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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to have plastic surgery?

39 replies

se7enthings · 30/04/2018 03:14

I know I shouldn’t, because I’m healthy and there are people with horrific medical conditions and this is a first world problem

I cannot stand my body shape, I’m like a brick, no bum no boobs no waist, in the age of social media I feel so shocking about myself, like I’m not womanly at all, I want to invest in a BBL but my OH wouldn’t appreciate me spending our mortgage deposit on something like that. I just want to know how to love me. Because for a long time I’ve hated myself.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 30/04/2018 03:25

You’re not unreasonable. How old are you? And what’s your body like now? Height and weight roughly?

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 30/04/2018 03:29

Have you tried every other option eg going to the gym etc?

I don't have a problem with plastic surgery, but I do see it as kind of a last resort.

If you can't afford it (spending the deposit for a mortgage) then I don't think it's the best option.

Original poster
se7enthings · 30/04/2018 03:33

I’m 5’6 63kg and my measurements are 32-28-34

I’ve tried squatting etc but it hasn’t worked I’ve just got muscly legs and it’s not making me feel any more feminine, I’m 24 and I’m constantly tearing myself to shreds

OP posts:
ThisIsTheFirstStep · 30/04/2018 03:40

It sounds like you're really hung up on being 'feminine', but what does that mean to you? Having a big arse, small arse, no arse...all of those are attributes of different women, so all of them are 'feminine' in my opinion.

Get off of social media, that will probably help a lot for a start.

It's easy to hate yourself. But if you get one surgery because you hate yourself, it probably won't be enough. It's probably better to work on your self esteem.

Dunno. I'm 38 now. I can't even imagine hating myself but I know I did when I was younger. Appearance and stuff got less important to me when I prioritised other stuff.

Movablefeast · 30/04/2018 03:45

My DH is a doctor and told me medical studies show women are MORE likely to be depressed after breast enlargement. He felt is was due to surgery often being a reflection of low self-esteem. Have you tried investing in a counselor to get to the bottom of your self-loathing? Your measurements seem very normal and petite.

NameChangeBiatch · 30/04/2018 03:46

Op I get you but I really wouldn't buy in to the current zeitgeist of massive arses, boobs, lips etc. Your stats sound lovely and healthy and your waist to hip ratio sounds really attractive too.

Agree with a pp, I know it's difficult but don't fixate on social media, so much of it is fake as well. Edited and filtered to F.

Original poster
se7enthings · 30/04/2018 03:59

You’re all so kind. I do need to delete social media

OP posts:
ThisIsTheFirstStep · 30/04/2018 04:16

I think it helps to look at different cultures and different expectations too and how they are almost all ridiculously unattainable.

In the UK, I’m a totally average-looking woman, never had any special attention or anything. But I live in Korea and here people think I’m stunning just because I have a small head and white skin. That’s what is prized here, but no one really cares about that in the west - if anything we don’t even notice head size and we want darker skin.

What I’m trying to say is that beauty is totally subjective. These days, the west has an obsession with this massive arse/boobs/lips/loads of make up kind of look. In the 90s, it was about being skinny and wearing natural make up. Stuff changes.

All these social media accounts basically thrive on making you feel bad so they can sell more stuff and get more followers. The more unattainable their look is, the more people will try to emulate it, fail, hate themselves and buy ever more products in a bid to try to achieve a look that is basically unattainable.

Keep yourself healthy and occupied. Don’t look at social media. I find some stuff really makes me feel better - I have loads of plants in my house and it makes me feel good that I keep them alive. They’re alive because of me and they don’t care if I have a lumpy arse or bad skin or whatever.

If you still feel shit about yourself in a year, go to a therapist.

It’s terrible to go through life hating yourself.

Ski40 · 30/04/2018 04:49

Please please don't put your body through surgery just because it doesn't match what you see in social media. There is nothing wrong with your body! If you look at lots of those girls in Instagram, half of their look is Photoshop and filters, on top of expensive an invasive surgery- that could potentially go wrong.
There are tons of things you could try for a more femenine figure, like padded push up bras, corsets, those new funny jeans with these seams engineered to give you a high round butt etc.
Pilates would help you stretch your body.
Yoga or dance could help you give a femenine grace to your movements.
Floaty fabrics with pretty details would further help.
I believe in fixing serious deformities- but your body sounds fine. Why risk your health trying to conform to somebody else's standard of beauty?
Women nowadays look stupid with those over inflated fake bums etc. Fashions change fast too.

