To be upset that I will never have this life.

[stripesandspots10]

I've just got back from my friends new house. I love her to pieces she's lovely and been a good friend to me. She works hard at her job and is very well paid and at a high position for our age. I am quite jealous but I don't show it to her and I am proud of her too.

I'm just sad that I will never have what she has. She's just moved house into a beautiful place. It's huge and not many people our age would be able to afford it. She's been fortune her boyfriend has a rich family who have helped them plus her good job.

I'm a single parent living in a council house with my DS. I lived in a refuge for 6 months before. Tried to do up my place as best as I can. I try to give me and my DS the best life I can atm. I do struggle. And I doubt I will ever be able to have the life she has. Makes me sad because I just want to live a comfortable life and have achieved a good career. Sorry I just think I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Comparison is dangerous territory, there's always someone better off and there's always someone worse off. You don't know what the future holds for you and neither do any of us. It sounds like you got yourself and DC out of a bad situation, focus on what you've achieved.

Try to find the joy in your own situation however you can. Chances are your friend has her own heartaches and insecurities. The grass is very rarely as green as it seems.

This might be a good time to reflect that everyone is at different stages in their life. It sounds like you've come from rock bottom not long ago. And no, you may never get what she has but I think you need to try and focus on what you are grateful for, not what others have. Easier said than done, I know. But good luck putting your life together - you shall prevail, on your own terms.

Very few people have a comfkrtsble life these days. Most people (even the ones in huge houses) are a mere economic crisis away from losing everything.

You sound like you've done brilliantly. It's natural to feel that way I think when you see something else 'better'. But to your ds you are more amazing than a big house and always will be!

It’s all relative OP. There are millions of people that would love your life.

It’s also just money and stuff, it means nothing really, health and happiness are all that matters.

I get it, but comparison is the thief of joy as they say. It's human nature though.

Think about what you DO have. It sounds as though you've done brilliantly to get to where you are now, if you were in a refuge before. And you now have your own place that you've made nice for your ds.

You never know what the future will bring, so never say never.
Maybe think about what you CAN change - could you not also have a good career? Even if it takes a long time, it's something to aim for?

You’ve moved out of a refuge, that is a huge achievement and you should feel very proud of yourself for that alone.
You have your own home for you and your DS, that’s really good too.
You’re doing your very best for yourself and your DS.
If you can try and focus on what you have achieved then things may not seem so bad.
There is a lovely thread in Classics where posters have written a letter to themselves 5 years ago. Some of the stories are sad and some are amazing.
As FASH84 said you have no idea what your future holds, try and stay positive.
I wish you all the best.
💐💐

FASH84 is right , do not compare yourself with others it will only lead to jealousy or guilt.
Things must of been bad for you to have to move into a refugee , think back to that time - what would you of done then to be in the position you are in now ?
I would imagine when you were waiting for the place in the refugee you would of done anything to have a place of your own and be jealous of anyone that did have their own home .
Build on what you have , you have your own place where you and DS are safe to decorate and and call home .
bit by bit things will get better .

Thank you for your replies. Normally I wouldn't feel this way but just seeing that house and her new car and then the way she talks about doing up the house and holidays. I sit and smile and I am interested but I just then think wow I can't do any of that. I know when she has a child it will be different because she's the bread winner. So like a PP said I guess we are at different stages in life.
And yes also true health is more important. But not having to worry about money every day would help my health ha!

Ah op, there are lots of things I wish I had or envy.

The thing I find works for me is whatever I'm fed upabout, eg looking dog rough , I imagine almist like goigle maps, panning out over a wide area, and thinking of all the different peiple who look better than me, thrn umagine people who look as rough as chuff lime me, then I widrn myscope... Think of all the people in this country, what a mixed bag if situations... I'm already lost amongst all the people existing, and in comparison to people who have really shit lives, my woe pales into insignificance.... Then think ofallthe people in the world.. And thenI think "do any of them give a shiny shit about my 1st wirkd problem of not looking fantastic?" realise most worries are fairly insignificant and think abiut whateverI have to be grateful for.

Cheesy maybe, but helps pull me out of the dumps

Would you swap your dc for hers?

What price your dc to swap?

