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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should be given longer than a week to get £75 together...

35 replies

TheBigFatMermaid · 03/05/2018 22:59

DD age 12 does an activity that she loves. She goes twice a week and they provide the uniform, it is reasonably cheap and she has been away for weekends with them and they have cost £10, amazing.

She is going away in June and we have been told tonight that we have to pay £75 by next Thursday. We are a low income family. I cannot pull £75 out my arse in a week!

I just think a little more time to pay would have been more reasonable.

I have managed to borrow the money from my DM, with a lecture about how I should be managing my (very little) money better. Then I reminded her that I had only been told tonight it had to be paid next week.....

AIBU to think that most people would need more than a weeks notice?

OP posts:
Jamiefraserskilt · 03/05/2018 23:01

Have a word with the organiser and explain that you have managed it this time with a little help but please, if possible, can they give parents more notice.

MrsLaurac · 03/05/2018 23:02

In truth i wouldn't say it would be unusual to struggle particularly when you have children and its into the month where you have probably laid out the monthly budget but i dont think most people. You do need a bit of a safety net though (i know easier said than done!)

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 03/05/2018 23:03

Jamie, good idea. DP does the taking to and fetching from, but I could get him to mention it. Her other main activity is the more expensive of the two and they have been amazingly understanding in the past.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 03/05/2018 23:07

You do need a bit of a safety net though (i know easier said than done!)

I'm glad you acknowledge it is easier said than done! It really is. I am trying to hide a little money here and there. I have a DP who sees money in the bank as challenge to spend it, but I am in control of the bank accounts, they are in my name, the money gets paid into them, his wages included. I have the online banking passwords... I just need to be a bit less open about what we have to build up a bit of a cushion! He is not a bad man, just a bit clueless about money. I need to woman up!

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 03/05/2018 23:09

Firstly you need to explain to the organisers that they need to get their money requests out earlier e.g. 6 months in advance and secondly depending on the organisation there may be a 'slush fund' for which you may qualify. Gosh I sound grumpy.

winterisstillcoming · 03/05/2018 23:10

I agree that it's short notice, and definitely feed that back to the organiser.

Fatted · 03/05/2018 23:13

Far too short notice! If it's something that needs to be booked etc, they should arrange an upfront deposit and then pay the rest nearer the time.

MacaroniPenguin · 03/05/2018 23:16

It's a fair point.

I think the reality is the admin for these things is often done by volunteers in the evening and sometimes life gets in the way. I suspect if you mention quietly that you're a bit short this week they'll understand. Though better if you hadn't been put in that position of course.

HeedMove · 03/05/2018 23:22

Far too short notice. Although we could pay it id still be annoyed at the lack of notice and organisation. Its not very fair at all on people who are on a low income or the kids who could miss out as a consequence of their short notice.

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 03/05/2018 23:25

I suspect if you mention quietly that you're a bit short this week they'll understand. I won't need to this time as DM is helping out, with a lecture about managing my low money better!! Oh the joy of that! I do not have loads of money to manage. DP is not on a great wage, not minimum wage, but low enough for TC and I get PIP, nobody ever got rich on that!

OP posts:
MacaroniPenguin · 03/05/2018 23:34

You shouldn't have to hide cash from your DH - that's an extra complication most of us don't have to contend with!

teenagerparent · 03/05/2018 23:47

If they provide the uniform then I'm guessing its Army Cadets, Air Cadets etc.
These places are usually better organised, it sounds like something has gone wrong with the organisation this time. My daughter goes to Army Cadets and the deposit for the big Annual Camp ( £75 ) had to be in this week.
Any of the uniformed groups for kids ( Cadets/Scouting/Guiding etc ) have funds for families who need the help. Contact the person in charge and have a quiet word with them. Also point out most people need more than a week to come up with £75!!

