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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get angry with DH for interrupting me

98 replies

interuptus · 01/05/2018 09:05

When Im talking.
This morning was an example, we were going through new work pattern child care options before he went to work.
As I'm replying to him with my thoughts he starts saying to our 2 year old; "Are you going to the farm park today? That will be fun won't it"

I stop talking and he gets annoyed and says "keep going I am listening"

This happens ALL the fucking time. I shouted "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING IF YOURE TALKING!"

This happens several times a day and it pisses me off. It was worse when we had a cat because he'd suddenly start talking to the cat.

Im not talking to someone who is simultaneously talking.

He left for work saying "I would really like to hear your thoughts on this though" and I said well you'll have to listen then won't you.

ARGGGH SO ANNOYING!!!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 01/05/2018 11:02

Sorry, what ginky?
:o

Mxyzptlk · 01/05/2018 11:03

he keeps saying my name for attention
Seriously, glitters? Are you married to a toddler?

lottiegarbanzo · 01/05/2018 11:05

It really pisses me off when the 'court holder' does it to children. Constantly talking over and asking questions rather than listening. They'd discover the answer to their question far faster by listening, inferring and responding appropriately to the child but they don't have the skills or patience. Thus they never really learn what the child is up to or interested in, so carry on with their blunt, ill-informed questioning, generally bringing the child's conversation to a bemused halt.

Trinity66 · 01/05/2018 11:09

I hate interrupters and mostly talker overers Angry

YANBU

Cindbelly · 01/05/2018 11:09

I think I sometimes do this to DH Blush

I am capable of doing 2 things at once, and I never purposely talk over him, but he seems to be all over the place with his train of thought or responses and I find it hard to keep up with what he's going on about.
Example - Monday:
Me: the car was making a clunking noise today, can you try to book it into the mechanic on Wednesday?
DH: sure no problem
Tuesday:
After work befor DC are back from school.
Me: how was your day?
DH: yeah nothing special.
Later on Tuesday evening when dc are about and trying to talk/play/kill each other and I'm getting dinner on and trying to find uniform to wash and sort out the rest of the week etc
Me: whilst I'm updating the calendar, what time am I taking the car to the mechanic tomorrow?
DH: so today, bobs tractor ran out of fuel and I had to go and rescue him then when I got back their was a fire alarm and we got sent out the building and Jenny from the office shut her finger in the door and had to go a and e so I had to call her main account and I think I've made some commission but I'm not sure who it goes to.. blah blah blah
Me: Jane stop eating your brothers shoe, Lola put down Henry's Lego.
DH: you're not even listening to me are you?
Me: well I asked you a simple question and you haven't answered it.
DH: well obviously with all that going on I didn't get a chance to ring the garage did I?

I can see op that's not quite the same as what is happening in your scenario, but his was of explaining things drives me NUTS and it does lead to my mind wandering and talking over him.

He needs the whole picture, I need the bare facts.

timeisnotaline · 01/05/2018 11:14

Mine will walk out of the room. I just stop talking.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/05/2018 11:14

Though... I must admit I can't help interrupting sometimes when there is a simple yes / no / I don't know / look over there answer and no need for five minutes of exposition to reach it. So 'can we get a goat? Because...' 'No' 'But you interrupted me!' 'We can't get a goat and nothing you could say will change that, would you like to know why?'. At least it's on topic.

acornsandnuts · 01/05/2018 11:15

My DH does this. He often tells me it’s how people converse and I’m precious to think I should be able to finish what I’m saying without constant random interruption or phone reading. I’m pleased I found this thread, things will change.

leggere · 01/05/2018 11:22

Try this strategy: As he interrupts, starts to wander off etc, just say "about our sex life, I was thinking we could................" You get immediate full attention! Works every time, even though he now knows it's just a ploy.Grin If kids are around just change it to "private time"

lottiegarbanzo · 01/05/2018 11:29

It is how people converse. That's why conversations are never linear.

But, most of these examples are of 'business meeting' topics, not conversation topics. Things on which you need a decision, or an answer.

MistressDeeCee · 01/05/2018 11:40

Im not talking to someone who is simultaneously talking

^^This.

If it's not a 2 way conversation I disengage completely. If you don't want or need to hear what I'm saying then I don't need the conversation

I said similar to my (thankfully) ExH you'd have thought I'd threatened to murder him, he was so very indignant. I left the room mid-lecture about it.

Pebblespony · 01/05/2018 11:41

Seriously considering getting a goat now btw.

Cindbelly · 01/05/2018 11:49

*It is how people converse. That's why conversations are never linear.

But, most of these examples are of 'business meeting' topics, not conversation topics. Things on which you need a decision, or an answer.*

I agree with lottie on this.

