To be upset that I will never have this life.

[stripesandspots10]

I've just got back from my friends new house. I love her to pieces she's lovely and been a good friend to me. She works hard at her job and is very well paid and at a high position for our age. I am quite jealous but I don't show it to her and I am proud of her too.

I'm just sad that I will never have what she has. She's just moved house into a beautiful place. It's huge and not many people our age would be able to afford it. She's been fortune her boyfriend has a rich family who have helped them plus her good job.

I'm a single parent living in a council house with my DS. I lived in a refuge for 6 months before. Tried to do up my place as best as I can. I try to give me and my DS the best life I can atm. I do struggle. And I doubt I will ever be able to have the life she has. Makes me sad because I just want to live a comfortable life and have achieved a good career. Sorry I just think I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

I love that Roosevelt quote about comparison "being the thief of joy"

You are a warrior & a hero if you have escaped an abusive relationship & secured housing for you and your child.
I am utterly in awe of you.

On the issue of the big house - We are much poorer than most of the parents at my son's school, & i'd be lying if I said I am not envious of the apparent ease of their lives.

Behind that facade though are all the same issues; difficult marriages, massive mortgages, tired all the time, ageing parents, etc.

When I feel poor & fed up, I listen to Paolo Nutini's 'pencil full of lead' & it gives me perspective!

The line "best of all, I've got my baby!" Gets me every time!!

I once visited a friend’s house, came home and felt like torching mine but, lesson learned, the best life is a contented life and that’s not made from new cars and nice furnishings. It might be trite, but it’s true.

I think sandunesandrainclouds said the same thing, but much more succinctly

You are enough. You have enough.

I know when she has a child it will be different...

You don't know that she will have a child. She might desperately want one but not be able to. Would you swap your son for a big house?

Your feelings are understandable, but don't dismiss what you have.

I completely get where you're coming from. I am spending a fortune on a private rent with no prospect of ever being able to buy. It is rubbish, it is so hard not to compare. I know in comparison to so many people I am lucky but it often doesn't feel that way. I feel guilty for not giving my child the life I want for them.

Several people I know are younger than me and buying houses around 250k. They get into the houses and start ripping out kitchens and bathrooms straight away like money is no object. In these couples I know the women have part time admin or retail jobs, the men have well paid jobs but more mid five figure than 6 figure. I can only think there is family help.

Everybody, absolutely EVERYBODY feels the pang of jealousy at times. You're dealing with it well and sound like a lovely person. Some (twisted) people get so jealous they deliberately try to ruin other people's happiness in order to make themselves feel better, so you deserve a aand a for being such a nice person, that is an achievement right there!

Op I have a friend who is a millionaire and she’s always moaning and never seems happy and content.She made me realise that material things are just not important in the scheme of things. You have done amazing to get where you are.

Accrossthpond55

A prince? Are you Camilla's sister. Mil from hell...no way to talk about our queen. Hehe.

That's a great quote, @tinysleepy

I get you are feeling sorry for yourself, nothing wrong with that. You've only just started your new life and have overcome so many difficult hurdles to get there, while your friend hasn't had to do any of that. You have both achieved in different ways. I'm not long out of a refuge too so totally understand how you can feel like you're at the bottom of the pile. But the only way is up and you have a great foundation for that now. Good luck to you

@stripesandspots10 - you have dug yourself out of a very difficult place and not many people can do that. It's very easy to take family money to assist you to get onto the property ladder. What isn't easy is getting out of what I am sure at the time felt like an impossible situation. You are raising a child, working, planning to study and providing a safe home for you and your family - single handed. That's more amazing that an holiday, car, house. To echo what others say you never know what goes on behind the facade. (On the outside I look like I have the 'perfect' life but the reality is DH and work ridiculous hours, constantly stressed out and we have struggled for years to have a baby - which is slowly killing me. Appearance's can be deceiving) Remember OP, you are amazing.

I totally understand why you feel the way you do, but you never know another person’s full story, she might think “I wish I had a child like stripes,” or she may be under pressure to always look good because thinks it’s what people expect.
My OH used to be the same with cars, always coveting massive sports cars, always jealous he didn’t have one.
One day he got talking to a bloke at a car show who was showing off OH’s dream car.
Turns out the bloke’s wife had left him for someone else, he rarely saw his kids and spent most of his time working so the car was his treat to himself to make him feel better, basically, bought with some of the proceeds from selling his marital home so his wife could buy a new place with the new man.
This guy said he also knows people who get up to their eyes in debt to keep up the image of sports car owner.
So now, if he says he’s jealous of a car, I remind him of what he has got, not what he hasn’t, and it at least shuts him up, even if he doesn’t want to believe me;)!

