AIBU with school

[ScottishMummy12]

My Dd is 5 and in Primary 1. On Monday the school asked if we could have a meeting to discuss dd behaviour. It turns out since after the Easter holidays dd hasn’t been doing her classwork and has been refusing to do any sort of work. I spoke to dd and asked her why she wasn’t doing the work and she said it’s work she has already done and it’s too easy. So I emailed the class teacher explaining that dd is saying that she has done the work before and she is finding it too easy and to ask if she could be given harder work. The teacher sent a cheeky reply saying that my dd was being given work that was the right level and that if the work was to easy my dd would do it.
Since the schools have gone back after Easter my dd has had one homework book that was a lower level than what she has been working on and not been given any new words or homework sheets. I have spoken to dd tonight and told her that she is to always do the work the teacher has given her and not refuse to do it and if I find out she has been refusing to do the work I will be taking her shopkins away from her and she started crying telling me she hates school and it’s really boring but if you don’t do the work and are naughty you get to play games outside with the TA.

AIBU to speak to the head about this as I am getting concerned that dd isn’t getting challenged in the class.

I would speak to the class teacher again and ask to see the work your dd has been refusing to do and if it is work that she has already done I would be taking it to the head teacher.

No YANBU. I would speak to the head without a doubt.

Not sure why that is a "cheeky" reply. The teacher is using her professional judgement. Assessing your DD and setting appropriate work for her is her job. You would have to show me work completed to an excellent standard before I offered a child harder work. That's the only way I as the teacher know the work isn't challenging enough, not on the say-so of a five year old.

Well you need to speak to them as she isn't working.

So many children though say 'it's too easy, I already know that' or just shut down, when the fact is that they can't articulate why they are struggling with the work or pace.

The teacher sent a cheeky reply saying that my dd was being given work that was the right level and that if the work was to easy my dd would do it.

(btw, it should be 'too easy')

What's cheeky about that?

It sounds like you have an attitude problem with the school or the teacher and your DD has picked up on it. Saying that the work is too easy is an excuse that the teacher will have heard many times before.

Of course you will deny all this, but please think about whether it's a possibility.

Sounds like your dd has worked out that children who 'don't do their work go outside and play' aka chn who require Interventions do this outside in class time.

I wouldn't go to the head.
I'd explain to your dd that under no circumstances will she be going outside to play so she needs to prove to her teacher that the work is too easy.

Id also email the teacher back and explain dd's point of view to the teacher. It can be hard for children to understand that 'playing outside' is part of other children's learning and in that situation I'd try to explain it to the class/provide a treat for the rest of the class to work towards.

What @Pengggwn said

I have had a morning of listening to entitled parents backing up their children without knowing the full facts.

YABVU

When is she supposed to have done the work before? Surely the teacher would know of they had set the work already?

The "naughty" kids who get to play outside with the TA are most likely kids with additional needs.

I am sorry but as a teacher it sounds to me like she doesn't want to or can't do the work and is making excuses. I don't believe a teacher would repeatedly make her do work she has already done

Just to speak from my experience, I often find some children will use the excuse of ‘it’s too easy’ to get out of doing the work and in fact, don’t do it to the required standard in the first place (for example
even though she may have done some work before, she may not have done it well first time)

I wouldn’t automatically think the teacher is being cheeky as to be fair, extension work is given once the standard work is completed, not instead of.

So just don’t automatically assume a certain scenario BUT of course the main goal here is to get your DD back on track. That may well be best done by helping your DD understand that sometimes, they have to show evidence of work they can do, rather than just say they can do it and will be given ‘harder’ tasks once done.

She's worked out that "being naughty" gets rewarded and that's what she wants to do.
I would say it has nothing to do with how hard or easy the work is.
Maybe talk to the teacher about consistent consequences for all children

Penggwyn I didn’t put in the whole reply as I don’t want it to be identifying but even my OH who is a teacher was surprised by the way she worded the reply. The thing that is worrying me is that dd always tried hard at school and was doing well at the parents evening at the beginning of March the teacher said how well she was doing and now it has totally changed.

Right. Well, I think the answer is as others have said: she needs to complete the work, show the teacher, not tell her, that the work is too easy, then she will be provided with more challenging work.

