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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can I stop 'helicopter parenting'?

31 replies

WishIwasonHoliday83 · 02/05/2018 19:02

Dd's work I feel is taking the mickey. I feel the need to step in, but know I should just leave her to deal with it herself. How can I stop myself from wanting to deal with it for her?

OP posts:
Smeddum · 02/05/2018 19:03

How old is your DD?

TrippingTheVelvet · 02/05/2018 19:04

By realising that if you keep doing these things for her she won't be able to do them herself.

mogloveseggs · 02/05/2018 19:04

Is that you mum????

G5000 · 02/05/2018 19:07

You will make your DD a laughing stock and won't help her in any way. Nobody wants to be known as the person whose mummy called their work.

mogloveseggs · 02/05/2018 19:07

Seriously though, you listen, you sympathise and you advise. This will allow her to come to the realisation that she is worth more and give her the courage to stand up for herself.

Original poster
WishIwasonHoliday83 · 02/05/2018 19:08

How old is your DD?
17

Is that you mum????
Grin

OP posts:
Isetan · 02/05/2018 19:08

The most important part of parenting is empowering your child to sort their own shit. Stepping in, robs her of the experience of solving her own problems.

Smeddum · 02/05/2018 19:08

I fully understand you wanting to step in, but I’d have been mortified at that age!

What’s the issue with work?

Pengggwn · 02/05/2018 19:09

It depends to what extent they are treating her 'like shit'. What's going on?

SilverySurfer · 02/05/2018 19:09

How old is she? To be honest if she's old enough to work then she's old enough to learn to deal with issues herself. I would have been extremely embarrassed, not to mention furious, had my parents interfered in any way.

Sparklesocks · 02/05/2018 19:10

It’s tempting to step in and protect our DC but when it come to professional matters they need to be able to stand on their own two feet. Also she needs to learn to fight her own corner, Mum won’t be there fighting her battles in every job she has.

SilverySurfer · 02/05/2018 19:11

Cross post - 17 - so difficult but you have to pull back, providing support and advice if she asks.

Good luck.

MrsJayy · 02/05/2018 19:11

Just sympathise advise and curse her manager, this is what I do dd2s work mum her about it is tempting to march in and go OIY!! But you can't

Queenio24 · 02/05/2018 19:12

She has to deal with it herself, coach her on what so say but for gods sake don't ring up or go in yourself!!

SeaToSki · 02/05/2018 19:15

A helpful parent can point out problems etc, make suggestions and help mop up any tears. A helicopter parent steps in and fixes the problems, tells the child to do what they think and gets cross or will say, do or buy anything to stop the tears.
If you dont want to helicopter, sit on your hands and dont DO anything. Practice saying wow, hmmm, I feel for you, what do you think you could do about that

GeorgeTheHippo · 02/05/2018 19:18

You tell yourself repeatedly that if you do step in, you undermine her. And you tell her more clearly than words could ever do that she can't deal with this and she needs her mum to step in.

Original poster
WishIwasonHoliday83 · 02/05/2018 19:18

She has to deal with it herself, coach her on what so say but for gods sake don't ring up or go in yourself!!
I wouldn't really go that far. Just feel that I want to - but I wouldn't!

OP posts:
Original poster
WishIwasonHoliday83 · 02/05/2018 19:32

What’s the issue with work?
Rarely gets breaks, always ends up working over her time. Pay is always wrong

OP posts:
Smeddum · 02/05/2018 19:34

@WishIwasonHoliday83 no wonder you’re pissed off! Is there a HR dept or a manager your DD could talk to?

Pengggwn · 02/05/2018 19:39

WishIwasonHoliday83

Right, those are definitely her issues to deal with. You can help her to politely challenge, but I wouldn't go as far as contacting anyone myself.

mogloveseggs · 02/05/2018 21:04

Is the job in hospitality by any chance?

Unihorn · 02/05/2018 21:06

I assume hospitality...

Original poster
WishIwasonHoliday83 · 02/05/2018 21:06

Is the job in hospitality by any chance?
Yes, she's a waitress. How did you guess?

OP posts:
mogloveseggs · 02/05/2018 21:09

Worked in the industry for 20 years.

mogloveseggs · 02/05/2018 21:10

do they have a clock in machine? If so advise her to photograph her clock in cards so she has a record