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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU wanting tattoos when parents disapprove?

39 replies

Missnearlyvintage · 02/05/2018 11:49

I'm 26, have a DH, house, DCs etc. and love tattoos, I have done since I was little.

DM and DF hate them, especially DF.

I have some small tattoos which are easy to cover up when seeing DM and DF - especially DF who has never seen my existing tattoos in the 8 years I've had them...

Now after much thought I would like to start getting more tattoos, however I am genuinely concerned that DF at least will disown me, or get very very angry, and I really do not want that. We have had issues in our Father Daughter relationship previously, and it's upsetting for all involved, especially now DCs are here.

I feel a bit caged to be honest, and like I can't be me.

AIBU to think that I should have power over what I do as it's my body and at 26 I'm pretty grown up?!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 02/05/2018 11:50

Do what you want. It's your body, your choice

PinkHeart5914 · 02/05/2018 11:52

Your an adult why do your parents get a say anyway? It's your body if you want the tattoo get it.

Who disowns a child over a tattoo? Someone that never deserved to have a child that’s who

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 02/05/2018 11:52

If they have a problem with it, it's their problem to deal with, not yours. You're the only one who should have a say in this.

MojoMoon · 02/05/2018 11:55

If he threatened to disown you over something so ridiculous, then you'd need to question whether the relationship with him was even worth trying to save.

Perhaps if you are very clear with him " I have got this tattoo. It is my body and my choice. I will not engage in discussion with you about it" and then just refuse to engage with him at all, he can huff and puff but without getting a reaction from you.

Be super calm, don't rise to it, don't show him you are upset - basically treat him like a toddler. "I can see if are upset but I am not going to discuss it."

Willow2017 · 02/05/2018 12:16

Its none of thier business.
You are an adult you dont need thier approval to do anything.

If you get comments just tell them you are an adult, its your body, your choice and if they have a problem with that its thier problem not yours and its not up for discussion. Then refuse to be drawn into arguments/justifying it.

Why on earth do people think they should control thier adult kids for all thier lives?

moonriverandme · 02/05/2018 12:22

You are an adult. What you do with your body is your business. I don't particularly like tattoos. My daughter has 2, quite a big one on her lower back onto her stomach, which I have to say is pretty and feminine and another she had done at 26 around her ankle, again very pretty if that makes a difference.Not my choice, not my business. Would I disown her, stop loving her ? never ever. Does your father try to control / interfere in other areas of your life?

snowsun · 02/05/2018 12:23

That sounds quite controlling if he has that power over you.
I would write him a note so he can't argue with you. Say you know he's against tattoos but they are something you love. That as you are an adult you will be having some. That this isn't going against his wishes but doing something that is important to you. It does not change who you are or how much you love him.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 02/05/2018 12:24

My MIL hit the roof when I got my tattoo 18 months ago, aged 25 Confused her reaction immediately made me want to go out and get a full sleeve done :o (I didn’t) Since then, I have it on show as much as possible just to piss her off, it’s on my calf so I wear shorts/mid-length dresses all summer :o

GrandTheftWalrus · 02/05/2018 12:25

My mum said as long as I lived under her roof I wasn't allowed to get my tongue pierced. But I was allowed a tattoo!

The minute I moved out I got my tongue pierced and she never said a word.

It's my body and my choice but I respected her wishes about the piercing and waited.

FizzyGreenWater · 02/05/2018 12:26

WTF!

You're an adult. If your DF reacted like this, then you're better off with a lot of distance from him anyway - as are your children.

FASH84 · 02/05/2018 12:26

I'm not even a fan of tattoos but this is madness. You are a grown woman, and a mother do what you want.

fantasmasgoria1 · 02/05/2018 12:28

My mil doesn’t like tattoos and my fiancé has quite a few large ones. I also have a sleeve etc. She says she doesn’t like them but her son is an adult and can do as he pleases. I would have whatever tattoos you want.

