To worry my coming baby can't stack up to my DS

[WonderAndWorry]

Ok, I know I've read most people wonder how they can share their love and they just do.

But I genuinely can't imagine how this baby (I'm now pregnant) can possibly live up to my DS.

My DS is 4 and he is so perfect. He is kind and gentle and sweet and generous, goes to bed when he's asked (most of the time) and sleeps through (most of the time) and he tells us how much he loves us and hugs us all the time.
He brings so much joy into my life. He is perfect to me.

I can't begin to imagine how another child could be as good as he is and how I could love them the same.

I am really worried about this!

My grandparents had a favourite and so did my parents and I desperately don't want to continue that with my children!

This baby won't stack up to his elder brother. He or she will be a totally new individual, it will be a totally new experience, you will start that whole train of wonder and falling in love all over again.

He's 4 and perfect? Really. Aren't most kids occasionally whingy or messy or loud? Don't they throw tantrums and misbehave? Or is that just me?

Oh honestly he does have his tantrums, believe me!!
But he is really perfect - to me. I adore the bones of him. I enjoy spending time with him so much.

I remember this feeling, but somehow it doesn’t work out like that. They will be completely different to your ds( it’s a law , so that every parent can say” my two are like chalk and cheese “), and you will love them just as they are.

And you will adore your second child! I have two and they are completely different but each so special. Love doesn't run out! Your heart has room to love more than one child.
Good luck.

don't worry, with the arrival of a new sibling, there is every chance that your perfect DS1 will turn into an attention seeking, jealeaus, whining little brat. He won't be so perfect for very much longer

And I have to say I genuinely don't understand how you could think a new baby could be in any way lesser. I think that's concerning tbh.

Bless you OP I know exactly what you mean I was just like that with my DS1, he’s nearly 17 now and still totally perfect in my eyes! I had DS2 when he was just under two, DS2 has a totally different personality, but I adore him completely too. Two completely different people, but loved in equal measure. Don’t worry it will be fine. Many congrats.

cringe

My DDs are so so different that I could never stack them against each other. One is so kind and thoughtful, the other clever and loving. One is so fearless and brave she makes me feel so proud and the other hides behind my leg and makes me feel needed. One is always better than the other in some aspect (as is everyone in life). But each has 50million aspects and sides to their personality. I could never choose because I love them for who they are as individuals and not for the same traits :). You will be fine!

I've remember feeling this, both before and after DS2 was born. It wasn't until DS2 was about 18 months old that it really evened out. As PPs have said, you just do. DS1 is kind and genuine and is a beautiful person. DS2 is funny and cheeky, he makes me belly laugh every day and gives the BEST hugs. They're so different, but I love them both so much. You don't have to split the love you have for DS1, you just get more love to share out!

I have never written anything so cheesy in all my life

Like you OPs my first child was what I thought perfection she was adorable in every way,sleep/ate/behaved well all the time.
Her brother arrived 4.5 yrs later !! He never slept more than 2hrs day or night/hated other people to hold him/and in general was a right pain in the bum compared to his sister but I loved every thing about him he was his own little person,every child brings their own love.

Thank-you everyone for the very kind reassurances! 😊

That's one of the reasons I only had one as daft as it sounds

You don't love him because he is perfect: he is perfect (in your eyes) because you love him.

And the same will happen with your new baby.

He is perfect to me

'to he's being the word. He's perfect to you because he's your child, not because he's actually perfect. Your new baby will be the same.

This seriously worries me about having a second baby. DC1 is my absolute world, how can I possibly love another!

Fast forward 20 years and we'll have OPs DiL on here saying 'my MIL has this rose tinted view of her perfect son and has raised him on a pedestal, so he's now (to reference two recent threads) an entirely incompetent man child who can't make a cup of tea and tells me he needs my full support just to get ready for work in the mornings'

'to me ' being the word

Even if your baby doesn't sleep through or has different personality traits you will still find them perfect. Stop fretting.

Your second could be a wiful, destructive, noisy stroppy tantrumming nightmare. But you still won't love them any less than your first.

So, so many people worry about this.
Give it 6 months post birth and you will look back and wonder what on earth you were worried about.
There is no limit on love. You don't reach full up and that's it. There is more than enough room for equal love for another child, it just happens.

. DS1 is kind and genuine and is a beautiful person. DS2 is funny and cheeky, he makes me belly laugh every day and gives the BEST hugs

Doje that's so weird - if I had to write a quick description of ds1 and 2 that's exactly what I'd write!

You might find some of that adoration transfers to your new baby for the first few years. Kids don't stay idyllic, I felt the same about my first child and he's now 9, love him to bits as always but I don't adore him as much, he's stroppy, hormonal and just a typical child for his age. Love changes I think but grows in different ways

I remember feeling exactly like this when pregnant with DC2, But your love doesn't divide....it multiplies.