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Original poster

AIBU to continue with divorce if I am pregnant?

34 replies

GrumpyGreta · 03/05/2018 20:38

Currently in the process of divorcing my DH as found out he was cheating on me. He's moved out but we had sex last week and now I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant (same signs as previous pregnancies, painful boobs, firm full feeling in uterus, peeing more). Obviously don't know yet as tests only work from missed period time which will be another week or so.

Background to avoid drip feeding...
We have been together 12 years, have two dc (6y and 9y), i found out he was cheating a few months ago and (thanks to advice on mn) i got my ducks in a row then told him i knew, wanted a divorce, and asked him to move out. He has been back every few days to see the children, he's still trying to convince me to take him back. I've told him i can't trust him and can't stay married to him so it makes no difference how we feel about each other.

We had a few drinks last week, he stayed over and we had sex. Sorry if tmi ... I knew i was ovulating so half way through i kind of came to my senses and stopped things. Apparently i wasn't quick enough.

I realise how stupid this was but it's done now. I won't have an abortion, had one years ago and it was by far the worst decision I've ever made and have regretted it ever since.

Guess what I want to know is has anyone gone through divorce while pregnant and how did that go?!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/05/2018 21:05

I think you are massively ahead of yourself. You just had sex last week, and you have no idea if you're even pregnant. You should be far more concerned about an STI, in my opinion. Stop worrying about something that might not even be happening.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 03/05/2018 21:11

First thing to do is find out if you are actually pregnant. If you are, its not a good reason to stay with a man you can't trust and don't want to be with.

FranticallyPeaceful · 03/05/2018 21:13

You had sex last week, it’s probably not even implanted yet if you did manage to fertilise the egg

Crunchymum · 03/05/2018 21:16

How do you know you are pregnant?.Shock

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 03/05/2018 21:32

Sometimes you just know before you've even taken a test!

I think YWBU if you chose not to divorce your DH because you're pregnant.

Being pregnant doesn't undo the reason that you wanted to divorce him in the first place.

YWBU to stay with him because of the baby.

If the baby makes you want to be with him, reignites all the feelings his affair destroyed then that really is the only valid reason to stay married.

Do you want to be pregnant?

How would you feel if you are?

How would you feel if you aren't?

Cuppaoftea · 03/05/2018 21:34

Are you hoping for another baby, is that why you had sex with him?

I agree with pp, it's too early to know. I wonder if your mind and body are playing tricks on you if you're desperate to be pregnant. Do get checked for STIs.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 03/05/2018 22:35

If you want a divorce, why are you drinking and sleeping with him?

You could have got the MAP or the coil fitted but chose not to which suggests the sex at ovulation time was for a reason

Original poster
GrumpyGreta · 04/05/2018 09:27

Thanks for replies.

Am still in love with him, despite what he's done. We have kids already so want to stay friends as he will always be in our lives. I'm divorcing him because I can't stay with him if I can't trust him. I've spent the last 3 months checking his phone messages and spying on him. I felt like a crazy person and couldn't go on like that. Have felt much calmer since he's moved out. Everything is friendly when we see each other. He realises he fucked up and is trying to make amends. He bought kids dinner in the pub and we had a few drinks then. Wasn't drunk but was tipsy enough to let my guard down and one thing led to another.

I hope it's my mind/body playing tricks as although a baby wouldn't be a bad thing it would complicate things even more as I had just got things straight in my head in terms of supporting myself and my children. I'm 40 and he's 50 so I'd accepted we wouldn't have any more children although I did want more a few years ago.

I know it sounds silly to think I'm pregnant but the signs are exactly the same as previous pregnancies, will do a test asap and get tested for STIs.

Needed to tell someone but not something I wanted to discuss with anyone in RL Blush

OP posts:
LifeBeginsAtGin · 04/05/2018 09:41

What are the implications for your existing children - won't they be upset and confused

"children - sadly mummy and daddy are getting a divorce. By the way, great news, I'm pregnant'

Can you afford a baby as a single parent? Can you afford childcare? Can you afford the rent/ mortgage. How will having another baby affect your ability to work, have a career, your pension?