I think the reason the teacher doesn’t know if she has done it is that she has two teachers that job share it used to be that one did maths and the other did English but the two teachers have changed what they teach. It is worrying me as dd was on stage 4 reading and has now appears that she has moved to stage2, she had no issue reading the stage 4.
I have told dd that she has to do the work and not refuse it but she has told me once the work is finished you have to sit quietly until the rest of the class has finished. I will be asking the teacher tomorrow for all the work dd has refused and she will be doing it over the weekend.

You seem to be trying to remove all responsibility from your DD and totally blame the teacher. The teacher gives her the work- she does it. It really should be as simple as that, and you should be taking a much stronger line with your DD about defiance of the teacher's instructions rather than blaming the school.

How is the teacher supposed to know the work is too easy for her if she's refusing to do it?

@pengggwn is 100%
If a reception child in my class said the work was too easy I would need to see evidence of that. I would question them, I would ask for demonstration etc.
If they were refusing to do work I would sadly be taking minutes off golden time
She needs to prove herself

You do seem to be assuming that she is telling you the full truth, five year olds sometimes get the wrong end of the stick so it may not be that she isn’t lying to you but that she doesn’t understand what’s going on. My dd is five, she has had virtually identically formated homework sheets on several occasions, each time jnvolving reading a different set of words to decide if they are real or made up and copying them into a column, each time she complains that she has already done it but that isn’t the case, she doesn’t see that doing the same activity with different words is a different task.

I don’t think the email was phrased very diplomatically but the reality is that this teacher has probably got a bit fed up with your dd’s behaviour and was concerned that you now seem to be gearing up to defend her come what may rather than to have a productive conversation about helping your dd understand what she needs to do to get on in school.

Talk to the teacher as she has asked you to, discuss your dd’s perception of work and her perception that poor behaviour is rewarded and work in partnership with the school to tackle the issues.

She's very young at 5. Where/when would she have had the opportunity to do it before? If she'd done it in Reception class, all the other children would have done it too. Is she having problems with the work, maybe?

Personally, I think they push the littlies too hard, no wonder they have problems. Some countries don't start school until the kids are 7.

Regarding the easier reading book, they may have sent this because she was suddenly reluctant to read books she had previously read, they won’t want her to become disheartened by something she feels she can’t do and so may be trying to bolster her confidence with something she should be able to do with ease.

What reading scheme is it?

You really need to stop soft soaping her.

It doesn't matter if she's done it before
It doesn't matter if SHE thinks its too easy.

If the teacher set it, she ought to be doing the work without refusing.

So what if she cries? Sorry.. you need to be the parent and tell her whats what and support the teacher.

You DD is being badly behaved and disobedient, stop trying to make excuses and parent her properly ffs.

Get some workbooks at various levels and see where she is.

She thinks if she's naughty she'll get to go outside and play as that's what she perceives is happening for others. She's five, trust the professional educator and go in and have a conversation, you seem to be assuming that a young child's version of events is automatically the correct one. I wonder how DH feels when parents of his pupils undermine his knowledge and experience based on what their little darlings say?

Going to throw a possibility in here as it seems to really really affect my eldest who's not that much older every year this time of year.

Have they been doing stuff about when they're moving up into the next class? Reason I asked that is that DD1's behaviour seems to consistently take a nosedive this point every year and it directly coincides with the first point they go to visit the next classes up (from the pattern of the last couple of years). It really really rattles her for some reason and the way she reacts when rattled is basically to become a mini Vicky Pollard and channel her future teenager - and she is fucking horrendous to deal with until it settles down and she adjusts to the idea.

School are aware and are going to look at how they handle transition with her much more this year but it really is a nightmare - and it takes a lot of gentle talking to her to get to the bottom of why she suddenly flips her behaviour this way.

She has a job share and they do swap about who does Maths and who does English periodically - but there's no dramatic difference in the level of work given when they do so.

You cannot take the word of a 5 year old that the work is too easy! It might be too easy. Or it might be that she’s struggling to grasp the concepts because she’s resisting the necessary repetition. And the only way the teacher will know which it is here is for her to do the work. If she does it well then they should set extension work. If she struggles then she needs support.

The teacher has probably had enough of parents overestimating their PFB’s ability, because you won’t be the only one saying DC finds it too easy with absolutely no evidence.

If DD does the work to a high standard (teachers version of high standard not DD’s) and is genuinely told to sit quietly doing nothing then absolutely go to the teacher and ask for extensions.