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 03/05/2018 23:54

You shouldn't have to hide cash from your DH - that's an extra complication most of us don't have to contend with

Due to my disability, DP has to work full time, run the kids around, do the shopping and pick up a lot of the housework! I'll handle this! It helps my mental health anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 03/05/2018 23:56

poster teenagerparent, good guess! Will I have to pay more then? Shit!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 04/05/2018 00:03

I still think you should have a word with the Leaders, and say how ridiculous it is to expect families to suddenly find £75 with a week's notice (presumably double if you have siblings in the cadets).
Our Scout Group first had a £55 camp in July, mentioned to them back in January, for saving opportunities, and the request for staged payments have been for March, April, May and June. No way would anyone reasonable expect families to have that much just sitting around, spare.
You can say you have been able to borrow it this time, but don't really feel you should be pressured into doing that.

BackforGood · 04/05/2018 00:04

Also, I'd find out for sure if that is the total, or just a deposit, before you hand it over !!

MumofBoysx2 · 04/05/2018 00:11

Did you miss a letter? Otherwise It sounds like bad organisation/communication on their part as there's no way they have just booked a trip next month - these things take months to plan and organise, they just didn't get around to doing the admin to parents about it. I'm sure if enough parents complain about the short notice they will make sure it doesn't happen again.

LimaCharlieHotelPapa · 04/05/2018 00:16

OP, I feel your pain. My partner and I are on barely reasonable incomes and we have a five-month-old. We cover our bills every month and have a little spare, but not much. I'm dreading the day when school trips start. When I was a kid we had the chance to go to Mountfitchet, Dimchurch, a house called Gorsfield and Margate - and that's the total from primary school through to the end of my sixth form (with the odd museum thrown in). My work colleague told me last year her sons were going to Italy and France! In the same school year!

I definitely don't want my son to miss any experiences but I've only got two kidneys to sell so I couldn't scramble together £75 with such short notice (some months 75p is a challenge) and our monthly budget is set a couple of months in advance. I fear they've probably given you as much notice as they could but a polite quiet word for future trips wouldn't hurt.

NoSquirrels · 04/05/2018 00:20

Have you quizzed the 12 year old thoroughly on whether they knew about camp? Sounds like you may have missed a letter?

Please do talk to them about it. If it's their fault they should be lenient, and even if it is because you've missed a letter, they should be able to help and be understanding.

Allthewaves · 04/05/2018 00:22

Open an online account with tesco or sainsburys and transfer the extra. Let's build up money and kind of forget about it as it's not on main banking you use

user139328237 · 04/05/2018 01:01

If a woman was on here saying they worked full time did the housework and looked after the kids while their husband stayed at home and hid their wages they'd get told to LTB and how financially abusive he was being. However bad with money he may be it is abusive to hide family money from him and you need to find a better way to openly save money (and he really needs to get an account to pay his wages into that isn't in your name).

wontbedoingthat · 04/05/2018 06:59

User139..., I think you may have misread the situation here slightly! There's no double standards, and it doesn't sound like there's a power imbalance.
Op, I am sorry your dm lectured you. It makes you feel stupid when people do that and of course you are doing the best you can. I am good with money, my dh Is not. He has a share of what's left over after bills etc put into a separate account that's just his, but when he's got through that he just starts on the rest anyway, he extremely disorganised which has a financial penalty...
My household income is a little above average but the week before payday is sometimes tight and I would be unhappy with that amount of notice to produce £75 not least that it may already be set aside for something else. Don't feel awkward about asking if you'll get more notice for future payments. I would. Hope it's a good trip!

crispsahoy · 04/05/2018 07:29

Op if this is cadets, my dd is in army cadets so don't know if this applies to others, they provide a cadet bank so you can pay in anything you can whenever you can so that there will be the funds there for camps etc.

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 04/05/2018 08:19

Have you quizzed the 12 year old thoroughly on whether they knew about camp? Sounds like you may have missed a letter?

Pretty sure we haven't missed any letters, DP drops her off and picks her up and actually goes in to get her. He was told last night that they needed the money next week. I did ask why he didn't question it, but well, he said he didn't think to.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 04/05/2018 08:24

I would definitely find out the total cost. £75 doesn't sound enough for a summer camp. If you can't afford it there is no point paying a deposit you might not get back.