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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give them free rein

33 replies

westworld8776 · 01/05/2018 07:07

So I’m going back to work and sister 1 was going to do childcare for me one day a week. She’s sensible and I said I was happy to cover any expenses associated with taking my DS out e.g food if out for the day and anything she fancied to eat in the kitchen etc.

Sister 2 who has now said she would like to help but her DP is always with her.

Now it’s awkward as I feel like I shouldn’t have to let 3 people come and eat all my food and cover expenses when I only need one person.

On top of this sister 2 boundaries are a bit off, she’ll quite happily decide she needs something and look through my bathroom/bedroom drawers in search for it.

I feel like sister 2 would take advantage and and eat all the goodies. Although I’ve said I’ll give them free rein, I think there are unspoken boundaries.

Am I being really petty? They are saving my £200 a month in nursery fees, but I only need one person and quite honestly am not comfortable with sister 2 and her DP being in my house all day - I don’t think they’d respect our privacy.

OP posts:

AnneProtheroe · 01/05/2018 07:11

Say "thank you, but I'm sorted now, really appreciate the offer to help" to sister 2.

elderflowerandrose · 01/05/2018 07:18

I would thank her but say your childcare is organised now. No need to take up her time as well.
She is probably trying to be helpful

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 07:18

Sister 2 wants to come every week with her DP to sit around your house all day? Really?

BlueThesaurusRex · 01/05/2018 07:19

Can you explain to sis2 that the reason sis1 is looking after them is because it’s cheaper to cover her expenses than sending LO to nursery. If you then have to pay for sis2 and her DP it would seriously reduce that benefit.

Original poster

westworld8776 · 01/05/2018 07:20

Sister 2 wants to help sister 1 with looking after my one year old all day. I can’t say to her, sorry but sister 1 is doing it. They live together and would look like I’m favouring sister 1.

OP posts:

AntipodeanOpalEye · 01/05/2018 07:23

You do not need 3 people to look after one child, and you certainly do not need to be feeding three people just because DS2 and her BF are bored.

Original poster

westworld8776 · 01/05/2018 07:23

Childcare was organised with sister 1 but since sister 2 has arrived home from long term travelling and would like to help. Then they decided together, it would be easier for them to both do the day together as DS needs constant watching. This is fine, but I’m letting them in my house all day and sister 2 would cross unspoken boundaries I think.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 07:23

Definitely awkward. What does Sister 1 want?

MyotherUsernameisaPun · 01/05/2018 07:24

Can you just be straightforward and say 'it's totally fine for you to come and spend time with the baby but I can't cover your expenses as well - as long as you don't mind that you're welcome'?

MyotherUsernameisaPun · 01/05/2018 07:24

Would sister 1 stop sister 2 from any inappropriate rummaging etc?

coconutpie · 01/05/2018 07:25

3 adults looking after a baby? What is this - a movie remake?! Have you asked sister 1 if she wants sister 2 hanging around all day? She probably wouldn't want that anyway. Tell sister 2 that arrangements have already been made and you don't need 3 adults babysitting.

drivingmisspotty · 01/05/2018 07:25

If you don’t feel you can avoid sis 2 being there, maybe you could speak the unspoken boundaries instead? So don’t quite give them free reign but eg leave a basket of food they can help themselves to and explicitly ask them not to go in your bedroom?

coconutpie · 01/05/2018 07:26

For £50 a week, i would avoid this issue altogether and put DC in nursery instead. Not worth the hassle.

AntipodeanOpalEye · 01/05/2018 07:30

If all three of them are there you would have to expect all three to be eating and drinking from your kitchen. Is DS2 the type that would leave DS1 looking after your DC while she and the Joined at the hip BF nip into the bedroom for some alone time? Also I can't imagine many men waning to be babysitting unless it's sat watching TV/internet/Xbox with a plate of food and beer probably.

Shedmicehugh1 · 01/05/2018 07:33

Sister 2 and her DP live with sister 1?

Now all 3 want to come to your house to look after a 1 year old! Do they realise it’s not a day out!

Couldn’t sister 1 take them to visit sister 2 and DP? Or arrange a day out with them (sister 2 and DP should pay for themselves!)

Original poster

westworld8776 · 01/05/2018 07:34

Do you think I just need to have a private word with sister 2 and say don’t use any of my stuff without texting me at work - then I’ll let her know where it is. It’s more that she’ll come round with her DP and let him eat my food! He is really good with my DS but why should I feed him too?! Awkward.

Yesterday she came round at about midday and was hinting for me to make her and her DP lunch.

OP posts:

Original poster

westworld8776 · 01/05/2018 07:36

All three are living in my DF house while he’s living away.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 07:38

Try to stop thinking about the food. This isn't really about that (it's a few quid and you would still be making a big saving). This isn't the arrangement you want. Can't you get Sister 1 onside?

MrsExpo · 01/05/2018 07:39

Is sister 2 not planning on looking for work and alternative living arrangements now she’s back from her “long term travelling”? Suggest to her that she needs to be spending her time doing that rather than lounging around at yours with bf.

NorthernKnickers · 01/05/2018 07:41

Just say no! You don't need to explain yourself, but if you want to, tell the truth: you don't need or want three people looking after your child, and on top, can't afford for them to be pilfering your food supplies! That's just crazy...and they absolutely will not be cooing over your baby all day will they? They sound young, so will be bored by 9.30 and out will come video games, Netflix etc...your baby will be an inconvenience to their day of free food and entertainment! Hell no to that!

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 01/05/2018 07:42

It is a bit of a tough one. Could you have cheap food in one cupboard that they can help themselves and contribute to? And avoid buying expensive toilettries/ ask hat S2 doesn’t help herself?

ineedaholidaynow · 01/05/2018 07:43

Don't either of your sisters work?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/05/2018 07:44

Can you get a lock fitted to your bedroom? Anything she can't access could be locked in there. Obviously you should have to in your own house but it may stop any bad feeling.

isthistoonosy · 01/05/2018 07:54

Can you say you want a stable arrangement so baby isn't confused. Sis 1 should be on her own from day 1 so the baby knows that she is in charge and the adult of the house when you are away.
Assuming sis 2 and her dp will need to get a job soon and can't commit to this long term anyway. Suggest it would be great if they want to take him out now and then so you can sleep/tidy/batch cook etc

Original poster

westworld8776 · 01/05/2018 08:00

They are early to mid 20’s and both will be getting the day off work I believe. Sister 2 DP is unemployed atm and are joined at the hip and both have no second thoughts about using other people’s generosity if it allows them to save more money to travel again.

I think I will do what some of you have said and explain that I only really wanted one person due to the savings etc. And otherwise I may as well send DS to nursery.

Other than that, I’ll see how it goes but I’m in not comfortable with it and I find they’ve been sneaking around, I’ll put him in nursery.

OP posts:

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