Homeless letter

[TheScandinavianWoman]

I was at the council today applying for temporary accommodation, I was told to come back tomorrow and bring a letter from STBEXH stating why I’m moving out.

Anyone been through this process and know what to write in the letter? I don’t know what to write other than “ our marriage broke down , because we’re incompatible and we cannot live together “.

He doesn’t want to write he’s kicking me out because he “does not want to lie” .

He’s making things difficult for me and trying to delay everything as much as he can, he told me today I shouldn’t go to the council because it was raining and would come with 1000 excuses why I should just leave it for today, and go tomorrow instead .

OP, what is the legal situation with your current home? I got the impression from a previous thread of yours that the legal position meant it had to be you who left but it was a bit vague. If the tenancy is in his name or his family own the house or some other legal reason why it has to be you then he needs to put that in the letter and say your marriage has broken down, he has told you to leave and you no longer have permission to reside there.

Re emotional abuse, have a look at some of the recent cases which have been prosecuted. Has he been doing things like taking your phone, cutting off your communication from other people or withholding things like food and money? If so he might have committed a criminal offence and reporting it would probably help your chances of being rehoused.

The legal situation with the housing is the most important thing to spell out to them though, and why you have no legal right to stay where you are.

I also understand you are in London and you should be aware there is virtually no council housing left there and you will probably be looking at a wait of up to a decade to be housed or being sent well outside London.

Also be aware that without police reports and evidence claims of emotional abuse are often treated with extreme caution because it’s a bit of a buzz word amongst the general public at the moment so a lot of people are claiming it, perhaps after a few arguments or a breakdown with mutual recrimination so they have to treat it with caution so only the most serious cases receive priority. A police report or evidence would help with that.

I'm thinking of phoning women's aid tomorrow and telling them about STBEXHs abuse towards me. Would they act on my behalf to the council?

Thats not in their remit.

In order to be homeless under the legislation, you literally need to be without a roof or be living somewhere “it is not reasonable to continue to occupy”. Just a relationship breakdown will not necessarily make you homeless. They will look at your right to stay in the property.
So why are you leaving, not your husband?
If you have no right to stay (which seems unlikely), then is your husband kicking you out?
If he is not kicking you out, then is it “reasonable for you to continue to occupy” ? You may think not because the relationship has broken down. The council are likely to take the view that it is reasonable. If there is violence or abusive behaviour, then it will NOT be reasonable to continue to occupy.

The next thing is, even if you are “homeless” they have no duty to provide accommodation unless you are in “priority need” ie have children, or a medical condition that makes you vulnerable. They will also have no duty to provide accom if you are not ‘eligible’ - broadly speaking you are not eligible if you are “subject to immigration control”.

Going on the Housing Register for council accom is separate to applying as homeless. Each council has an allocation policy which gives priority to certain groups. You can ask to go on housing register,

My first question would be why are you moving out, not your husband.

Sorry OP, missed your other posts when wrote the above. First what is the situation where you are living? Is it rented? Are you joint tenants? A solicitor may be able to help you stay there and get DP out.

Secondly, the council have to provide temporary accom pending enquiries under s188HA if they HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE you MAY be homeless and in priority need. This is a LOW threshold. If your DP has been abusive, write down ALL THE Examples you can think if. Do ‘a day in the life’ style account. Give details of effect on you and effect on children. If you need help with this, phone SHELTER, go to a solicitor that deals with homelessness cases, go to a LAW CENTRE or phone women’s aid. I canno emphasise how much detail is important. Think of anyone who can back this up - a friend, relative, school teacher, GP who may be prepared to write a letter - even if it has just been you telling them about abuse in the past.

The council cannot insist you get a letter from DP if your case is that he is abusive to you. TELL them this. I used to work as a housing solicitor and for a major homeless charity. London councils routinely fob people off, try to get rid of anyone who applies. Good luck, but please go to a solicitor or agency that can help you.

Why doesn't your partner leave? Why would he want his kids living in temporary housing?

Because he's emotionally abusive and key parts of this are fear and control. "You can leave whenever you like, I won't stop you, but the council will put you and the kids in temporary accommodation with the drug addicts and the ex-prisoners. They'll steal your stuff, you won't be able to come and go as you please, there'll be nowhere to wash clothes, it'll be miles from school, nowhere to play out, and social services will end up involved......." I grew up in an emotionally abusive household and this bullshit was spouted often. They use the fear to exert the control and then they tell themselves that their partner stays of their own free will and it's all happy happy happy.

