Aibu to wish that mothers would stop judging each other?

[Ilovecsleep]

I’ve just read yet another judgy thread on here about children and sleep. It seems to be a war where attachment parenrs are branded as ‘lunitics’ and people thabt more a more parent led schedule as ‘neglectful’.

What on Earth has happened to the sisterhood? Why on Earth is it deemed ok to judge and criticise another woman’s approach to bringing up, growing or birthing her child? It needs to stop as we are getting very polarised here.

I am fed up with reading negitive comments on breast v bottle, natural birth v one with pain relief or even a section, or any other topic. If you want to talk about your experiences and give advice do so in a way that sets out why you made the choice you did without judging or making other women feel inadequate.

As women we need to stick together not our different approaches to life tear us apart. How can we demand equality when we don’t see each other as equal?

It’s ok for women to disagree with other women.

I’m a routine parent. I had mine sleeping through early as I value my own rest and I think sleep is important for development. I did what I called “Gina Ford Lite”

I never judged the more attachment style parenting, I just said, it wasn’t for me. I found it was the complete opposite from this style of parents. They really used to go at me.

Oh god this again. This is Am I Being Unreasonable, not Agree With Me Because We All Have Vaginas. It would be utterly bizarre to always totally agree with other women because of ‘the sisterhood’ (whatever the fuck that is).

Whenever anyone mentions 'the sisterhood' it makes me want to vom.

It's always based on having to agree with other women, defend shitty behaviour and just happening to have periods etc.

1. There is no sisterhood.
2. Do you mean that it's not OK for women to judge simply because of their gender but you don't mind men judging?

What on Earth has happened to the sisterhood

I have never seen evidence that it existed.

Yes, it would be nice if humans agreed with each other all the time. Or at least "agreed to disagree" but that's never happened in the history of (wo)mankind and likely never will.

I think it's normal and natural to disagree/disapprove of some parenting methods. Nevertheless there are and always will be people who judge and not in a nice way. And you'll find it's not just parenting they will judge on. It's if they don't have a mortgage, if they aren't career focused, if they have children but use childcare so they can work (even though them themselves had GPs to help out all the time), what clothing they wear, how they talk. It goes on.

I say this because I know someone who fits that desciption and it is a horrid.

She once said "I can't believe X didn't breastfeed longer than 1 month" followed by a long rant. And I responded with "well you combined fed from an early age, I'm sure plenty could judge you on that. Although neither are fair or nice". She felt guilty after that. For about an hour!

I don't understand, we should agree with everything a woman says or does because she is....a woman? It doesn't make sense, or am i missing something.

I think all the OP is saying, is that it's fine to disagree but that doesn't have to come with judgement.

Quite frankly I don't see why people are so over invested in how others raise their own children. Most of it is just a form of virtue signaling. The vast majority of parents are just trying to do what's right for their children and their family. No judgement required.

I got as far as ' sisterhood' with this I'm afraid!

Oh! See I'm not alone!

This is Am I Being Unreasonable, not Agree With Me Because We All Have Vaginas.

^ This. With bells on.

@ilovecsleep I totally know what you mean about no sister hood. Women criticise eachother for everything (-beyond parenthood. Look at how women talk about how each other dresses etc!). And people on mumsnet go straight for the jugular. Don't take it personally or as "real life" as people see mumsnet as a place to let off steam and say things they would never say in real life. I agree with others who said it is ok to disagree. But I do know what you mean... maybe a bit more building each other up instead of tearing eachother down...

One thing I will always disagree with though are these parents who leave their babies/children to cry until they vomit. They need to know how vile their behaviour actually is ✋️

sisterhood is an invention by the patriarchy to keep women in their place.

In other news, i have a sister, she is a horrible person.

There was a lovely thread on here a few months ago about 'what are you good at' where posters could proudly state what they're good at without reproach. It was fucking great.

I don't think all women should agree with each other, but I do think it's mean spirited to be horrible to someone because they parent differently to you.

To be fair, Agree With Me Because We All Have Vaginas would be a good read.

I also think part of the problem is that the attitude "that's just not for me" is perceived as a judgement rather than statement of individual preference. I got slated on here by a couple of posters simply bc I said I wouldn't accept the offer of a Home Start placement as they had. Apparently I was smug and up myself

@LoopOnTheRollercoaster I am not saying that we have to agree with each other. I’m saying we should respect each other’s choices when it comes to personal choices about how we raise our children. These are not political issues but Personal ones. After all how one woman feeds her kid has NO impact on your life. So why judge her?

I don't require women to support each other by virtue of being women. That's silly. I do find that some people are almost unbelievably judgemental about other people and their parenting, and quite often based on cod science. It's sad, really.

I can’t disagree there’s often lines crossed in terms of judgment on here. I read a thread the other day where a poster asked if they should return some squash that had made their child ill. Someone responded ‘why don’t you give your child proper juice??’. Just no need.

Sisterhood is still bollocks though.

@ShatnersWig

Obviously, I don’t think it’s ok for men to judge. However, as far as I can see there isn’t a ‘dadsnet’ where dads attack each other’s parenting choices. No one has to agree with anyone but we can disagree without judgement. We can disagree without making the other woman feel like an inadequate parent or implying she is.

I don't believe in this "sisterhood" nonsense. If I don't agree with something I'll say.

However I do have a problem with people who tell others what to do. You can disagree with someone but if whatever they're doing works for them it's their business.

Why not just say respect other peoples choices then OP? Why lament the lack of 'sisterhood'?. It's never suggested that men are letting other men down by criticising them.

Why do you think that is?

@LoopOnTheRollercoaster
do mean respect each other’s options.

I lament the sisterhood because despite apparent gender equality in th U.K. the gender pay gap still lies at 18.4%. Because I have a vagina, I can reasonably expect to be paid less to do the same job as a man with the qualifications. Around the world women are being denied basic rights to education, votes, driving and reproductive health. We have come great strides in the last 100 years but there is still a long way to go. The biggest movements that changed things for women in this country - the suffragettes and women’s lib in the60s/70s - came about by women coming TOGETHER across social and political divides for a bigger cause. Where would we have gotten if all the suffragettes had been to busy arguing with Each other about breast v formula? or the well off suffragettes criticising the ones that had to work for living or vice versa?

What I’m saying is that women have to face issues that simply do not happen to men. Attacking each other creates divisions that turn us against each other. These issues should not divide us as woman. We have enough sh@t to deal with without being harshly judged by each other. This is not about agreeing on everything it’s about respect.

It's still a load of rubbish op

Just raise your kid

Job done

What on Earth has happened to the sisterhood?

It never existed. People judge other people all the time. Are you exempt because you and I both pushed a human out of our vaginas within a decade or so of each other?