You wouldn't do it even for £billions!! So your ''asset'' is worth more than ££ can buy!

So what does that make you?

Assetwise a £squizillionaire

You could aim for a career, having a child doesn't stop you having one. It's highly likely she will simply return to work after maternity leave like many in higher roles.

With a career comes the chance of a house move in future. Life is what you make it.

OP - in terms of what you’ve achieved You are definitely the winner here. I think comparison is inevitable BUT find yourself someone with a very similar situation to compare against...argh this isn’t coming out right, I don’t mean be horrible about someone else, but I just mean it’s a very different situation for her, and right now that means she’s better off. When your DS is older and you can train for/achieve what you want, I expect she’ll stop mouthing off altogether

My sister married very, very well. Her DH is a prince and she's never had to work a day in her life. There was a time I was a bit envious of her 'good luck'. But then I stop to remember that she has also had tragedy in her life in the loss of a child in infancy and the sudden death of a grandchild at 16. She also had a MiL from hell and frequent moves in support of her DH's career.

DH and I have always worked full time. We have a house and raised two sons. We've always had 'enough to pay the bills with a bit left over'. And I remember that I need to count my own blessings.

We just never know what goes on behind closed doors. And we all have blessings to count.

BLOODY AUTOCORRECT 😡 last sentence should read ‘I expect you can train for whatever you’re interested in and get a better job that helps you progress’. How it got that from what I wrote...🙄

Totally normal, OP. And in no way unreasonable.
You sound lovely though, as you are actively proud of your friend, regardless of how else you feel about it.
My sister, a single mother to a 6 yo, is my hero. She fell pregnant during her post grad year, took a year out, her ex partner turned out to be a shit...but that girl has dragged herself by the fingernails to the top of her profession in 4 years and is currently selling the second house that she has bought on her own, and moving to a new country with an amazing quality of life.
Where you are now doesn't have to be where you are forever.

Hey, you have a council house, a secure tenancy! She has a home that relies on her staying in her relationship and her job! If she loses either or both, she will be worse off than you.

You have come a long way! Focus on that.

You should be proud of yourself Op. You have fought for a better life for you and your ds. Now you are standing on your own two feet. Take some to think about what you've achieved.

Its a bad idea to compare. Just take as much joy as you can from your own life.

The vast majority of my friends are richer and live in considerably nicer houses than me. When I think pragmatically, I'm not envious at all. Completely different circumstances and life choices have led to the disparity. One couple got together young and had time to work their arses off on their careers before having kids. Another couple got together late, each bought and sold a couple of properties before pooling resources. Others did the whole London then returning 'home' and commuting. DH... well, he got divorced, had to sell his house, couldn't buy again and by the time we got together (me already with a child from an abusive relationship, returned from overseas with nothing) we had to start over. We can't afford a big house or foreign holidays, but then again, we chose to have a couple more kids. I've now finally got a fledgling career, his earning capacity has doubled and all the children are nearly at school.
One of my friends has a dying parent, another struggles with secondary infertility, another barely ever has sex with her husband. Another (child free) friend has a lonely house and a fantastic partner, but had dragged herself up the career ladder after leaving school/home at 16 due to her awful abusive parents.
Scratch the surface and beneath the apparantly perfect lifestyles, we've all got our own insecurities and are all doing the best we can in the circumstances we're given.
You've done so well to be where you are. Please don't compare yourself to others. I'm sure your friends, (if they are true friends) don't care.

Thanks for the positivity! I know I'm not looking at the bigger picture. I just came home sat Down and just thought God!

A few months ago she was telling me her DP was so lazy and she was snapping at him and was really upset because she didn't know what to do but didn't want to end the relationship. So I no not everything is so perfect.

We work in the same industry, so I could may be one day get to her level. I'm going back to study in a few months to progress my career. I guess I'm going at a make slower pace so it might feel to me atm that everything is at a bit of a standstill.

But yes I've come along way from a year ago. I'm back at work and we have our own place to call home :)

I was reminded just this week of how those who have less, can have much more appreciation for things that richer people take for granted. Life must actually be quite dull if you can get whatever you want, whenever you want.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

And success is measured in many different ways - I think what you have achieved is pretty awesome. You’re a survivor.

Ah typos! know and much