AIBU to wonder how people afford huge mortgages and we’re struggling to make ends meet?

[Beanbag12]

AIBU to wonder how people afford huge mortgages and we’re struggling to make ends meet?

We live in a very affluent area in rural Oxfordshire. We rent. The idea of saving for a 10% mortgage is so completely unrealistic as the cheapest 2 beds around here are £220k. We currently spend more than our wages every month (high cost of living, childcare costs). Everyone, and I mean everyone that I work with either already owns or are buying hugely expensive houses. They’re on similar wages to me. AIBU to wonder how the divide between us is so big?

I know this probably has obvious answers; we should have been more sensible when we were younger, inheritance etc. but I’m interested in other’s experiences in this.
I don't really want to divulge any more information about our situation and I don't want advice (I know people will say it's our fault we're in our situation, which I am willing to accept, so no critisism please)

I bought my first house at 21, then jointly purchased a flat with now DH, saving up through my work's credit union.

That flat doubled in value by the time we wanted to sell. We sold both properties to get where we are now.

There is no way we could have done it without buying early. My pay has pretty much stagnated over the past few years (3DC, work p/t).

No idea how anyone buys now without inheritance!

They might have had big deposits, inheritance, savings etc

Yeah, you nailed it.

Bank of mum and dad.
Inheritance.
Were sensible and saved like fuck when younger.
Lived for free in parents house and saved.
Got a mortgage before having (expensive) kids.
Earn more.

It always used to be mortgage before children. Not criticising you, OP, but it's still the sensible way of doing things.

Mortgage before kids. Because you have more disposable income plus only need a cheaper house/flat.

I don't know that it's possible the other way around. We're stuck with this too. It's not really the end of the world, perhaps we'll be able to get one when the kids leave home?

We were given some money by my parents and lent some by DHs dad as we weren't able to get the 10%. We are paying DHs dad back a bit each month but we are earning a lot more now than when we bought 5 years ago. Our house has increased a lot in value which helps too.

They have a different set of resources! That's it.

We lived like mad things in our early to mid 20s, oh the money we wasted having a lovely time

We saved like banshees in our 30s, put ourselves through university, one at a time. That took 8 years, he did an access course and I did a masters.

We lived a hermit like life in our 40s. Rented a house we couldn't possibly afford to buy and knuckled down to saving as much of our second age as possible. The novelty of having 2 proper wages probably still hasn't worn off.

We finally bought a house in our 50s and are still living for the savings account - now officially 2 x pension pots!

The ILs, on the other hand, wasted their 20s, just like us; have had good jobs since their late 20s, have had at least one substantial inheritance that also went on two 'holidays of a lifetime', extended their mortgage regularly for yearly exotic holidays and so now, 30+ years later, still owe a huge amount and are splitting up under the pressure of it.

Sometimes it's just a matter of priorities, other times a matter of what your resource pool is like. But mostly, it is about recognising your opportunities and limitations and living to the best of them!

Started at the bottom and worked up usually. House share - bedsit- 1 bed flat - 2 bed etc. Usually in shit areas.

No one starts in the best area in a family home without a serious leg up or inheritance. Lower you expectations. Buy the best in a bad area and go from there.

Yes to marriage and mortgage first.

In our case 125% Northern Rock mortgage on first house. Then mailed the keys back when we left the country as it hadn’t sold.

New country help from parents, which was subsequently paid back.

Bought a shared equity house pre children. Over paid on the mortgage and saved like hell. Then sold it at the right time and able to buy a bigger family home. Before buying I did lots of house shares etc.

Bought first house aged 26 with ex and we moved to a bigger house, keeping the first one to rent out. Took out my half of the equity 8 years when we split up. That became the deposit for the family house I bought with new partner. Still a big mortgage but manageable and getting easier as the kids get older and nursery fees have reduced to nothing.

