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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not dropping friend

48 replies

Bamb1 · 29/04/2018 22:50

My brother has 2 children with a lovely girl lets call her Jane. Over time she has become my friend and she gets on well with the rest of the family too.

My Brother however decided he does not love Jane anymore. He left her and has now taken up a relationship with someone who was Janes friend. This woman also has another partner but has now dumped him for my Brother. I don't agree with all this but it's not my business and he can do what he wants with whoever.

My brother is now telling me that i am not to be friends with Jane. She is the mother of my neices and i therefore consider her family and we enjoy meeting with the children and having a cuppa. He says I should not be her friend as it puts strain on his new relationship as she feels I like Jane more. He's got the right hump about it. Am I wrong for keeping Jane as a friend? She has not done anything wrong! Should I dump the friendship because my brother doesn't like it?

OP posts:
GymBot · 30/04/2018 02:22

He says I should not be her friend as it puts strain on his new relationship as she feels I like Jane more

Tough fucking tits! Cheeky bleeder Shock

Sweetpea55 · 30/04/2018 02:38

#Team Jane
She's your friend,,,He doesn't get to dictate who you're friends with.. He's a nob

CreamTeaa · 30/04/2018 02:59

#TeamJane

Your DB is a twat.

TheOriginalEmu · 30/04/2018 03:04

Did he cheat with the new girlfriend? I don’t read that in the OP so I think it’s a little unfair to be calling her the OW when we don’t know if she is.
Anyway, you are an adult and you get to choose your own friends. He doesn’t get to dictate that. You also however sound a bit arsey that he’s left the relationship, if he doesn’t love Jane he’s entitled to move on,

OfaFrenchmind2 · 30/04/2018 03:25

Team Jane. She is still family anyway, or does the OW want to erase that too?

Copperbonnet · 30/04/2018 03:42

I would be inclined to tell him that I do indeed like Jane more however even if Jane was Cruella Deville I wouldn’t excommunicate my nieces’ Mother just because their Father can’t keep it in his pants.

sofato5miles · 30/04/2018 03:55

He doesn't like it as it makes him feel guilty. Well, that's tough. She is your friend and the mother of your neices. However, you should also be civil with your new SIL. Family is important and he may even be happier with his new partner.

BTW my parents divorced 28 years ago and my mother is still friends with her as SILs and best friends with his cousin.We are still connected and it has been lovely for my sister and I.

They also accepted my father's second wife and that has been fine too.

Wdigin2this · 30/04/2018 04:07

Why are you even listening to your brother on this? Who you are friends with is none of his business, you can be civil to the new partner, but Jane is your friend, why the hell would you be so mean as to dump her?

ChasedByBees · 30/04/2018 05:24

I’m team Jane too. She’s the mother of your nieces/nephews, she’s family.

Tinkie25 · 30/04/2018 05:39

Team Jane too.

Your brother is a cheeky bastard. As long as you’re not rude to his new partner (which it sounds like you’re not) then I don’t see a problem.

SticksOutLikeDogsBalls · 30/04/2018 05:42

Another one here for Team Jane!

user1483387154 · 30/04/2018 05:46

Team jane

Smeddum · 30/04/2018 05:51

This sounds like standard “cheat behaves appallingly, cheat expects he can dictate how everyone reacts to his appalling behaviour.”

Nope, fuck off. You’re doing the right thing OP although I don’t think I’d be friendly to the OW or your brother at the moment

notanurse2017 · 30/04/2018 05:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elderflowerandrose · 30/04/2018 05:55

#teamjane!

No way should you lose Jane and the relationship with your nieces just because your DB has had affairs. I don't suppose his new gf is very popular - how can she expect to be? Tell Db to jog on.

flubdub · 30/04/2018 05:59

YANBU!

Not dropping friend
Namechangedname · 30/04/2018 06:24

Why should Jayne lose a close friendship because her brother no longer loves her?

Namechangedname · 30/04/2018 06:25

Jane*

DiamondsBestFriend · 30/04/2018 06:36

To be fair the OP didn’t say that he had cheated or that the new woman was the OW, and I do think that many people’s views seem to be based on that assumption.

I am very much of the opinion that family relationships are different to marital relationships and that if you bring someone into the family and they form separate relationships with other members of that family, you can’t just turn around and demand they end those just because you have. But having said that, there have been numerous posts over the years from posters who are the second wife/partner and who feel uncomfortable with the level of friendship between their partner’s ex and the family and feel that it leaves them pushed out, and often it is clearly said by some on here that the family are unreasonable to maintain relationships with the ex.

IMO they’re not unreasonable, and there’s no reason why the OP shouldn’t maintain a relationship with Jane. But that should follow for any relationship, not just for the ones where people feel the man deserves nothing because they assume he’s cheated and that the new partner is an OW

DownTownAbbey · 30/04/2018 06:46

So he thinks he can dictate who you are allowed to be friends with, whom his ex is allowed to see and who his own DC (and YOUR DC!) are allowed to hang around with and when? What an obnoxious, selfish cunt.

Sounds like he wants to erase Jane out of the picture and couldn't give a toss if that alienates her from her friends (the ones who haven't shagged her husband).

Rosielily · 30/04/2018 07:02

It's childish, playground behaviour isn't it, from your brother, telling you who you should be friends with? I was engaged to someone who, when he broke up with me messaged his son and son's then girlfriend to tell them he had blocked me on FB and suggested they might consider doing the same........ Really!?

Lacucuracha · 30/04/2018 12:21

To be fair the OP didn’t say that he had cheated or that the new woman was the OW, and I do think that many people’s views seem to be based on that assumption.

Well, OP said 'This woman also has another partner but has now dumped him for my Brother.'

I took that to mean the brother also was with his partner (Jane) when he took to with the other woman.

But we need OP to clarify. It's redundant anyway as I doubt she will be back, like a lot of threads here.

Original poster
Bamb1 · 30/04/2018 13:20

Yes he did cheat. They both said they were "just friends" but then it all came out as these things inevitably do.

OP posts:
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