Newborn photo

[TheForthBeetle]

Having yet another issue with family due to being NC with mother.

For the avoidance of drip feeding parents divorced when I was young and I lived with DF and sister with mother as I can't stand her.
Over the years I have been emotionally manipulated into contact with her by DF family urging me to "be the better person", even though mother always torches the bridges as quick as I build them. But after our wedding I finally put my foot down.

I am due to have DC1. We've asked that all family keep photos off social media.
In addition I've asked DF not to text a picture to my sister (who I can just about be in a room with but I dislike intensely) as she will show mother.

He's then thrown a massive strop saying he doesn't need to be piggy in the middle, citing health issues as another reason he wants "harmony".

I've pointed out this is a joint decision between me and DH, who also can't stand mother.
I told him I was putting my foot down. If he was insistent on sending a pic to Sis then I simply wouldn't send him one.

His response ..... "FUCK YOU".

AIBU?

When you are about to have your fist baby, things which would seem quite ordinary or merely annoying can take on huge and unwarranted significance. I think this might be one of them.

The plus side of this is that you can just ignore everything outside of yourself, your husband and your new baby without guilt (possibly excluding in-laws, but your husband can deal with them). Don't share photos online since it seems to cause issues with your job anyway. If your relationship with your dad causes both of you stress then just don't see him.

Having a baby is one time when it's fine to ignore huge chunks of "stuff" and just concentrate on the thing that really, really matters. Enjoy it, and don't let worries about your family spoil such a special time. Your husband can deal with anyone who phones and turn away unwelcome visitors. You can absolutely make it all about the three of you and blank out anything to do with your birth family, if that's what gives you the most peace.

I can’t imagine any father saying (texting) ‘Fuck you’ to their child.
No excuse for that whatsoever.

People who say what's the harm may well have experience of all kinds of things. A social worker, for example, will see lots of examples about why a relative shouldn't see photos of a child but, to me, this doesn't seem like one of them.

I doubt anybody could reliably pick out a specific baby from a row of babies unless it was their own.

I think you can save the battles for later. The identification online thing is not an issue now. Let’s face it, one newborn pretty much looks like the next. If kidnappers went into a nursery full of babies they would be hard pressed to pick out yours from a photo on the internet. So that only holds water once they start to look like an individual. So if your dad puts the photo of your newborn on the internet what harm will it do? So what if your mother sees it?

I don’t let my kids have images on social media where they can be identified but it would not phase me if someone had of put their photos up as newborns or even if images of them as young kids were put up now given that as teens you cant match them to any photos as babies/toddlers. One you would be able to match from photos from around 4yo onwards, the other is weird as you would be very hard pressed to match them now to any photo under 12yo.

Save the battles and drama for when you really need to pull them out.

Don't send him a photo and don't allow them to take any. Problem solved really

And for everyone saying OP is causing a drama, I don't think she is. Her child - her decision.

You may also want to go NC with your Dad, OP. What a horrible thing to say to your own child.

You seem to be enjoying the control and drama.

The "fuck you" seems quite appropriate.

I find it odd how many responses have been attacking the OP and suggesting you enjoy the drama - it sounds the opposite to me but there you go.

I have no pics of DC on social media either and I'm not NC with family, nor do I have a job that where some would see me as a target. I'm just a private person and prefer not to share just 'show' pics to people in person.

I would suggest that you send an announcement to whoever you would like to know, when the baby is safely here with the usual weight, time of birth and name if you have one but no pics. Then if your DF visits in person ask him to leave his phone at the door with his shoes.

Your baby, your rules. It all sounds complicated and stressful so at this point you are well within your rights to reduce the impact of all this on yourself and your pregnancy.

It's great your have your DH's support so you can be a team and you have a joint response. Stand your ground!

Good luck xx

It sounds like he has both of his daughters pulling him in different directions. It’s no wonder he feels caught in the middle.