AIBU wanting tattoos when parents disapprove?

[Missnearlyvintage]

I'm 26, have a DH, house, DCs etc. and love tattoos, I have done since I was little.

DM and DF hate them, especially DF.

I have some small tattoos which are easy to cover up when seeing DM and DF - especially DF who has never seen my existing tattoos in the 8 years I've had them...

Now after much thought I would like to start getting more tattoos, however I am genuinely concerned that DF at least will disown me, or get very very angry, and I really do not want that. We have had issues in our Father Daughter relationship previously, and it's upsetting for all involved, especially now DCs are here.

I feel a bit caged to be honest, and like I can't be me.

AIBU to think that I should have power over what I do as it's my body and at 26 I'm pretty grown up?!

As a parent of a nearly 26 year old, my attitude is your body - your choice; but please don't expect me to like them or 'give my approval', having said that, I'm in my mid fifties and still find occasions in my life when I want my parent's approval. I don't know why, but I'm sure I can't be the only one. If DC wants a full body tattoo it's nothing to do with me. Personally, as much as I admire the artistry I can't my head around why one wants to 'disfigure' a perfectly beautiful body. But then I have the same thought when I see people who have had facial surgery to 'enhance' their features.

My mum went nuts when I got my first tattoo at 28! I think she's over it night.

My dad just shrugged.

I know this sounds a bit dramatic, but have you considered a few sessions with a counsellor to help you unpack your relationship with your DF a bit?

I like to hold onto that naive relationship now whenever possible

He didn't like my behaviour or lifestyle choices when I was a teen ... it's nice to have his approval though, I don't think I've had a lot of that to be honest

It feels like I'll be nailing the coffin on our relationship if I get the tattoos ... I imagine I'd already be covered in them if it wasn't for him

It is normal and natural to want your parent's approval OP, and that can persist well into adulthood/your whole life, so I'm not going to tell you you're wrong for wanting it.

But persistently chasing the approval of a parent who has demonstrated clearly that a) you aren't going to win them over and b) their approval is based on them having control over you is setting yourself up to be very, very miserable.

You are an adult now, and it sounds as though you still have a very strong need to make your father like you. It is heartbreaking that he is so conditional with his love/support/approval and it is NOT YOUR FAULT that he is like this - and therefore there is no way that your behaviour can get him to change.

I think that, rather than spending time worrying about whether to risk his love or not, your time would be better spent with someone who could help you sort through ways to help you be happy regardless of whether your dad is pleased with you.

My family hate tattoos, and when I said to my mum I either got a kitten or a tattoo, I got a kitten (she hates pets as well).
I still don't have any tattoos, mostly because I've never been brave enough to actually do it. But I'm seriously thinking about it because I've wanted a particular one since I was 17, I'm now 25.
I no longer speak to or see my family, except my dad. If I do get one it'll be on my upper thigh, so very easy to hide as my dad will never see my in such a state of undress obviously.

I totally understand.

I crave my dad's approval even though I am 36. I love it when he praises me or takes an interest in what I'm doing.

If he disapproves, I don't do it.

I don't know why I am like this.

My DP are not tattoo fans and despite at least 85% of my body being covered (over the past 2 decades) my DM still asks me not to get any more. But they accept this is me as i accept DM's religion and they are rather proud i was well ahead of the trend getting heavy tattoo coverage then making plenty of money off the back of the current trend for tattoos

My dad went purple when he saw my tattoo! He’s very religious and quoted the bible (something about not marking or damaging the body god gave me or something) until I pointed out that he paid for me to have my ears pierced as a teenager!
He still doesn’t like it, but grudgingly admits it’s a nice one and not tacky unlike my brother who has shitloads of awful ones

My mum just pursed her lips and said “hmm”

My parents hate them, I have 4 (3 are big) and my sister has a full sleeve.
My mum pulls a face at them occasionally but got over it soon enough.

The toddler in laws had a similar reaction when DH shaved his head when DS lost his hair to chemotherapy, the answer to that was "I'm an adult, I don't live under your roof and therefore I can do as I please!" If your DP's have issues with tattoos, then it's their issue, not yours to be worried about!

I hate tattoos with a passion. As does dh. 4 of my 6 grown up kids have 2 or more their business and not mine. Teen dd has a ring type thing through her nostrils. Vile. Still her body. I told her it looked good and I see she’s taken it out ha ha ha

Your father shouldn’t be commenting on your body choices anyway.

Get a bloody sleeve

Your body, your choice.

My beloved elderly Nanna hates tattoos on women. Which is too bad really because I love mine. I got my first one a few years ago and she had not mentioned it one (it’s a sleeve, she’s definitely seen it.) Me and my Mum have a long-standing bet on if she ever will mention it instead of just getting a mouth like a cats bum when I wear a short sleeved top

It's really good to hear all of your views, thank you.

Re. approval from DF - of course I would like it, but I don't usually live my life striving for it nowadays. I just know that this is a particularly sore point for him. It is a good point though saying that I take this to heart quite a lot, and this has been raised previously when I've done CBT etc.

As I've thought about it this afternoon/ evening I've realised that DF has mellowed since my youth too, as my sister got a new ear piercing a while ago (not quite on the same scale as an arm sleeve tattoo that I'm wanting first off, but we were only ever allowed one pair of pierced earrings so it did break his 'rules'), and he is yet to say anything about it even though she shows it all the time. So maybe I'm not giving him enough credit for managing to respect our choices. He only wants the best for us really.

I've taken what all of you have said, and I think I will just go for it and get the tattoos I want when I feel that the time is right for me.

An additional reason to get some of the tattoos are to cover some scarring I have from a particularly turbulent time, as I don't want to be known for that, and I don't want the DCs to have any grief from anyone about it, or think that I am setting an example that that is a good thing to do. So really I need this to let all of that go, and move on in a more positive way. I would rather be known as the Mum at the school gates with tattoos, as was always my plan really, than the Mum at the school gates that has scars all over which were obviously not caused by accidents.

I might not tell DF until afterwards, so that I can't back out of it just because of his reaction, as as some of you have said, it is my life, my body and my choice, and I need to start being who I am, and the person that I want to be. DM is a different story, and I feel I owe it to her to give her some forewarning, she can decide what she does with that information.

Thanks everyone, you've all given me some courage!

Is this the 1940s?

I had my first tattoo aged 46 which my 4 grown up children hate.
My mum aged 69 went out and got one too!