't change my life now, because I adore my DC and actually if I'd never had them I'd probably be a selfish cow!

Not helpful, I know, but that's the dichotomy of parenting - it totally fucks up your otherwise lovely life - but then you adore them and you wouldn't be without them.

For DS2, I'd booked into the Home From Home Centre for an induction, things started moving after a sweep. I had a water birth with lavender oil and gas and air (no other pain relief available), and he was born after 6 hours. Out of 4 births, his was the loveliest.

Pregnancy was fine, I dealt with nausea by eating tiny bits almost constantly!
Labour - Waters broke at 2pm, I hitched a ride with an ambulance when they realised how quickly things were going, got to hospital at 6:20, son arrived at 6:43 I think 😁 Birth was fine. Intense but I wouldn’t say painful. Had gas an air just to slow things down. I had second degree tearing, which sounds awful but again it was fine. They numb everything for stitches (another thing I was worried about!). Oh and yes, all back to normal now!
I was home just after lunch the following day and out and about the day after that.
Breastfeeding also absolutely fine, no issues or discomfort. Greedy little baby actually put on weight rather than losing at first as most babies do!
I’ve got a terrible sleeper, but he’s a brilliant eater and utterly hilarious. He’s nearly four and I can’t imagine life without him.
I always make a point of sharing my experiences with anyone I meet who is considering pregnancy or already pregnant. I know not everyone has an easy ride but you hear the scare stories far more often than the positive ones!

I wondered whether I could do it for the same reasons you said. Then I asked myself whether a lifetime of lie ins was worth not having a child. It wasn't.

I had a relatively uncomplicated pregnancy, a 'beautiful, physiological' birth and a very easy little baby who breastfed well and slept through from 7 months.

The difficulty comes from having no time off, no opportunity to say ' I can't be arsed to parent today'. It's all you, all the time.

But I don't regret a single thing.

I think the hardest thing is looking after them when you’re ill yourself! Eg during 1-2year period when they catch every bug going then pass to you and partner. Sleeplessness is hard but there are ways you can help yourself with this. I did gentle sleep training at 12m but would do it earlier if I was starting again I think!
Nothing can fully articulate how happy they make you. I wish if anything I’d started earlier so I could have more!
Birth wise my first was hard, mainly because I was so scared. Second one just popped out and was honestly a great experience.

Yes I would do it all again. It's fucking hard. But I would. My first labour wasn't great. But my second I did hypnobirthing and quite honestly I'd happily do it all again tomorrow. I wish I'd known about it first time around.

I didn't have any sickness with my pregnancy but had terrible terrible back pains but i suffered with my back pre pregnancy so obliviously the extra weight didn't help. I was high risk because of this and wasn't allowed to go over. I was induced by pessary then gel then drip. I had back to back full blown contractions for 24 hours straight. Got all the way to 8cm on my own and had to have an emergency c section. I am the worlds biggest wuss but it was no where as frightening as you may think. Drugs may have helped that though. The newborn stage scared me the most. I stayed awake to watch her sleep for 3 days straight because I was scared something was going to happen but as time got on I'm much more confident. My baby is 3 months old now and is my absolute everything. I would do it all 10x over if I have to. Seeing that little smile or hearing her coo and giggle is the most joy anyone has ever brought me in life.

Good luck ttc! Will be worth it

Pregnancy sucked, but the birth was fine, and having a baby is amazing. We bottle fed so shared everything, and I've found weirdly that I'm more rested and less stressed now than before having a baby. Some people find it really hard, but if you have an easy baby, you may find it not hard at all. It's luck really what baby you get, and how you find it. Personally, it was about 100 times easier than I'd expected.

Generally the worst day with your child is still better than a good day at work. It IS hard work but i’d 100% do it again. Infact I totally would love another. Too late for me now though!

I have 2 DC, one 9 and one 13 months.

Pregnancy: Bit crap but not awful
Labour: One induction, one natural, neither horrendous
Birth: First one not too bad, second one you don't want to know
Breastfeeding: First time a walk in the park, second time hard at first, has left me a bit wonky and mangled
Sleep deprivation: Reached critical levels quite recently

I would absolutely go through everything again in a heart beat for my children. The joy of my tiny people outweigh all the crap bits a million times over.

I had a brilliant birth with no painkillers, I had a tear but was sorted out with no repurcussions at all. Absolutely no pain ‘birthing’ but I got to the hospital & my mum parked as far away as she possibly could & the walk over to the building was uncomfortable

Breastfeeding wasn’t for me but I will say the milk coming in was pretty painful

In honestly truth I had my daughter early 20s & felt liked I’d ruined my life but now nearly 7 years later I can honestly say it’s the best thing I have ever done

Good luck with whatever you choose!