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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss Aunt's Funeral Tomorrow

47 replies

turtletime · 02/05/2018 07:54

AIBU to miss my Aunt's funeral tomorrow for a job interview that cannot be rearranged? Having applied to over 20 graduate schemes with no luck, I finally got offered an assessment centre for literally my dream job. However, it just so happens to fall on the same day as my Aunt's funeral and it's the last assessment centre for this year's intake. I practically begged them to accommodate me but there is nothing they can do. This is really my last stab of getting a job for September. I've applied to a number of masters programmes just to increase my employability but really would love to be done with university and uni fees. I know it's a gamble as there's no guarantee of me getting the job but I still think the experience will be invaluable. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ilovechocolate111 · 02/05/2018 07:56

We're you close to your aunt?
X

PurpleWithRed · 02/05/2018 07:57

What would your aunt say if you were able to ask her?

Original poster
turtletime · 02/05/2018 07:57

*last chance of getting onto a graduate scheme for Sept

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 02/05/2018 07:58

What would your aunt say if you were able to ask her?
That's what I would ask.
E.g. I know my relatives are very much 'life is for the living'.

CusheyButterfield · 02/05/2018 07:58

I would go to the interview- it's very unfortunate timing, but it might give you a chance at a great job.

Is there any way you could go to the funeral reception (sorry, I'm not sure if that's the right word) after the interview?

Are there other members of your family going to the funeral to 'represent' you?

PotteringAlong · 02/05/2018 07:59

I think your aunt would say to go for it Flowers

Juiceylucy09 · 02/05/2018 07:59

YANBU. Go for interview, maybe speak to the immediate family before and arrange something nice afterwards.

Good luck.

Original poster
turtletime · 02/05/2018 07:59

It was a complicated relationship. I love her deeply but we became distant in recent years.

OP posts:
Ginosaji · 02/05/2018 08:00

I can understand your predicament, and if it was me i would feel so torn, but if you and your aunt were close she would want the best for you, so i say go for it and you can always say your own private goodbye to her afterwards, I know if it was my aunt she would tell me to go for it Thanks

TeeBee · 02/05/2018 08:00

Funerals are for the living. I would go to your interview and find your own way of saying goodbye to her. Sorry for your loss.

Brokenbiscuit · 02/05/2018 08:00

Tough one, but I'd go to the interview. Perhaps you can find another way to pay your respects to your aunt. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to give up a really good opportunity.

Butterymuffin · 02/05/2018 08:01

I'd do the job interview and go to the wake afterwards or to see the family. That's what most sensible relatives would tell you to do.

travailtotravel · 02/05/2018 08:02

Find another way to celebrate your aunts life, but get on with trying to make the most of yours. You may get some black from some rellies, but it's not their life - it's yours.

educatingarti · 02/05/2018 08:03

My cousin was unable to come to my Dad's funeral. She wrote me a lovely letter with her thoughts about my dad, memories bod things he'd done that meant a lot to be when she was little etc. It was really lovely and meant so much to me. Perhaps you could do the same for any of your aunt's more immediate family.

onalongsabbatical · 02/05/2018 08:04

How will the rest of your family feel about you choosing the interview? I'm not saying you should decide on that basis, but if they'd all support you then it's not an issue, if they are going to disapprove it's more complicated. On the face of it I'd say go for the interview and explain your reasons just like you've done here, it seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Original poster
turtletime · 02/05/2018 08:29

I won't be able to attend the wake unfortunately. My relationship with my aunt was quite complicated due to my dad falling out with her (his sister) so I've had minimal contact with that part of my family but a deep bond remains. I also feel like I like I have to make up for not seeing her even though I told her I would (I thought she had more time). My concern is that from an outsiders perspective, it could easily be assumed that I just don't give a damn about her.

OP posts:
lalalonglegs · 02/05/2018 08:31

Speak to your aunt's husband/children/whoever is in charge of the funeral arrangements and explain the situation. Apologise and make it clear that you will have to go to the interview. Ask if there is a charity for which they are collecting donations in your aunt's memory and send a generous donation.

mayhew · 02/05/2018 08:32

Send something with a personal message. Tell someone who will be there the reason you cannot attend. No one who wishes you well would want you to miss your opportunity.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 02/05/2018 08:33

The day the hospital said they were switching my dgm life support off (and she knew) I had tickets to a concert, dgm made me promise to still go!! I did and when I got back she had just passed away.
Your aunt will be proud you are doing well I expect. Flowers

LIZS · 02/05/2018 08:33

Interview. You can show your respect in other ways - card, visit grave/memorial, flowers etc. Which might be easier if you were estranged.

Ilovechocolate111 · 02/05/2018 08:42

I would just go to your interview.
You won't get another opportunity to do it again,!
I'm sure your family will understand,
You can always go to your aunts grave to send you respects.
Go for it! Xx

AntipodeanOpalEye · 02/05/2018 08:44

Life is for the living OP. You can mourn in private just as well as in an organised farewell.

MrsCrabbyTree · 02/05/2018 08:47

Do what you would regret the most in the future if you didn't do it.

(Most of us would go to the interview and say 'goodbye' to aunt another time.)

PoisonousSmurf · 02/05/2018 08:49

Go for the interview! Funerals are miserable anyhow.

Ginslinger · 02/05/2018 08:50

go to your interview -

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