To get angry with DH for interrupting me

[interuptus]

When Im talking.
This morning was an example, we were going through new work pattern child care options before he went to work.
As I'm replying to him with my thoughts he starts saying to our 2 year old; "Are you going to the farm park today? That will be fun won't it"

I stop talking and he gets annoyed and says "keep going I am listening"

This happens ALL the fucking time. I shouted "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING IF YOURE TALKING!"

This happens several times a day and it pisses me off. It was worse when we had a cat because he'd suddenly start talking to the cat.

Im not talking to someone who is simultaneously talking.

He left for work saying "I would really like to hear your thoughts on this though" and I said well you'll have to listen then won't you.

ARGGGH SO ANNOYING!!!

Sometimes I deliberately stand right in front of dh's armchair (blocking the tv, preventing escape from the room) then talk.

Come to think, I've developed a few strategies. Blocking the tv and escape route. Bringing up sex mid interruption then saying "hold that thought" and continue conversation. Placing a note on top of his meal saying "I need to say something without interruption". All sounds a bit controlling, but what else can I do. They usually work, we've been married 26 years.

My mother does this every time I speak, she’s a victim narcissist and lives for drama, so me raising my voice over her wittering, or saying ‘don’t interrupt me’ can then be met with her welling up and getting to be the poor victim. I don’t bother with her beyond a tedious fortnightly visit for a few minutes out of obligation. Don’t know how anyone could stand being married to someone so disrespectful on a day to day basis.

Interrupting is rude. I do have to interrupt my oh at times because is like an absent minded professor who hesitates, repeats himself, looses track, ( he’d never make it on Just a Minute). But it’s usually to prompt him. He hates it .

YANBU. My mother does this, doesn’t matter if you’re talking to her or to someone else when she’s there. She will start asking questions to someone else, and if I stop and start again once she’s done, she will do it again. She knows she’s doing it, it’s been pointed out to her; she just doesn’t care.

I hate being interrupted but I also can't stand people who waffle when you ask them a simple question! I don't know which is worse to be honest.

Or people who talk at you but don't really expect an answer - they just fixate on something and go on about it, but when they pause and you speak, they either talk over you, or listen, then completely ignore everything you've said.

Can you tell I've had to put up with someone like that this morning and it's driven me slightly mad? 😂

DP does this - goes off on a mad tangent when I'm in the middle of a sentence which he could do with hearing the end of. I just repeat myself until he listens

I used to work with a man who was much worse - he would interrupt someone mid-sentence LOUDLY and effectively drown them out with whatever extremely important man-thought he was having at the time. One day I'd had enough and in a meeting he started to talk over me, so I just continued what I was saying, competing with his loudness. We both just got louder until we were just shouting at/over each other. It didn't happen again. I was somewhere between proud and mortified and was shaking when I left that room!!

One day I'd had enough and in a meeting he started to talk over me, so I just continued what I was saying, competing with his loudness. We both just got louder until we were just shouting at/over each other. It didn't happen again. I was somewhere between proud and mortified and was shaking when I left that room!!

that's hilarious, good for you

My mother does this ALL THE TIME. She's renowned for it in the family. No matter what you do, whether it's stop talking and look at her pointedly, or say, "I'm sorry, can I finish" she won't stop doing it. It's as if she literally can't stop herself. And then she has a go at me for not telling me something when I blatantly have told her, but she'd interrupted me so hadn't listened. Grrr.

Oh my other related peeve is people who complete your sentences when you're still talking. Again, I think some people don't realise they're doing it but I find it SOOO annoying - and even patronising, like "Yes I do know what I'm about to say, you don't have to fill in for me!"
Example:
Me: I'd rather buy a llama or an alpaca than a goat.
Them: than a goat, yeah (at the same time)
Me: Wow, did you realise you were finishing my sentence for me?
Them: my sentence for me, haha yeah

@Cindbelly, I think my dh is like yours, in the sense that he approaches an answer to a question by a torturous route that makes no sense to anybody and makes you want to bang your head against the wall.

But he also uses this technique as a deflection (I presume). If we're discussing something at all serious - trying to thrash out an issue between us, or recalibrate an aspect of our relationship, or even just rejig use of the car (a sensitive topic!), he may just be silent when I ask a question, but he also tends to go with random comments or questions like 'I think we should chop the trellis down in the back garden'.
E.g.:
Me: 'I need the car more now, DDs getting too heavy to carry, so since it's better weather will you be able to cycle more?'
Dh: [long pause during which I assume he is thinking ]
Me: (after a fair old while) 'so what would work for you?'
Dh: (in a very chipper, sprightly tone) 'I'd like to get a new lawnmower!'

It's very passive aggressive and deeply frustrating...

I'm fully prepared to get flamed for this BUT, I think u are all being massively unreasonable.

I actually find it massively rude and childish to a) think that anything u have to say is anywhere near more important than what the other party has to say or do and b) to deliberately try and trip them up or humiliate them.

When u start a conversation up with some1 who is on their phone, reading a book, watching the tv etc it is actually YOU that is interrupting them. Like a little child, you come in and expect every1 to stop what they are doing and focus on you, just because YOU have something to say? RUUUUDDDEEEE!!!!