And yes, maybe limit social media if it is affecting you this bad.
You are perfect as you are. 💖

Original poster
se7enthings · 30/04/2018 13:44

I want to love me so hopefully i will soon

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 30/04/2018 13:49

I was going to come on and say yanbu. But having read your post I don't think you should do this. Your 24 and you are en route for saving for a deposit for a house.

Work on your body in the gym. Don't expect over-night results. From your measurements you don't actually sound all that far removed from normal.

We all have hang-ups but this sounds like it would be intense surgery and cost a fortune.

Grapefruitpapaya · 30/04/2018 13:54

What's a bbl

Original poster
se7enthings · 30/04/2018 14:57

Brazilian butt lift x

OP posts:
Fatbergs · 30/04/2018 15:03

Op, seriously!

Just step away from the narcissists

You are fine
Healthy
Fit well
Just dress more feminine

Cath2907 · 30/04/2018 15:18

I want to say it doesn't matter how you look, what matters is you as a person. I want to say this because it is what I genuinely believe. BUT I do realise that wouldn't help much in this situation.

I recommend counselling to get to the bottom of your self-confidence / body image issues. I'd also recommend some personal shopping assistance. The right clothes can do SO much to make a person look a certain way and sometimes it is hard to know what would best suit and flatter yourself. The right style, fabric and color may mean that what you see in the mirror is far more to your taste.

HairyToity · 30/04/2018 15:23

I think you are being silly. Treat yourself to an exercise class a week, some new makeup, and some new clothes.

I have a friend who's 9 year old daughter died last year from Aml leukemia. Don't waste your life worrying about your body shape and having unnecessary surgery.

Kokeshi123 · 30/04/2018 15:25

You sound OK to me, but you could try some figure-shaping underwear to enhance what you have?

Do you have children and are you planning to have them (or have more)? I would be wary of waist-nipping surgeries, boob jobs etc. until I was sure I was not going to have any more children.

Original poster
se7enthings · 30/04/2018 15:26

@HairyToity im so so sorry to hear about your friends daughter, it makes me feel so guilty

i don’t have babies no x

OP posts:
LifeBeginsAtGin · 30/04/2018 15:28

I’m healthy and there are people with horrific medical conditions and this is a first world problem

This.

Get off social media too.

No one is perfect. Buy a home and enjoy that instead.

Aylarose · 30/04/2018 17:17

I would like to have your measurements OP!

You do have a slim shape with a slim waist at 28 inches; it really doesn't sound like you're built like a brick! You're only 9 and a half stone so must only be a small clothes size too.

Please try to enjoy being 24, slim and in a long-term relationship with your whole bright future ahead of you. If it would help then counselling might be a good idea as you might have Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

hiblueblue · 30/04/2018 17:20

I’ve tried squatting etc but it hasn’t worked I’ve just got muscly legs and it’s not making me feel any more feminine, I’m 24 and I’m constantly tearing myself to shreds

Squatting alone isn’t going to make a difference. Did you even use weights?

hiblueblue · 30/04/2018 17:22

@HairyToity im so so sorry to hear about your friends daughter, it makes me feel so guilty

Please don’t feel guilty over this. There is no blame on your part for that tragic event.

ferntwist · 30/04/2018 17:25

Your measurements sound perfect, I’m envious (heavily pregnant here). How about heels, padded bra and a few new gorgeous outfits for special occasions - or everyday? That would be a treat and way less expensive and invasive than surgery. Also a really good quality set of individual lashes. Get them done once a month and you’ll feel ultra feminine.

CaptainCabinets · 30/04/2018 22:07

I know the feeling OP! I’m the biggest I’ve ever been right now but I’m eating right and exercising right so I’ll do as much as I can on my own but I’m 1000% sure my tits will look fucking horrendous by the time I’m the size I’d like to be! So I’m planning on treating myself to an uplift (and maybe fat transfer if they’re like empty beanbags) as a ‘well done to me’ present Smile

CaptainCabinets · 30/04/2018 22:08

Also Hairy that’s truly awful, but it’s in no way related to a discussion about cosmetic surgery. It’s nothing to do with OP so please no guilt tripping.