Embarassed about this work situation

[Cringing123]

Hi

I work in a large team of about 25 people across a few offices. I work closely with a girl who’s really really lovely, really considerate and eager to help anyone.

In our workplace we have a general rule that we do team-signed birthday cards for staff (on major birthdays, not every year) but no monetary collections - collections are only reserved for weddings, retirements or people leaving.

So on my 30th birthday earlier this week I was presented with a team-signed card by said colleague - along with an envelope of cash. She had organised a collection from people in the team to the tune of 170 quid!

I tried to give it back to her but she wouldn’t take it. I feel completely mortified and embarassed. I’m the only one in the whole team who’s had a collection arranged for their birthday, and there’s been colleagues who have turned 50 and 60 in the last few years- in my opinion 30 is not a milestone on the same scale.

Im worried that the rest of the team will be thinking “wtf” behind my back and that I’m entitled, and I know if it was me I’d only have donated because I was being cajoled by a nice colleague.

I feel really uncomfortable about keeping the cash. Would I be unreasonable to find out on the sly who donated in the team and give it back? Or perhaps donate it to this year’s Xmas kitty!?

I know she did it because she cares about our friendship, but i really wish she didn’t!

You could always donate a portion to charity and then buy some cupcakes or something for the entire office

I think that now you have been given it, it would look worse if you returned or donated it.

£170 isn't just people giving because they have you. You're obviously liked so accept it graciously and enjoy! As someone suggested you could buy some lovely treats.

ugh, this has probably set a horrible precedent so save the money to use for all the collections you'll have to start contributing to.

If people didn’t want to contribute, they wouldn’t have, especially do generously! Just enjoy and treat yourself

Yes, donate the money to the Xmas kitty or donate to charity if you don't feel you can keep it.
TBH, if someone came up with an envelope for a birthday but I knew we didn't do cash for birthdays I'd either have told them or not donated if I felt it was 'improper'. People clearly felt they wanted to donate and it wasn't as though it was your fault, so personally I think you should enjoy the money. Perhaps buy a round of drinks on the next work night out?

I get that you are embarrassed but I don't think you can honestly return it without upsetting her and potentially offending others. An email to say thabk you and that you didn't exoect it would be nice. Perhaos you could donate the money to a team thing as suggested or donate it to a charity which is somehow related to your type of work?

They didn’t have to give, they chose to, nobody would’ve been forced to.

Buy a round in the pub or bring in some nice chocolates/cake and on the off chance anyone is wavering they will be won back over ☺️

I was going to add that £170 from 25 people is quite a lot. They have generally donated more than a fiver each. They have chosen to do this so I wouldn't imagine they are secretly aggrieved, they must think very highly of you.

"Everyone down the pub, the drinks are on me!" Plus there should be enough for cakes all round! You're obviously very popular! What's your secret?

You don’t think she put the money in? Keen to impress?

If you want to avoid it becoming a precedent, you could diplomatically thank Your well-intentioned colleague on Monday but let her in on the ‘rule’, and then email your team (as it’s only 25) to acknowledge the lovely unexpectedness of it and say you want to spend it on some sort of celebration with them? As mentioned up thread, drinks or cakes maybe?

Take in cakes and announce the drinks are on you after work. Or buy something for the office hat is needed - fan, mini fridge, coffee machine...

Surely 30 is a milestone birthday? It was when I hit it (many years ago )

It's about £7 each. Don't fret, op. Treat yourself 😊

Buy something for the office that benefits everybody

Put it in the Christmas kitty.

Why did everyone give money for a 30th birthday, when there is a clear rule to NOT give money? (Only for weddings, and people leaving...)

£170 from 25 people is almost eight quid each!

WTF?

I got a large gift and £250 gift card when I went on mat leave from my work. I was shocked and thought I didn’t deserve it, but the lady doing the collection said people don’t put in for people who arnt liked and just take it as a massive compliment ☺️

They had the choice not to donate, so clearly they wanted to. Just accept the money, spend it on something nice and let it go.

The woman that did the present buying at my last company was an awful gift buyer! She couldn't see beyond her own taste! I knew her well and had been t her home, it was a Moroccan/Indian influenced boudoir sort of place, and accessories for such a place were EXACTLY what she bought for the rest of the office with collected money!

I got a huge colourful beaded cushion... I lived in a minimal all white apartment. One of the programmers, a huge many type, got a set of dinky tea glasses! It was mad!

*manly type

Buy something fabulous for the office.

I actually think it would be rude to spend it on a round at the pub or to put it in the Xmas kitty. People have donated now so it’s done. If I gave money to a birthday collection then I saw them blow it all on drinks I would be majorly pissed off. I would have donated so they could have a birthday treat themself.
Spending a small amount on some Krispy Kremes or cakes would be a good gesture in my opinion.

Aw, OP, they must really like you so that's a positive! I don't think they would have been cajoled into it.

Could you maybe write a mass email to everyone to thank them for the card and collection but you really weren't expecting anything and would like to put the money towards a tab at the next team drinks so everyone gets a drink from the collection?