I will wander into another room while having a conversation and say "carry on, I'm listening" because yes I AM listening and yes I CAN hear you. point proven by some1 saying "forget it u obviously aren't listening" being fully heard and comprehended from the other room. I am moving around doing other stuff while listening to you because you have chosen a really stupid time to start a conversation and will almost certainly turn round and say, "oh u need to hurry up, ur going to be late" or "are we going or what" if i do stop to have this 'oh so important (to you)' conversation.
I will also actually be listening to someone while having my face in my phone, I can read and type at the same time I am not simple or a child with focus problems. If u speak to me while I am on my phone (or even reading a book), then I am listening but u may not know that because if u are being sarcastic ie "when I have ur attention", then I WILL make out like im not listening and ignore u just to piss u off. If u are having a genuine question or say something that requires a response, then despite having my eyes elsewhere I will respond.

Also, it is incredibly rude and "I'm more important than u" to waste some1s time waffling on. Eg my dad comes shopping with me every week. I will ask "where do u need to go", he will respond everytime with "farm foods cos I need abcdefg, Iceland for hijklmnop..." at which point I will interrupt and say "right let's go then". Because as rude as interuppting might be to some people waffling is even more rude and actually shows that YOU were not listening in the first place because I didn't ask you to give me it shopping list, I asked WHERE u wanted to complete the shopping list.

Staring? also completely rude.

Oh and I am typing this as I'm having a full blown (2 way) conversation with dh about something that happened today and watching my dd trying and failing to play the sly ninja and sneak more felt tips into her bedroom.

The only thing I completely agree with is those who say "Why is this the first I'm hearing about it", or "you never told me", Yes I actually fucking did but as usual u just sat there looking at me (as if u were listening) but had obviously checked out!

I completely disagree. My DH needed to hear my thoughts on childcare and his new shift pattern before leaving for work to talk to his boss about it. He interrupted me so went off to work without hearing about the childcare options I had spoken to various childminders about so he has half of the picture due to his appalling manners.

You have my sympathy, OP. My ex used to interrupt me a lot. Also, finishing my sentences, but guess the punchline wrongly, so then the conversation would develop into a sort of second-guessing game, eg
me: I'm going to the...
ex : ...doctor
me: No, the....
ex: shops...

etc etc

I divorced him, and one major reason was the interrupting and finishing of sentences.

I meant to add, I'm sorry but I think it is a sign of contempt. His contempt for you.

stealth I meant he thinks it's my fault I couldn't hear from the other side of the house, like he expects me to have the hearing of a bat. Sorry the last post made no sense.

No I was doing my famous 'can't hear you' joke :)

I’m with you namechanger. Although I don’t do it usually, I am more than capable of multitasking as it is a fundamental parenting skill and I can easily carry on a conversation from another room. It is rude so I try not to do it but it doesn’t mean I am not listening. I could also easily listen while on the phone or doing something else (again, rude but doesn’t mean they haven’t heard you).

If young children are around then it is perfectly normal to have simultaneous conversations. I don’t think I would ever have had a conversation with many of my friends with young children if I didn’t allow them to talk to their children at the same time. You can’t just ignore young children or they cause chaos while you do. Conversation starts, gets interrupted, then carries on. No big deal.

I would be more than capable of discussing childcare while chatting to a two year old (keeping them engaged, knowing what they were doing, rather than a constant stress of what are they trying to do now). However, if the conversation was that important it would surely be better when the children are not around rather than then blaming the other person for actually talking to their own children.

tothappy see for my DH in your example there, the fact you mentioned needing to use the car more now the weather is better will mean that for him 2 points have been mentioned. He would think the car being moved is easy so annoyingly won't prioritise responding to that but would start thinking about the Warmer weather, grass needing cutting, so new lawnmower needed, must go bnq at weekend, ooh whilst in bnq could look at the price of paint as the bathroom needs freshening up etc etc. Mostly he verbalises all of this whilst I am looking at him like
Then once he has finished debating with himself about whether we should paint the bathroom green or blue I will ask again about the car.

It is very tiring.

Ex h used to expect me to talk to him while he stared at the telly / phone.

I have no complaints about DH interrupting, but I do hate that sometimes he gets impatient when I am talking and will make little gestures to hurry me up to the conclusion of what I am saying. I do know that I can sometimes be quite deliberate and slow in my speech as I like to choose my words carefully, so sometimes he has a point. However, what he seems completely oblivious to is that he is horrendous himself at reaching the point of what he is saying.

If you ask him whether he got the bus or train into town he will launch into a story that is stuffed with every extraneous detail that he can remember, such as that he was walking to the train station and he got a call from a guy he went to school with who never normally speaks to him on the phone and he was just like that at school and got into real trouble one time by being rude to a teacher who was known for completely blowing his cool if someone was rude but this friend was so charming that he made the teacher laugh and he got away without getting a detention which was a real shame as DH was looking forward to supervising his mate in detention but anyway this guy is moving back near to us as he got a new job and has split up with his girlfriend which is a shame as she was lovely but she didn't want to move to the city as she has a horse so DH was so surprised to hear from his friend that he missed the train and took the bus instead.

I genuinely thought it was just my DH who 'waffled' like that! He's also a bit of a 'faffer' too. I wonder if there's a link?

op on a practical level as DH and I don't communicate the same way, for anything really important (or involving the DC) we tend to text / email each other - that way we can look at the info and digest it the way we need to.
In all honesty as I've already admitted to interrupting him I have recognised a few years ago that I tend to do this when what I feel he is telling me is trivial or irrelevant (hence consciously making time time to discuss his day etc when I'm not distracted) if I was you I would look for a pattern. Does he start talking to the cat / dc etc when you are trying to discuss what he thinks of as 'wife work' or is it at a certain time of day / all the time?