OP, you can tell the council that you don't want anything about your application discussed with your ex as it will leave you vulnerable to an escalation of the abuse. As you'd be going on the register as a single person they'd have no right to disclose details of your application to him anyway. Is there anyone you know who could let you use their address as a care of address? You can say on your application that you currently live at xxxxx address but you want all correspondence sent care of yyyyy address as you don't want him to know you've applied for housing. I know people who've done this, I've helped them to do it. In each case they stayed in the family home pretending everything was normal and the council letters were coming to my address as I was their "care of", they came here ostensibly "for a cuppa" but really to make phone calls to the council, bid in properties, etc. Once they had keys I helped them make the new property liveable and then they move out once it was all ready. Detail the abuse on the forms, detail why you don't want him knowing about your application, state that you need keys in your hand before you can leave the family home so that you have somewhere safe and secure to go to that's away from him.

The council will also have details of your local domestic abuse support service.

Thank you for you replies.

Firstly we live in a rented property, his name is under the tenancy and it's his house, or that's what he's always saying it is.

Secondly I cannot continue to live here, he's abusive and his mother treats me the same, shouting and screaming at me, I feel ganged up on. Read my previous threads, I don't care if they council puts me in a house in the outskirts of hull, I just wanna get away from him and his mother. Yesterday when I came home from the council he was shouting at me calling me a bad mother for taking his kids away from him, and he said he hopes the council give me a crap house so I become depressed, kill myself and he will take the kids 😢, I got it all on audio. I record him sometimes when he's ranting. So if I ever need evidence of his EA I got all the recordings.

His mother lives so close to us you could literally walk to her house, she lives alone in a 2 bedroom. He's very close to his mother and she's comes around several times a week, I've asked him many times if he could just move out and live with his mother, it would make things easier. He refuses and says he's a grown man and it would be "embarrassing " to move back in with his mum. And I'm a bad mother for going to the council to get rehoused, so what am I suppose to do? He really messes with my head 😞

Having to provide these letters has always seemed ridiculous to me.

If the relationship has fully broken down then why would an ex partner write one to help the other partner?

Omg mother were you a fly on the wall yesterday? That's EXACTLY what he said to me when I came home from the council and asked him to write a letter. He went on a rant and start saying that "I will be rehoused in a middle of nowhere. I have nothing, I'll be robbed etc don't call me, I'm not gonna help you "

He has said everything he could to doubts in my head and make me feel like I'm making the wrong decision, and it's easier to live here than go through the hassle of applying for temporary accommodation

Scandanavian, it's like they all get issued with a script at abuse school. The next step will be to start trashing you to everyone who will listen because if he can't control you, he'll try control what other people think of you - you're in debt, you're having an affair, you've got a deep dark secret that he's going to reveal and no one will want to know you afterwards, all that sort of thing. He'll try make you doubt yourself too, suggestions that you're perhaps mentally ill or that you've misunderstood situations.

It's hard right now, I've no doubt it's so difficult to live through it, but think about a year from now. A year from now where you've been shot of him for several months, where you're in your own house that you decorated and that's filled with your things, where you don't have to walk on eggshells, where no one is renting at you or blaming you or making you feel less of a person than you are.

You can do this

If he’s on the tenancy only he does have a right to ask you to leave which is good in as far as you will be entitled for help with housing. You need to put that in the letter. I guess you don’t want to stay there anyway with MIL around the corner.

Just a thought, as you are Scandinavian have you considered returning to your home country? I know you mentioned earlier that you are a SAHM and at the moment with you not working and needing housing help you will probably find that Scandinavia is a lot more helpful and welcoming to women in your situation.

Thank you mother that's what keeps me going everyday. Soon I won't be here and Granny narky bum will get her toddler son back and they can both go fuck themselves.

Yes mightymucks I've thought of going back hound as things would be easier with housing, but he has always said he wouldn't want me to go back home with the DCs. I can understand that, as it would be harder for him to see the DCs if I lived in a different country compare to outside London. And wouldn't he have rights as father to stop me from moving abroad with them in court?

Home*

It’s not illegal to go. But he could take out a prohibited steps order to stop you going but in granting him that the court would consider if what you were doing was reasonable and contact could still be facilitated.

If it comes down to it you might need to look at your options re housing. If it comes to a choice between a six hour drive up to Tyneside and your kids in a crap school in a horrible area vs. a two hour flight to Stockholm or similar if he has any sense he’d let you go. If, for example, you offered a lot of the school holidays as contact time for him he’d be a twat not to agree.

Honestly mightymucks the man is an idiot, if he had any sense he would move in with his mum and his DCs would be a walking distance from him.

I've been phoning women's aid all day, they're so busy 😕

He sounds like it. If you do find out your housing options and it looks like you would be sent out of London somewhere you didn’t know with no support network I really can’t see any court stopping you from taking them to Scandinavia

Just to say, Tyneside has some excellent schools....