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AIBU?

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Original poster

Homeless letter

44 replies

TheScandinavianWoman · 02/05/2018 20:24

I was at the council today applying for temporary accommodation, I was told to come back tomorrow and bring a letter from STBEXH stating why I’m moving out.

Anyone been through this process and know what to write in the letter? I don’t know what to write other than “ our marriage broke down , because we’re incompatible and we cannot live together “.

He doesn’t want to write he’s kicking me out because he “does not want to lie” Hmm.

He’s making things difficult for me and trying to delay everything as much as he can, he told me today I shouldn’t go to the council because it was raining and would come with 1000 excuses why I should just leave it for today, and go tomorrow instead Confused .

OP posts:
LoislovesStewie · 02/05/2018 20:29

The council need to know if you are homeless and why. If you are being asked to leave by husband because the relationship is over then that is what he says. If he isn't asking you to leave then you might not be considered as homeless, unless he is abusive to you.

19lottie82 · 02/05/2018 20:32

The council is under no obligation to house you. Even if they do, Do you really want to move into temporary Accommodation? Chances are it will be a run down B and B, sharing with alcoholics and drug addicts, possibly nowhere near where you currently call home.

NCJaneDoeNut · 02/05/2018 20:39

Please call Shelter and be given accurate advice.

GrandTheftWalrus · 02/05/2018 20:43

They wanted a letter from my exH until I told them he was abusive and had been violent against me.

I was then put into a flat 2 months after that. I still had to stay with exh until I got my keys and furniture.

However I'm still in flat now with dp and dd.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 02/05/2018 20:52

If you are legally married, then council won’t accept a duty to provide you with temporary accommodation unless you can demonstrate you are at risk of abuse. Moving out of the marital home on account of relationship breakdown will (in the absence of abuse) be seen as you making yourself intentionally homeless.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 02/05/2018 20:57

The advice about being intentionally homeless and moving into a B&B is not true of all councils.

Where I live, if your relationship breaks down and you can stay in the marital home safely (i.e., no abuse) then you go on the housing list with priority banding and you can look for a property. If you can't stay in the marital home then they will put you in temporary accommodation, unless you have someone to stay with such as family or friends, and again you will go on the list with priority banding.

Ask to speak to the homeless team at the council as they will be able to give you advice specific to the area where you live.

Original poster
TheScandinavianWoman · 02/05/2018 20:58

The thing is he is EA, but he's not gonna say in the letter that he's abusing me is he? So I don't know what to do.

I have three DCs, so either way I will be rehoused, I'm not gonna be out on the street.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 02/05/2018 21:00

Are you in a council/ HA property at the moment?

If you're in private rented or own your house, it's unlikely they'll house you. They'll normally help you to find private rented accommodation though.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 02/05/2018 21:03

You definitely need to speak to the homeless team if he's abuse in any form, including emotionally. Explain to them that he is going to be deliberately obstructive and that staying in the marital home is not an option long term.

Pommes · 02/05/2018 21:06

Why are you and your children leaving the marital home?

RomeoBunny · 02/05/2018 21:14

'He refused, is emotionally abusive and I fear for my safety and mental health' that's all you need to say.

Original poster
TheScandinavianWoman · 02/05/2018 21:23

'He refused, is emotionally abusive and I fear for my safety and mental health' that's all you need to say.

If I say this, what if he founds out I told them he's emotionally abusive and what if social services get involved? And how do I prove he's emotionally abusive? Maybe I'm just overthinking it but they do ask a lot of questions.

I just don't want him to find out that I've said that because he will make life difficult for me. He's very unpredictable and is always threatening me with all sorts.

OP posts:
Finsmum86 · 02/05/2018 21:33

I have recently been in a similar situation but ended up getting a place quite quickly by just bidding and not going down the homeless route. So you have my sympathies. I was going to go to the doctors about how living with my ex was affecting my mental wellbeing and provide that as evidence. And lottie, that really isn't helpful. I have been in temporary accommodation twice and although not the best, it wasn't as you have described, and I'm sure the OP knows it's not going to be 5* digs.

angryburd · 02/05/2018 21:45

@Pommes what's that got to you with you?

GreenTulips · 02/05/2018 21:49

You should be more worried about SS being involved and you haven't tried to leave!

If they do get involved it will just to check the kids are okband the school etc will be asked - I doubt you'll have anything to worry about

Missingstreetlife · 02/05/2018 21:52

Shelter and women's aid for advice and support. You need to know what boxes to tick.

GrandTheftWalrus · 02/05/2018 22:40

I was private renting with my exH and we had no children. I went to council in the November and was in my flat end of February.

They did ask if it was okay for me to stay with exh until they got me a flat.

AllyMcBeagle · 02/05/2018 22:48

If I say this, what if he founds out I told them he's emotionally abusive

He shouldn't find out unless the Council massively breach data protection laws.

Original poster
TheScandinavianWoman · 02/05/2018 22:49

I'm thinking of phoning women's aid tomorrow and telling them about STBEXHs abuse towards me. Would they act on my behalf to the council?

OP posts:
MotherforkingShirtballs · 02/05/2018 22:56

Your local domestic abuse service can advocate for you with the council and help push your housing application through, they can also help with practicalities such as applying for benefits, seeking a non-molestation order (if you feel you need one), counselling to help you process through it all, and more. Google the name of your area and DAS (domestic abuse service) and it should bring up their details.

Original poster
TheScandinavianWoman · 02/05/2018 23:33

Thank you so much mother really helpful Smile

My only concern is for STBEXH to not find out I've spoken about the abuse. I just don't want him to know, because I know he will make life hell for me.

OP posts:
Pommes · 03/05/2018 09:27

@angryburd because I would think the OP, and her children, would have priority over the existing home and the DH should therefore be the one seeking accommodation, no?

Pommes · 03/05/2018 09:29

@TheScandinavianWoman Good luck, OP.

Babymamamama · 03/05/2018 09:31

Why doesn't your partner leave? Why would he want his kids living in temporary housing?

MrsJayy · 03/05/2018 09:32

Ring womens aid or shelter for advice they might be able to speak for you it is ridiculous the housing department are putting you in this vulnerable position.

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