To not attend my daughters christening

[Harryhalovics121]

I have been with my daughters mother for 5 years now. We both met at college and things were amazing.

since she had our daughter she has suffered with post natal depression and anger problems. I have been bitten in the past and my items have been destroyed. We went to the local GP to get her some help but nothing has worked.

We recently moved abroad and she has loads of family around here. We arranged to have the baptism out here and its due in a few days. However she has been getting aggressive recently here and i dont want to go to my daughters baptism because its a hostile environment and we keep fighting.

my daughter is 2 years old and none of my family will be there because its too difficult to fly here from the UK.

Please be aware that if you split up and The Hague Convention applies, you may not be able to take your daughter back to the UK. I spent 7 years abroad stuck until the divorce was sorted before being allowed to move. Habitual residence overrides citizenship so don't leave it too long before returning with your wife and DD to the UK.

Harry what do you mean 'turn things around'? If you mean you have time to get out of this relationship and find another one then you are right but meanwhile you have a two year old who is witnessing what sounds like a hostile and violent relationship that requires some urgent action.
If your wife doesn't believe she needs help for her pnd and she and her family are blaming you for it then I don't see how you can improve the situation for your daughter from within the relationship.
You really need to put you dd first.
Is she safe? Are you?
Do you think there is any truth in the idea that you are controlling?
I am in couples therapy and our councillor was really quick to check if there were any safeguarding issues in the relationship. What did yours say about that? Under what circumstance did you stop the couples counselling?
It sounds like a really difficult situation. I don't think it matters if you go to the christening or not. It does really matter that your daughter has a safe and stable home life.

I think you should cancel this event until your partner is in a better frame of mind. I do not see why you should subject yourself to aggression. You are in an abusive relationship and should not put up with it any longer.

As your daughter is 2, and I assume she was born in the UK, and you can work remotely, you really need to move back to the UK if you want any chance of custody of your daughter.
If you have only just moved overseas, you really need to move back to be with your family.

Hague Convention

You really need a relative of yours to come out to help and also go and see the gp yourself, to get some medication to help with your depression. Do your parents know that you are being attacked by your partner?

OP you really need proper legal advice about your rights. You can't get this from randoms on the internet and you don't want to start disclosing the kind of detail which would allow a lawyer to formulate an proper opinion anyway. Your number one priority is your DD, keeping her safe and avoiding having her exposed to violence and aggression. You need to find out your legal position in order to work out best how to do this

Although that said Octonaught speaks wisely!

For a your wife randomly get angry and start attacking you, what do you do?
Tell her she must get help for the pnd and and anger management or the relationship is over
Did this all just start after the birth of your dd?

I'll just add something, though.
No depression, or PND, justifies violence against a partner. I'm surprised no PND sufferers have come out saying that violence is not a sympton.
And her anger problem is that it's towards you.

You need to leave.

Well it will send a statement but the statement would be "I'm a complete arse and being there for my daughter is less important than sticking two fingers up at my wife". You've already missed out on her first birthday. You need to stop punishing her and yourself for your wife's behaviour. If she won't get medical help and couples counselling, you really need to leave the relationship and concentrate on being a decent dad.

I’m so sorry but you are being abused.
Whatever reasons or excuses she is giving you doesn’t make it ok.
You are 23 get out while you can, arrange contact with your child and seek legal advice.
I understand why you have stayed but unfortunately life doesn’t work out how we want or expect so I think it’s time you learned to be on your own and you’ll find that you’re a lot happier x

I want to have a say on the baptism but i dont.

Whenever we are meant to go out with her family to do stuff, there is always an arguement an when i tell her i dont want to miss my daughters bapitsm she says she doesnt care.

I am just tired

It is not an option to stay with someone who is violence towards you. So you either find a way of getting legally back to the UK with your child or you make you life in the country you are living in, but you have to separate. Your partner having a mental illness would still not be a reason to become a human punching bag.

What are the arguments about?

If she can't support herself that's her problem. You and your DD deserve not to live with this woman. She sounds awful. I would get yourself out. No matter how scary it may seem to be alone, it's much better to be away from the aggression. Also I would try to get custody of your DD. She shouldn't be subjected to that. You are her father and you need to protect her from her mother. It would be irresponsible of you to leave her there because her mother needs help which she doesn't seem interested in getting.

I feel sorry for OP as a victim of abuse but sometimes when I read things like this I remember a thread on mumsnet about how some men actually don't love their own children, only their wives. And their relationship with their children is completely dependent on that primary relationship. Because whilst the OP's gf is abusive, he doesn't seem to care in the slightest about his child. He doesn't care that his abusive partner will probably get full custody of this child. He doesn't seem to care about protecting this child or caring for her. She's only mentioned as a power struggle between them.

I get the feeling he wants to leave and abandon his DD to his abusive partner and he's looking for permission. Well, I for one am not giving it. You don't get to abandon your child to an abuser and still get sympathy in my book.

Op even if you caused her to be angry, it isnt a normal response to attack or smash up someone's things. My DH angers me often, yes we argue and sulk but we do not abuse eachother like that. We were actually discussing his ex earlier who attacked him physically, he was under the impression that he knows he can be hard to live with and perhaps he drove her to it, NO. It is never acceptable to harm someone physically because they've angered you. You should seperate, before she takes it too far. If a woman came on here saying her DH was depressed and as such he physically harmed her and destroyed her things, well she would be told to report him and leave.

You need to be there for your daughter's christening. Regardless of what is going on with your partner. As others have said, it will not achieve anything if you don't go, other than further fuel her anger and resentment towards you.

If the relationship is violent and abusive then you must leave. If she is violent and abusive towards your child then you must take your child with you.