AIBU?

[TROUBLEDMAM]

I don't want to be with my wife anymore
But I'm not strong enough to leave her
I do love her so much so it will break my heart.
I have an emotionally unstable personality disorder so I'm difficult to be with.

I just feel like my wife has said too much hurtful things to me when she's mad at me
And I'm suppose to just get over it because the cause of our argument was down to my personality disorder, which takes me to my bed when I can't handle things and it's not good.

This leaves her dealing with MY children and housework etc and by gum doesn't she make sure I know it.

I work on myself and controlling myself all the time but we just moved house so stress levels are high.

I really want to build my strength and not relay on her oh my mother who completely takes her side and make her leave

I don't want to be with anyone again ever

Am I been unreasonable to do this to her?

I don't think I need to go that far

So last night my wife woke up at like 3am
I was still awake laid next to her just on my phone very quietly
And she starts kicking off about how awful the atmosphere was at dinner time last night
She was going on n on and I was saying I didn't understand at all and I wanted her to explain herself
She completely lost her temper and grabbed my face squeezed it so tight, the first time ever I pushed her off me and like reacted with a pathetic hit/punchy/push on her
Well that was it she was leaving
I was the worst person ever and she's had enough

She woke me at 6:15 am to tell me she was leaving and I'm to put money in her bank
I had no energy to argue so I just did it
After I did
She then went on to say that she wasn't leaving till after nine as she wasn't leaving in the traffic

Ok

I told her it didn't have to be like this
We could sort things out
WHY?
Fear
Fear of been alone?
I Duno
And ways I know once I post this people will think I'm just gonna get what I deserve
And your probably right

Some times I feel so strong like I can be alone other times I can't do it

I'm stuck

You don't deserve this at all, no one does. Mental health issues that aren't your fault are in no way a justification for abuse, and that's what this is. If she leaves I feel in the long run it will set you free, I realise it's probably not as simple as that, relationships never are. But from what you've told us, you'd be better off without her in every single way.

Are you frightened that she'll be violent if you don't give her money? I've no experience with this but I think calling a helpline is a great idea, you understandably feel stuck so you need help to get un-stuck and start to move on. But you need to hold on to your money, to rebuild your life. I honestly think if she leaves, you'll stand a much better chance of making your life better, and that includes your BPD (I don't have it myself but I know a little bit about it). This relationship is probably having very destructive effects on your mental health, you might find you see an improvement without her emotional abuse in the picture.

How are things now, did she leave, or was she bluffing?

Thank you
Yes I agree no I'm stupidly scared that I won't cope with my kids n the house etc but I know before I met her I coped fine
So it's all in my head I've just become reliant on her

She's currently drunk n passed out on the sofa

I know it’s a woman but this still applies.
unityandstruggle.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

So they are going ya phone social services on me
If my kids are well looked after clean clothed feed warm etc not abused I'm all good right?

Who is “they”?

I think maybe wife and mother is "they"?

OP this is a violent, abusive relationship. Seek help, for example from the places previous posters have suggested. You need to get out.

Yes mother and wife

But they are both very convincing that this is all my fault

It's making me question my own judgement

It is not your fault. You are playing on my mind. You need help to get out of this, I see help has been posted above.

I don't have any opportunity to ring these numbers
I guess if I really wanted her to leave I could make her
But I think it's just my bpd
I think I'm probably just over reacting and we can sort this out

I definitely couldn't cope without her atm

Your all so kind and I appreciate very much your responses

Your partner is grabbing you by the face and calling you terrible names my lovely, you’re not overreacting. Please get professional help and help her pack her bags. Be kind to yourself too x

I wish I could
I wish I was that strong
I really wish I was
But I know I'm not

I've left my wife

Well done! How do you feel now? How are your children?

It come to a head she lost her temper and started to choke me
In front of my kids
My eldest son phoned the police
And basically it all when from there
Now I've told my mam and my two best friends who were very suspicious something was wrong anyways

Now it's all out in the open Thes no going back
My family n friends wouldn't let me anyways

I feel relieved scared nervous broken
My head hurts my eyes sting
I can't sleep
I have no idea wtf am going to do and I'm shitting a brick
I haven't eaten all day n smoked so many fags I might turn into the one

I'm glad to see that. I read the OP and was going to say be careful because EUPD can make you think very black and white and love one moment and hate the next. I'm so glad you posted more and PPs were able to point out it was an abusive relationship to you. Well done for leaving.

I have OCD. It was very hard and stressful for my exH but gave him no right to be abusive. Took a long time to learn that how stressful I was didn't make it ok for him to cross over from being frustrated with me to him being repeatedly abusive towards me.

It's a toxic cycle when MH is involved. Well done for breaking it. I hope in time you heal from the abuse, and are able to manage your EUPD well enough for a healthy relationship

Sorry was typing and didn't see last few of your posts OP. So sorry. You will get better. Be kind to yourself. Try and be the friend to yourself you need right now - e.g., you know you want to smoke a million but it's bad for you so permit yourself to smoke some and then be kind enough to tell yourself you need to do something good to yourself like a warm bath, or a healthy smoothie, or a comedy that's always made you laugh etc and do it x

I wish I could make it all OK for you, I want to wrap you in a massive duvet and feed you chicken soup. I can only say, things will get better now. Not today or tomorrow, you're probably still in shock at everything that has happened. But soon. You and your kids don't have to live in fear of her any more, that's a start.

hopefully this marks the beginning of better, happier times for you and your kids. I have no advice but just wanted to say that you sound far stronger than you think. good luck

Thank you for your reply's
I'm awake at 3:14 am
My best friends sleeping next to me
Staying with me as I didn't want to be alone
I'm lucky to have such a good friend
I wish I had spoken sooner

I feel tho it's the calm before the storm in terms of my wife
It's so quiet peaceful and calm I'm afraid it won't stay like this
She will seek revenge I'm 99.9% sure
This I'm scared off

I feel relief tho
My kids can b more free to b themselves
The house can b a more relaxed placed to be