You may never achieve the same standard of living as your friend, but you can aspire to making the best of the home you have.

One of the great things about being a council tenant is the freedom to decorate. Is yours finished to your taste, or is a a work in progress? Paint is relatively cheap, but a fresh coat of paint in a colour you love can really lift how you feel about your home.

Comparison is the the thief of joy op

You have things that money cannot buy. Resilience. Resourcefulness. And self esteem. That is beyond riches.

Don't feel jealous. I know that's hard but it's such a destructive emotion.

Keep going op. You're found great

I think that's a totally normal, human reaction, so don't beat yourself up about it. Admit to yourself that your envious, and let it go....you sound like you're doing OK anyway!

My life is currently like a bad game of snakes and ladders, possible imminent redundancy, recent divorce, need to downsize from my gorgeous big house I love to a tiny house in a shitty neighbourhood whilst my sister has a rock steady marriage to a hot and loving husband and is on a meteoric career rise - if I compared our lives I would be a mess! My advice is to think about the good things you instead of all the things you don't (no matter how small) Mine is I tripped over in town but didn't fall on my ass today.

And I too make lots of typos! good things you have*

Thank you for making me feel like this is a normal feeling. I don't normally get jealous like this. We normally meet for food or a coffee so not at our houses. But she wanted to show me her big new house. I'm excited for her because it is gorgeous and if the shoe was on the other foot id be excited/proud too.

Think also had a bit of a rubbish day with me not having as much money this month so mixing that with tonight has made me feel a bit rubbish. Need to keep reminding myself of my life a year ago to now and how far I've come from nothing to something.

OP, you have done fantastically well, so you can feel proud of yourself.

I’ve been very poor and I’m now comfortable, due entirely to my own hard work. This has taught me that ‘stuff’ doesn’t make me happy. In fact, it really doesn’t matter at all. People whose self-esteem depends on how much stuff they own will never be happy, because someone else will always have more, and they will always be envious of that person. You can only eat one dinner, wear one pair of shoes and wear one coat at a time.

So, your friend has had some luck and some things handed to her on a plate in the form of her OH's family.

Whilst you have got where you are (far further than you think) by sheer grit and determination.

Unlike your friend, you are not reliant on a man to maintain the life you have. You are free, your own person to do exactly as you like in your own home.

I completely get how you feel, I think we all have a friend like that and then of course there are people far worse off.

I have moaned all day because I have lousy flu and hate the thought of it ruining bank holiday weekend, which it definitely will. Then, I turned on the TV and watched "Syria - The World's War" It's the second part showing tomorrow night. Watch it and pop back on here and tell us how you feel. It is such a sobering programme when you see how DC's are living.

Op you are doing brilliantly and do not let yourself or anyone else make you think differently.

I understand completely. I lived in private rented for 10 years (still do actually just a different house) it was dry and warm but the fixtures and fittings were shit and no matter how I accessorized it depressed me
I couldn't afford to move for the sake of it. I also went through some of my hardest times financially while living there.
I'm a lone parent and my shit house combined with low income caused me to grieve the life I wanted and my friends had.
I'm prepared to work for anything but motherhood restricted me so it felt utterly hopeless.
However my children are growing. I work more, my new house is homely but the best thing of all is that I'm studying. I'm not 'there' by a long shot but I have hope.
Good luck with your studies and embrace the possibilities they will bring you. You are just in a bad patch. Never lose sight of the end goal.

You’ve achieved what is to some absolutely unachievable!

OP I can empathise I have a beautiful friend who has a loving husband and 2DCs, they own three houses, two expensive cars and she can pick and choose secretarial jobs when she wants. She also suffers with low self-esteem and anxiety and the material things don't compensate. She doesn't rub it in that she has a loving DH and financially wealthy.

When I have visit I envy her security (I have 2DC and divorced). I acknowledge the envy and try not to beat myself up about it as doesn't everyone want emotional and financial security?
I wouldn't let if affect a friendship.

to you.

Don't beat yourself up.

But also remember - comparison is the thief of joy.
You should be proud of what you have achieved, standing on your own two feet, with your head screwed on and plans to study. You are showing a great example to your child.

A few months ago she was telling me her DP was so lazy and she was snapping at him and was really upset because she didn't know what to do but didn't want to end the relationship. So I no not everything is so perfect.

Yess well you said it and it seems your not in someways doing that bad yourself be proud of what you are;!