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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not dropping friend

48 replies

Bamb1 · 29/04/2018 22:50

My brother has 2 children with a lovely girl lets call her Jane. Over time she has become my friend and she gets on well with the rest of the family too.

My Brother however decided he does not love Jane anymore. He left her and has now taken up a relationship with someone who was Janes friend. This woman also has another partner but has now dumped him for my Brother. I don't agree with all this but it's not my business and he can do what he wants with whoever.

My brother is now telling me that i am not to be friends with Jane. She is the mother of my neices and i therefore consider her family and we enjoy meeting with the children and having a cuppa. He says I should not be her friend as it puts strain on his new relationship as she feels I like Jane more. He's got the right hump about it. Am I wrong for keeping Jane as a friend? She has not done anything wrong! Should I dump the friendship because my brother doesn't like it?

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 29/04/2018 22:54

Your brother is a twat. There is no reason why you shouldn't maintain a relationship with Jane, just don't run tales between the two. Similarly you can be friends/civil to his new partner.

Returnofthesmileybar · 29/04/2018 22:55

She feels you like Jane more tell him you like the fact she is observant Wink otherwise tell him to do one and that Jane will remain your friend and they can like it or lump it

IsItThatTimeAlready131 · 29/04/2018 22:57

Up to you who you are friends with, your brother has no right to try to dictate to you who you see or are friends with.

I can understand it might cause problems for your DBro and his relationship, but they are their problems to sort out not yours.

YANBU to not drop your friend just because he says to.

Thequeenisdeadboys · 29/04/2018 22:58

Brother sounds like a controlling idiot. I'm with team Jane ! Smile

Lacucuracha · 29/04/2018 22:59

DB and OW sound like twats. I wouldn't sacrifice a friendship with Jane for them.
It's really lovely that yiu are still friends. Good friends are hard to come by.

Who knows how long DB and OW will be together for? They might split and you may not be able to rekindle friendship with Jane again.

Wolfiefan · 29/04/2018 23:00

Yep. He's a twat.
Keep the friendship. You like her and her and the kids could probably do with the support and feeling like one of the family about now.
I would set some boundaries though. To what extent are you happy to discuss him? Their relationship? Not at all? Only practical advice.

Stormwhale · 29/04/2018 23:00

Yanbu. Definitely keep the friendship. Your brother is an idiot.

Storm4star · 29/04/2018 23:05

Also team Jane here. None of your brothers business who you’re friends with.

NellMangel · 29/04/2018 23:06

Don't dump Jane. Your brother can't expect people to ditch relationships just cos he's got a new partner.

Your brother and his partner will have to live with the paranoia that everyone prefers Jane and thinks they're twats for treating her badly. Moral of the story is to not be a twat.

TotallyWingingIt · 29/04/2018 23:06

Another one for Team Jane!

TheBigFatMermaid · 29/04/2018 23:09

Don't dump Jane! Like you say, she has done nothing wrong. If his new 'lady' is jealous, then she needs to focus that on your DB, as once they have cheated once, you know they can cheat, likewise, he needs to focus on her, not worry about you maintaining a relationship that he surely liked when it suited him!

FedUpWithBriiiiiick · 29/04/2018 23:10

#teamjane

MaggieFS · 29/04/2018 23:12

Team Jane. But could you also try and get to know OW to give her a chance and for the sake of DB?

Rachie1973 · 29/04/2018 23:13

My brother has had 2 more wives since 'Gee'.

Whole family likes her, she's mother of his children and we're very close. For me though, she became my best friend. I see her as my sister and nothing and no one could stop it.

We got on with newer wives but never in the same way

GeordieGirl233 · 29/04/2018 23:14

Team Jane!

Original poster
Bamb1 · 29/04/2018 23:17

MaggieFS

I have not done or said anything unfriendly to OW. I am giving her a chance for DBs sake. I do talk to her when i see her but also I don't click with her so I doubt she'll ever be a proper friend. I feel he would like me to be bff's with OW and that won't happen even if i weren't friends with Jane.

OP posts:
TemptressofWaikiki · 29/04/2018 23:18

Dump your brother, keep Jane... Grin

SJN71 · 29/04/2018 23:27

Team Jane. Brother's being a twat. No reason why you can't be friends with her and still get on with new woman. He's got no right to tell you who to be friends with, especially as he's the one who has acted badly towards Jane. Could understand it slightly more if she'd done dirty on him or something but she hasn't.

FASH84 · 29/04/2018 23:30

Another team Jane. She's the mother of your DN/DNs. You're brother is an idiot and the OW is not the kind of woman i'd want to be friends with given she was supposed to be Jane's friend! Just make sure not to pass info about OW to Jane no matter how much you want to 😁

plominoagain · 29/04/2018 23:34

Team Jane , definitely . Just because he changes partners doesn’t mean you should lose friends . As long as you’re civil to the new GF and don’t shit stir , he’s got no right to complain at all .

TheCriminalMind · 30/04/2018 00:17

Team Jane!

She has done nothing wrong and I betting Jane and your nieces appreciate your support through this difficult time.

Be civil to the OW for your brother but he has no right to tell you who you should be friends with (and he has behaved very badly indeed). The OW will have to get over feeling ‘threatened’ by your friendship with Jane.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/04/2018 00:20

#teamjane

New bit on the side sounds like a real treasure and I bet she's ago accommodating and encouraging of a healthy relationship brethren him and his children's mother if she can't even cope with you being friends with her

#keepjanedumpthebrother

Fruitcorner123 · 30/04/2018 00:23

#teamjane

Let's be honest the OW will be in Jane's position soon enough. At least if you don't bond with OW it will save OW2 the awkwardness. (Not sure what OW3 would make if it all)

Jamiefraserskilt · 30/04/2018 01:09

His relationship with Jane is not your relationship with Jane. Is he 12?
Sod that, Jane stays. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

MrsCrabbyTree · 30/04/2018 01:30

Keep on being friends with Jane.