To miss Aunt's Funeral Tomorrow

[turtletime]

AIBU to miss my Aunt's funeral tomorrow for a job interview that cannot be rearranged? Having applied to over 20 graduate schemes with no luck, I finally got offered an assessment centre for literally my dream job. However, it just so happens to fall on the same day as my Aunt's funeral and it's the last assessment centre for this year's intake. I practically begged them to accommodate me but there is nothing they can do. This is really my last stab of getting a job for September. I've applied to a number of masters programmes just to increase my employability but really would love to be done with university and uni fees. I know it's a gamble as there's no guarantee of me getting the job but I still think the experience will be invaluable. AIBU?

Go to the interview , there are no points or medals for attendance at funerals, it is not compulsory and whether one goes or not is not a reflection on how much you thought of/loved that individual.

Find another way to say goodbye to your aunt that is meaningful for you.

Life is for the living op, go grab your opportunity tomorrow with both hands!

Interview.

Explain (handwritten card if possible) to the 'lead mourner'.

Good luck with the interview.

Go to the interview, but phone the undertaker and send your apologies so that your name will be on the list of mourners if the family ask for one. And send a floral contribution or donation.

Funerals aren't for the deceased, they are for the living.

There is no question here, this is your future, you go to the interview!
If you can possibly get back in time for the wake, or part of it then do so, but your future employment must come first.....send anyway!

I would send a card of condolence but wouldn't mention a job interview. They have other things on their mind and probably could care less if you are there if you had fallen out anyway.

So sorry for this - the harsh fact remains that you cannot possibly be in two places at once and the guilt it makes you feel is inevitable. As neither can be rearranged you're stuck, aren't you?
IIWU I'd go to the job interview which will impact on your future in a way that the funeral won't. I do hope that family members aren't giving you a hard time about it. Your aunt would probably agree.

Write a handwritten card/letter to her family. Explain your sadness at her death and not being able to attend. If they cannot understand that, they don’t deserve your love.

Go to the interview, but send a letter or a card to your aunt's family/partner/close friend, with kind thoughts and maybe a favourite memory of her. Funerals often happen at times that not everyone can make. It's not an outrageous crime to miss one.

Agree with others - I'd go to the interview but send a hand written card to whomever is most appropriate in your aunt's family - or more than one if that is more suitable/there are a few contacts. Personally, I don't think I'd specify that I was going to a job interview - I would just say I had a prior commitment that meant I was unable to attend. Depending on the family wishes, I'd also send flowers/charity donation in her memory.
I'm sorry for you loss, and hope the interview goes well.

I would think she would want u to go for the job. Can somone record the service for y'u? i know it sounds a bit crass but it would be a way yo still 'be there'

I would go to the interview. It's a shame you will miss it but this is your future and your family should understand that. You can remember your Aunt in your own way and of course pay your respects to her gravestone (equiv) when you can.

I am sure your aunt, or any relation who loved you, would want you to go to the job interview. When opportunities are so scarce, anyone who loved you would have wanted the best for you.

Go, and then take some time in the evening to remember her your own way. Perhaps have a ceremony of your own.

Go for the interview, send a big bunch of flowers to the funeral, and if you can make it to the wake, then go to that.

Definitely go to the interview.

Sorry to sound harsh but funerals are for the living. The dead can’t witness them because they’re.. dead. I would go to the job interview and then visit her grave maybe? If you feel that’s how you need to say goodbye? Good luck

Also not to be too bold but if the interviewers know you’ve missed a direct family members funeral to interview for them that screams dedication to your work doesn’t it?? Maybe my family’s just got a dark humour I don’t know..

The funeral is not only about mourning your Aunt it's also a special opportunity to re-connect with your family and start the process of healing a painful rift (not of your making) and create something new and hopefully positive. Do you think there will be other chances to do this. Nothing beats face to face contact for nurturing relationships. Can you arrange something for after the funeral? And do what Cocoagin suggests.

I would go to the interview, is your Aunt being buried? If she is, you could go to the graveside later and leave a lovely bouquet of flowers and a personal letter.

If there has been animosity then there could be trouble at the funeral. Which I am sure your Aunt wouldn't want.

My DH was in the situation where he was offered a massive promotion, going from agency (so not confirmed position) to an offer of a full-time position, his GF had just passed and whilst they were accommodating for him taking time off for a funeral, he knew that they needed the position filling immediately. Meaning that they would have to pass the promotion onto someone else. DH called his GM and she said his GF would want him to go for the job, that the funeral wasn't important. DH kept in touch with his GM daily and wrote a beautiful letter about his relationship with his GF and sent it with a bouquet of flowers and a big basket of fruit to his GM. She phoned and thanked him saying it was very comforting.

Unfortunately, it has been thrown in his face ever since, as he went NC with his DM/DF and they suddenly forgot all about the letter, the bouquet, the multiple phone calls and accused him of not caring at all. DH found it really distressing but when I asked him how he thought his GF would have felt about it, he said that his GF had told him that 'funerals are for the living, not the dead' and that he would have been more encouraging about his promotion.

He sometimes wonders if he should have gone to the funeral, but as things went because of his job we were able to buy our house. It was over a year before another position became available and that was given to the son of a higher up official. Which he would not have been offered. This sounds incredibly important, you have worked hard for this opportunity.

What matters is the love and relationship that you had with your Aunt. If you are on good terms with your cousins then I would maybe write a nice letter to them reminiscing about your Aunt. If not, then have your own little service to say goodbye, go to the graveside or light a candle and think about your Aunt. Is your Father going?

Go to the interview. Not to be harsh, but your Aunt will still be dead the following day - pay your respects another day.

To those who would judge you for not being there - not their place. Fuck them, and never live your life according to what others might think.

HTH

(Hope you get the job)

I was in a similar situation when my uncle died. I did not attend the funeral but I wrote a letter to his wife explaining the situation and expressing all the things I would have said had I attended. I also sent flowers. She and her children (my cousins) seemed fine about it at the time and recently, 3 years later when I saw her she referred to the letter I wrote saying how much she had appreciated it and that she has kept it.

So I think if you make an effort in other ways which are obviously sincere it is clear you are not just making an excuse not to be there or just don't care.

Go get that job xxx

I'd go to the interview, if I were her I'd rather you take the chance and get a job than go to my funeral.