He won't allow another

[Motherwell91]

We have two beautiful healthy children. But I feel like I want one more to be complete. My dh is adamant he wants us to start focusing on the next chapter of having older children. No nappies,nightfeeds etc. But I literally feel pained that I might not have another. Aibu or is he. Has anyone else had this situation. I love him and he is a great dad and I'll relationship is fine apart from this one thing we can't agree on.

That sounds very sensible, OP.

So have I been mislead by Facebook friends that everyone else isn't in total bliss when they have a baby? I always felt maybe I was doing it wrong as I was so tiered emotional etc?

Yes, yes you have been misled! I look upon that first year with a newborn/tiny baby as akin to being slightly mad for a year. I was constantly exhausted, my body was wrecked by the pregnancy with no time to recover, my DS was a cheerful, happy baby who DID NOT SLEEP, honestly, it was like a period of madness. I remember it as a constant, exhausted fog. I know from friends that this is not at all unusual.

Yeah i think everyone has challenges to face in the newborn stage, whether it be difficulties feeding, illness, colicky endless crying baby, post natal depression or anxiety, etc etc. We certainly didn't experience a cuddly haze and I found the first few months so difficult. If we have a second I also hope things will be easier but I know I'm kidding myself a bit and it's going to come with its challenges again!

I was absurdly broody until DC 2 reached 2. Then suddenly something changed and I was so fucking relieved not to go through it again.

YABU to think of doing more than replacing yourself on this planet. Imagine how over-populated the world would be if every couple had 3 kids. Before long all the continental land masses would sink into the sea!

I have two children and would absolutely love a third. My husband has said no though so there’s not much I can do

Agree with PPs you have been misled! Although having babies is wonderful in so many ways, it is also always exhausting/sleepless/ mind-numbingly shattering and all sorts in between, as well as scary and a huge responsibility! The first baby is probably the hardest as you don't know what to expect - but the logistics of two or more present their own problems - and all that is while you are trying to juggle work, children, family, housework and so on - and if you're really lucky, the occasional 'date night' or 'me time'. People only put the good bits on facebook - but even if they are lucky enough not to have PND or any other issues, I'm sure very few would say it was easy if they were being honest. I know I was pathetic and tearful for a few days and had no idea why, until someone said it was hormones. Then I was just a zombie for a bit as babies don't let you sleep much. That said, I loved my little babies and never wanted them to get bigger - but someone said that every stage is even better - and it has proved true so far! Now they are older I really wouldn't want a baby or toddler again, we've moved on. But really - don't be fooled by social media!!!

I have 2 boys aged 8 and 5. We always said we wanted 2 kids but i went through a massive broody stage when youngest was 2. If DH had of agreed i definately would of went for it. I am so glad we didnt. Our life is finally getting to an easier stage, can go places without worrying about naptime, bottles etc. I mind my baby niece 2 days a week and as much as i love her i couldnt go back to that stage

Really good to here that this broody stage can pass.defibtly going to start taking Facebook posts with a bit of salt.

@Motherwell91

Why the desperate need for a 3rd child?

Why are you not happy with the 2 you have got?

Op, same boat. I want a third, oh not keen at all. My two boys are a handful and he finds it stressful. I have asked to sit down and discuss properly after our wedding in October.

I do already know what the answer is. But what gets me is that he let me keep all the baby stuff like Moses basket, cot, swing ect.

Your dd is only 1 maybe have a talk in a year or 2? Your still young

Hi op we have 6 so clearly very irresponsible according to some here. youngest now 18.

We both wanted a big family and could just about afford them. However they baby years are pretty cheap and they get a lot more expensive as they get older, clothes, holidays, food, higher house, higher car etc. So do think of the practicalities.

I think you are being very sensible to wait a whole, you are young so park your broody feelings and enjoy the 2 you have for now.

You may both change your minds

Bigger not higher!!

"My two boys are a handful and he finds it stressful"

I think that this ^^ is the main reason that most men veto another child.

Feeling broody is very natural and it’s a good idea to take a break and reconsider. I was in a similar situation and desperately wanted another baby following miscarriages, DH was worried about it (partly health concerns). I thought that I could never feel the same way about him and would always be angry he had changed his mind. It could have ruined our relationship and my pleasure in our lovely DCs, but I suddenly realised I was wasting my time with the regrets and sorrow. A close friend lost a child and it just shocked me into realising what I had. Annoyingly now it’s too late DH wishes we had gone ahead and I do feel a tiny bit sad at times that I don’t have a larger family like my siblings, but I’m just loving the joys of older DCs as well, and our relationship is closer than ever because of how we talked it through.

We have 3.

DW would love another, as she thinks our family would be more balanced, as right now it always seems as though one of the younger 2 is left out by the others.

The real reason though is that she loved being pregnant, and loved having someone totally dependent on her. Youngest is now at juniors, and at every milestone (school, then beavers/rainbows, then juniors, then cubs/brownies, and i'm sure again when they go up to secondary school), she really struggles with the thought she'll never have that again.

I love our unit, but it is a struggle. as PPs have mentioned, it's logistically more difficult going away etc. financially it's massive - especially once they're all school age (though this is partly our choice, as we always encourage all 3 to do a lot outside school).

for me though, the biggest reason for not going for another was due to DW's PND. it got worse/lasted longer after each previous birth. her (and me) going through that and potentially worse again, terrifies me.

I had PND so I completely get wanting the go over OP. I felt terribly guilty on my ds as things weren't great. No happy instant bond with earth mum me. More anxiety depression intrusive thoughts and a shit load of guilt. I get envious of friends with good pregnancies (mine was shit and traumatic in labour) and who seem to easy slip into motherhood. Which is why I was desperate for another.

Truth is though most of what we see and hear is projection. We are so afraid of seeming like crap mum's that sometimes we may fake it or pretend. Especially on social media. My friend used to post loads about her awesome SO and how great they were together...it was fake, trying to convince herself.

Now thats not everyone obviously but very few stand up and admit pregnancy or early years was shit for fear of being seen as a bad mum or ungrateful. It took months to realise that I could say that really my pregnancy was crap for the most part and filled with anxiety, because it seemed ungrateful. Because it had taken so long to get pregnant and that this pregnancy had taken properly and I had friends whose hadn't

I’m with your DH. 3 is just impractical imo!

Not a criticism of anyone who has more, but it just seems so much more straightforward with 2.

Things like cars and car seats
Theme parks where 5 doesn’t quite fit
Holiday hotel rooms
Kitchen tables - you’ll need an 8 seater with 5 to allow for guests, can get by with a 6 with just 4 of you
Free time - things like kids parties / school events. 3 events at the same time and you need help or one of the kids misses out.

All a bit cold and practical, but makes sense in my head