To worry my coming baby can't stack up to my DS

[WonderAndWorry]

Ok, I know I've read most people wonder how they can share their love and they just do.

But I genuinely can't imagine how this baby (I'm now pregnant) can possibly live up to my DS.

My DS is 4 and he is so perfect. He is kind and gentle and sweet and generous, goes to bed when he's asked (most of the time) and sleeps through (most of the time) and he tells us how much he loves us and hugs us all the time.
He brings so much joy into my life. He is perfect to me.

I can't begin to imagine how another child could be as good as he is and how I could love them the same.

I am really worried about this!

My grandparents had a favourite and so did my parents and I desperately don't want to continue that with my children!

I think this is fairly normal. I was worried too. Now I have two, perfect in my eyes, dds.
I was worried during by pregnancy, but that all changed the second I gave birth to dd2.

Your second could be a wiful, destructive, noisy stroppy tantrumming nightmare. But you still won't love them any less than your first.

This.

Then I had DD too. 😂

I cried so much when pregnant with#2 because I felt sorry for him, that I'd never love him like my wild #1...and sorry for her that the cosy little pair we were was going to be changed. She was 21 months when he was born and it was hard, but my husband kept pointing out that love isn't finite, you don't get a set amount and then have to share it out. You just get more!

I'm on #3 now and they are all equally amazing. Totally different, but amazing. #1 is nearly 8 and asked me very sincerely the other day who my favourite child was and it almost made me tear up to think that she could possibly believe I could pick between them.

You'll be grand. Just don't compare them

I had this feeling before my DC2 was born, even up to the due date I was almost dreading meeting him- but then he was born (helpfully it was a positive birth) and it was love at first sight all over again and he too gives the BEST cuddles ever

Your OP is just another way of asking "How will I love my next baby as much as my first", really. Since you know your first isn't actually perfect, you just love him perfectly as he is.

Anyway, you said you've read all those other threads asking that question, so you know the answer!

The "strangest" sensation of love I have ever felt was when DD2 was born. I felt this deep shift inside of me and then there was just the space DD2 was meant to have.. It wasn't that " thunderbolt" love I had with DD1 or the slow burn falling in love I had with DS later on it was just this sensation of" thats where she is meant to be and that was the space she was always meant to have"... I don't love her the way I love DD1 but the love I have for her is not LESS than the love I have for DD1 (or DS or DD3) they are just all individual people and the love I have for them is different and yet they are all perfect and scrumptious " to me"

The love doesn't halve. It doubles

I don't know what the humphy faces are for .
This is a perfectly normal and common fear when you are pregnant with your second.
You will be fine.

This could have been written by me when I was expecting DS2. Even now, looking back at pictures of DS1 when he was a baby, my heart just fills up and overflows. I was so scared that I couldn't possibly love DS2 as much. But now, when I see them both and how kind and sweet 5yr old DS1 is, and how sassy and mischievous 3 yr old DS2 is, I can't believe how lucky i am. Honestly, the love you have for them just expands, you just end up with more joy and happiness in your life.

When you have a second child, your heart just gets bigger and you have easily enough love for both. It gets even better when they start playing together. You love the bones of your DS because you have this amazing capacity to love - and it will work with your new baby too.

I think it’s quite normal to feel this way
I had such a lovely time in my late pregnancy , and I also remember wanting to have the same gender as the first child !!

I knew a man who used to say this and his wife had twins the next time.

I feel the same. Rather worried about it!

I don't remember having these concerns with my own children. Not to say that I may not have had them, I just don't remember.

I do know that when my daughter fell pregnant with her second, I had strong concerns because her first was the absolute apple of my eye and had me quite willingly wrapped round her tiny little finger. I was really worried that I would not be able to share my love and attention equally between the two and I would never want to have a favourite or for one to feel they were second best. I needn't have worried. As somebody said above, love is not a finite resource. More importantly, No 2 didn't give me the choice, not for 1 second. From the moment she could look at me and smiled, she decided she was as much Grandpa's little girl as her sister. We've now got 10 grandkids from our various children and we still haven't run out of love.

It will all work out fine OP. Enjoy your pregnancy and let nature take care of the rest.

Ah, I know what you mean. I wonder if its related to having a bigger age gap? There are nearly five years between my two, and I'd had so much time alone with DD, and at nearly 5 she had such a developed character, that I was so worried about this too.

Tbh, I'm less keen on babies and toddlers so there are times when DS doesn't stack up to his big sister But it turns out that by being more lively by which I mean constantly trying to kill himself and break everything in the house he's certainly more entertaining that she was at that age.

But despite that, despite the fact that I was honestly happy with just one child and had mixed feelings about trying for a second, I absolutely adore the bones of DS as well, and couldn't even begin to imagine life without either of them.

Fast forward 20 years and we'll have OPs DiL on here saying 'my MIL has this rose tinted view of her perfect son and has raised him on a pedestal, so he's now (to reference two recent threads) an entirely incompetent man child who can't make a cup of tea and tells me he needs my full support just to get ready for work in the mornings

Yes because loving your kids is a sure fire way to societies breakdown due to adults in nappies everywhere

How miserable to piss all over someone's chips because they dare to verbalise their love for their kids. much easier to just ignore you know?

@SecretIsland maybe you're my DH?! 🤔

I worried ridiculous amounts about this when pregnant with DD2. DD1 was (and is!) the most incredible little thing, I had dreamt of being a mum for so long and was on cloud 9 throughout her first year so I was worried that I could never love DD2 as much. I felt guilty right up until my labour!

The second she came out though I just melted. It's impossible to describe, but your heart honestly just grows. 4 DD's later and my heart is huge! They are all totally different beings and you don't compare them to eachother so you love them all just as much. Don't get me wrong, sometimes you might like one of them more than the others (e.g. When trying to get them out of the door for school and one is being an angel and the other one makes it impossible) but you love them all equally.

You’ll be fine! You don’t share the love, the love doubles. You’ll love the 2nd DC just as much as the first but for themselves,

FGS OP they don't have to stack up against your DS. They are an individual in his own right and just as deserving of love. If they are being measured up against your DS before they are even born I feel sorry for them.

judgey much?