In my mind there is a big Difference between someone who interrupts you because what they have to say is more important (or what you are saying is trivial to them) and someone who interrupts because they are genuinely trying to connect their own experience with what they are hearing from you.

In the example I gave I was annoyed because we had time aside to talk about his day which he didn't use, then when I asked a simple question I got a long winded run through of what he'd been up to.
Had I ignored the DC and interrupted him half way through with something like 'oh is that the same bob that I met at Janet and Roy's wedding? - he was lovely and I really liked his date that night should we invite them for dinner?' Then DH would have quite happily chatted about when we should do that and how bob is allergic to seafood like his uncle Nigel who nearly died on holiday eating a prawn because his insurance had run out and he didn't realise so that reminds him he must check when our runs out etc etc etc. Eventually he would still have told me the whole story of his day and answered my original question.

He's not trying to be rude, and neither am I.

Trinity66 · 01/05/2018 11:56

*In the example I gave I was annoyed because we had time aside to talk about his day which he didn't use, then when I asked a simple question I got a long winded run through of what he'd been up to.
Had I ignored the DC and interrupted him half way through with something like 'oh is that the same bob that I met at Janet and Roy's wedding? - he was lovely and I really liked his date that night should we invite them for dinner?' Then DH would have quite happily chatted about when we should do that and how bob is allergic to seafood like his uncle Nigel who nearly died on holiday eating a prawn because his insurance had run out and he didn't realise so that reminds him he must check when our runs out etc etc etc. Eventually he would still have told me the whole story of his day and answered my original question.

He's not trying to be rude, and neither am I.*

That's a conversation though. What annoys me and my DSS does it all the time is, say my son might ask me a question and I'll start to answer him and then DSS will just start talking over me trying to answer him as well, it's so annoying

Queenofthestress · 01/05/2018 12:00

We are the time of family where I will tell dp to shut the hell up until I've finished talking

Cindbelly · 01/05/2018 12:20

That's a conversation though. What annoys me and my DSS does it all the time is, say my son might ask me a question and I'll start to answer him and then DSS will just start talking over me trying to answer him as well, it's so annoying

How old are the DC? My DS is 10 and has form for doing this. He suffers with anxiety and has cbt the therapist covered this with a few options:

  1. Excitingly overtaking 'please wait your turn, I am talking now and then you can speak after'
  1. Trust. Does he trust you to give DS the right info? Could he think you might get it wrong and he's trying to help? I was suggested to use phrases like 'well when this happened to me I...' or 'I would like us to do something fun together so I have decided...' basically showing intent at the start. And then the 'please wait your turn' if he interrupts again.
  1. Power play. If it's a power play a simple 'I am the adult here please wait your turn...'

And then offer him a chance to input after you have finished.

Basically I was advised to look at the root cause of why he was doing it and adjust my response to address it before he could interrupt iyswim?

I do think it's different with DC as they are still learning these social skills

Trinity66 · 01/05/2018 12:22

He's an adult, almost 20 Grin and he does it to everyone not just me

doughnutbits · 01/05/2018 12:29

DW's been doing that for years. Saves me having to finish sentences. I just go with the flow.

Cindbelly · 01/05/2018 12:29

Grin Blush oops! Teach me for making assumptions!

lottiegarbanzo · 01/05/2018 12:31

Trinity66 Can you ask your DS or whoever, 'who are you asking?', which makes the point, then only that person need answer. The other one can always add a point afterwards.

I think 'I know something on that topic so I'm going to say it, whether it's wanted, particularly relevant or not' syndrome is VERY common.

Trinity66 · 01/05/2018 12:31

oops! Teach me for making assumptions!

No worries :p

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 01/05/2018 12:33

My DP does this. All. The. Time. I will be talking and he'll try and interject and then say I'm talking over him! No, I'm still fucking talking using the same breath!

Trinity66 · 01/05/2018 12:34

Trinity66 Can you ask your DS or whoever, 'who are you asking?', which makes the point, then only that person need answer. The other one can always add a point afterwards.

I think 'I know something on that topic so I'm going to say it, whether it's wanted, particularly relevant or not' syndrome is VERY common.

The last time he did it I said "will you please stop talking over me" and he's not done it since, to me anyway. And it's every bloody subject whether he knows stuff about it or not gggrrrr But anyway it's not a major issue, just always has been a pet peeve of mine, people talking over you

TaighNamGastaOrt · 01/05/2018 12:38

@TheMaddHugger

The Gibbs head slap is a popular tool in our home!! Always makes us chuckle!!

If DH says something and then talks over my answer, I just keep talking quietly. When he says what? I say quietly 'What I just said. If you had listened instead of talking you'd have heard.'

Jamiefraserskilt · 01/05/2018 12:44

Mine too. Will decide if he is interested in the discussion I am Having with the third party then asks them an unassociated question whilst I am speaking cos he's bored with that. Drives me nuts.

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