@CuriousaboutSamphire I'm sorry but that sounds like such a tragic wasted life

Bought teeny tiny house in 2000, everyone told us we could get humongous mortgage on our salaries, but asked how much we could afford with £x that amount being existing rent, car loan coming to end. Then looked for a house for that budget. Got married 2002, husband made redundant, (cheap wedding) I then got made redundant, 2004. But by then celtic tiger was roaring, husband earning lots and we had a teeny tiny mortgage. Child 1 born 2005, chucked any spare cash at mortgage and pension. Child 2 born 2011, even in a crashing property market, with original mortgage almost paid off, we'd doubled our money. Rented for a year by which stage asking price for current house had fallen in value by almost £200k.

So basically a combination of sheer bloody luck, and buying and selling at the right time. To be fair though, we also drive ancient cars, don't go on holiday and aren't big spenders. My Mum died recently and there will be a reasonable inheritance coming (more than £50k, less than £100) we'll probably have a cheap holiday and chuck the rest at the mortgage. Having both faced redundancy, we are cautious spenders.

I also live in an affluent part of Oxfordshire, and we did it by buying a practically derelict property and doing it up very slowly. We had a 2yo and a newborn at the time. 8 years down the line, we have a third child and are still missing carpets and internal doors. We’ll get there!

I managed to pull together a lot for our deposit. But I lived with DH for 2 yrs beforehand in a flat paid for (inc bills) by his company. I saved all that would have been rent and saved any spare too. I’d no kids at the time so it was basically only food and entertainment I had to pay for for 2 yrs. it would have been very different without that situation.

I work in the financial sector and people really don’t realise how much childcare costs/ dependants affect affordability when it comes to mortgage.

Rent- mortgage/marriage- babies is the way forward if you want to plan ahead financially. Although obviously for some people it’s not always possible.

There’s lots of schemes such as shared ownership, help to buy, 95% mortgages for FTB’s to help you get on the market! It’s not nessesarily as hopeless as you think.

Yeah we planned carefully and bought before kids. Once kids come along lots of other necessary costs and losses of income get in the way.

We've been very fortunate with help from family. The deposit for my first home came from my grandfather, who had been investing money since I was a child. And my Mum has given me a chunk of my inheritance already so we could buy a bigger home (and I have my original house that is rented so I get income from that).

We would have managed eventually without it if I had stayed in my old job (which I hated). However, this gave me the freedom to set up my own business and work for myself.

I'm very aware that we have been extremely lucky to be in the position we're in, as we'll have our house paid off entirely by the time we are both 40. It's changed our lives.

The FT did an article on this.

The blunt answer is they didn't.

They had help.

Does it highchair ? I suspect the devil is in the details! We just made the most of having 2 wages by living within one and saving as much of the other as possible. That didn't mean we starved or were miserable.

We enjoyed every minute of it! Had a riotous teen - twenty decade. Did degrees because we wanted to, in subjects we enjoyed and even turned them into careers. Rented a big house with a huge garden, kept chickens, grew veg, made jam and chutney, lived The Good Life in the middle of nowhere, only 2 neighbours and LOADS of quality time.

Now we own our own home, no mortgage, he has a job he loves that takes him all over the place and I, having retired from lecturing, now run 2 businesses, one for the money the other is art/craft based, both make a profit. And we do as we will whilst still saving money!

Not at all wasted or miserable. Honest!

Oh yeah - or be born earlier in the time of cheaper house prices and 100% mortgages!!!!

I often wondered how a (very lovely) colleague seemed to have so much more disposable income than me despite what must have been similar family incomes. Turned out that she had an interest only mortgage, plus the fact that she was just a few years older than me so had been able to buy before the market really went crazy in the late 2000’s (and her Mum did all her childcare).

Oh! Well, we almost got to page 2 I suppose!

We bought a house that needed a lot of work. We spent the next 2 years working every weekend and living on a building site. It was worth it as we could never have afforded it any other way.

We were lucky when we bought but we also started small with a 1 bed basement flat and worked our way up.
It is so much harder these days though we only needed a 5% deposit and the prices while still high 12 years ago when we started weren't as ridiculous as they are now.