You'll be stuck with no money, no social life, raising 3 children alone.

You may be against abortion but you really need to consider option.

GummyGoddess · 04/05/2018 18:08

Why did you not think about the morning after pill as it sounds like you didn't use any contraception?

Is there absolutely no chance that you would entertain a relationship with him if he agreed to all of your terms as you still love him? I personally couldn't but some people do seem to be able to rebuild trust.

I discovered a few years ago that when my aunt and uncle divorced she was pregnant with my cousin. She did absolutely fine, she owns her own home outright now and seems very happy. I found out as I had to go through some paperwork for my mum as she found it too painful and came across the divorce paperwork from my uncle's solicitor (uncle is DM's brother) all mixed in with everything else. The divorce got incredibly acrimonious and messy when he realised she was pregnant so please be careful and don't let him know until you decide what to do.

NCThatsInevitablyGoingToFail · 04/05/2018 18:09

I would have an IUD put in now.

missymayhemsmum · 04/05/2018 18:38

Stop your emotional faffing and what-ifs and do whatever you honestly believe to be in the best interests of your existing children.

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 18:42

Last week? You're imagining it.

Ruddyuseless · 04/05/2018 18:44

Assuming you went and got the MAP? May not be too late to get an IUD as a pp mentioned

.....or were you accidentally on purpose trying to get pregnant by him?

Owllady · 04/05/2018 18:46

Why don't you both go to couples counselling if you want to stay together?
I'm not bring dismissive of his infidelity but both of you stop playing games if you love each other. You have two children already, start acting like adults

MrsMozart · 04/05/2018 18:54

Well it certainly can be done, only it's going to make it harder for him to step away.

Lifeisabeach09 · 04/05/2018 21:27

Leopards don't change their spots.
Especially when the woman is pregnant/with a newborn and, as such, stuck home and vulnerable.
Continue with the divorce.

Fruitcorner123 · 04/05/2018 21:33

LifeBeginsAtGin how is it pro choice to try and convince a woman who clearly doesn't want an abortion to have one?

OP people who are judging you must think that the moment someone cheats on you your feelings for them evaporate. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I would wait and see before doing anything more but there is an option of living separately but trying some marriage guidance counselling or agreeing to meet up once a week alone and just see how things go.

It's also fine to continue the divorce and keep the baby if there is one.

But if course there might not be one. It's far too early to know.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/05/2018 21:35

If divorce is the right thing, being pregnant doesn’t change that. I wouldn’t want to continue with a pregnancy in these circumstances. Not my life though. I hope that you’re not pregnant and that you haven’t caught anything nasty from him.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 04/05/2018 21:57

You cannot be having pregnant symptoms yet. Sounds more like wishful thinking tbh.

RomeoBunny · 04/05/2018 22:07

Wishful thinking. The egg wouldn't even have implanted or poasiby even fertilised yet. Give over.

Idontdowindows · 04/05/2018 22:21

The reason you want a divorce didn't change. A baby isn't going to make him stop cheating. Having the other two didn't make him stop cheating, did they?

Poptart4 · 04/05/2018 22:26

Have to agree with others, you can't have pregnancy symptoms so soon after sex. This is wishful thinking.

It sounds like your looking for / hoping for an excuse to give your marriage another try. If your pregnant than that justify's taking him back in your mind.

Op you don't need an excuse to take your husband back. People have been having affairs since the beginning of time and many many marriages have survived affairs. I'm not saying its easy and it takes time to rebuild the trust but if it's what you want then give your marriage another try.

BipolarSunset · 04/05/2018 22:29

Find out if you're actually pregnant OP and then go from there xxx

RedDwarves · 04/05/2018 22:33

Agree with others that this is wishful thinking. There's no chance you'd be experiencing symptoms this early.