SistersOfPercy · 02/05/2018 12:29

MIL's reaction when DH got his tattoo was one of disappointment, followed with a perfectly serious response of 'but if you murder someone they'll be able to identify you now!' He's a very mild mannered project manager 😂

I get it though OP. My Mum never really liked mine, especially the ones at the top of my arm. She passed away last year and I had my arm turned into a half sleeve a few months back. It does feel odd to not have her nagging me about it though.

GrandTheftWalrus · 02/05/2018 12:30

Also exH was against tattoos and piercings so I only have 2 tattoos. Would love more and only 3 body piercings.

DP however has no tattoos or piercings but he wants one so I'm getting him a voucher for a tattoo for his birthday.

I may even treat myself to another one when I get his.

agentdaisy · 02/05/2018 12:30

You're an adult who is old enough to be married and have a house and kids. If you want a tattoo then get one. If your parents don't approve then that's tough on them.

If they'd disown you over this then I'd be questioning my relationship with them.

Strugglingtodomybest · 02/05/2018 12:34

What everyone else said. Your body, your choice.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 02/05/2018 12:36

Exactly what chickens said up thread. My DM said same to me...so I went out and got covered. One of my DC had her first one at 18...she's also pretty much covered. You're an adult...go for it. Doesn't make you any less of a person

Original poster
Missnearlyvintage · 02/05/2018 12:38

Thanks so much for all your replies.

DF is lovely, but has a very set way he would like his DCs to behave/ look. I always felt very close to him when I was little, and like to hold onto that naive relationship now whenever possible.

He didn't like my behaviour or lifestyle choices when I was a teen, and though I tried to be respectful we are fundamentally very different people. It's nice to have his approval though, I don't think I've had a lot of that to be honest, and contemplating starting another episode of disapproval is unsettling.

It feels like I'll be nailing the coffin on our relationship if I get the tattoos, but at the same time I'm so passionate about them and I've already waited and waited so as not to upset him. I imagine I'd already be covered in them if it wasn't for him.

I imagine there will be a catalyst and I will either be getting them or I won't.

OP posts:
MyotherUsernameisaPun · 02/05/2018 12:40

It's entirely your decision and your body and your choice. I'm just so sorry for you that your parents are making your life difficult about it because you shouldn't even have to consider them - but I understand why it's hard just to say 'fuck it' and not care about their reaction. I hope that you are able to do what makes you happy though Flowers

madamedepoppadom · 02/05/2018 12:40

I'm 26

There's your answer.

Any relative who would "disown" you for something that isn't hurting anybody probably doesn't deserve to be in touch with you.

lhastingsmua · 02/05/2018 12:46

Just get them done!

He sounds ridiculously controlling and abusive if he would disown you/your kids over your choice of getting tattoos.

You’re an adult. You shouldn’t diminish yourself/your wants to appease him. This isn’t a relationship that sounds healthy

lhastingsmua · 02/05/2018 12:47

You are your own person, not an extension of him. He has no right to have an input on your tattoo choices, especially as they are not offensive

FindoGask · 02/05/2018 12:50

They'll get over it! I hid all my tattoos from my dad until last year - I am 40! His reaction when he found out (not my choice, he saw a photo) was a bit baffled but ultimately unconcerned, which was a shock to me considering how strict he was when I was a child and how traditional his views are. I felt a bit silly for having kept the secret for so long.

fleshmarketclose · 02/05/2018 12:56

I would hate for my dc (adult) to have tattoos but if they did I wouldn't say a word as they are adults and it has to be their choice. I don't believe for a minute that your df would disown you despite any threats though. Parents say stuff in haste (I told my dc if they smoked I'd cut them out my will. They don't smoke but I wouldn't have anyway) that when push comes to shove they would never act upon.

ArialAnna · 02/05/2018 13:10

Just get them if you want them - you're an adult.

But if you want to avoid a drama, just tell DF they are temporary tattoos. By the time he clicks they are not, he'll probably be used to them and it won't seem like such a big deal.

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