Embarassed about this work situation

[Cringing123]

Hi

I work in a large team of about 25 people across a few offices. I work closely with a girl who’s really really lovely, really considerate and eager to help anyone.

In our workplace we have a general rule that we do team-signed birthday cards for staff (on major birthdays, not every year) but no monetary collections - collections are only reserved for weddings, retirements or people leaving.

So on my 30th birthday earlier this week I was presented with a team-signed card by said colleague - along with an envelope of cash. She had organised a collection from people in the team to the tune of 170 quid!

I tried to give it back to her but she wouldn’t take it. I feel completely mortified and embarassed. I’m the only one in the whole team who’s had a collection arranged for their birthday, and there’s been colleagues who have turned 50 and 60 in the last few years- in my opinion 30 is not a milestone on the same scale.

Im worried that the rest of the team will be thinking “wtf” behind my back and that I’m entitled, and I know if it was me I’d only have donated because I was being cajoled by a nice colleague.

I feel really uncomfortable about keeping the cash. Would I be unreasonable to find out on the sly who donated in the team and give it back? Or perhaps donate it to this year’s Xmas kitty!?

I know she did it because she cares about our friendship, but i really wish she didn’t!

I would also be offended if it was spent on something for the office too. People donated out of their own pockets for you as they like you. You need to accept it.

I would graciously accept the money and either treat your colleagues to pizza or something. In our office its warm samosas or cream cakes.
Personally I give very little to collections at work but will participate if I know the person .Even then its usually £2 max.
You must be well thought if. We had a disliked manager leave and the collection was about £30. Not too bad until you consider there are over 300 staff !

Adopt an animal on behalf of the team?

I would ask them all in a carefully worded email.

Something like, "I was so surprised with the collection you had for me, and warmed by your generosity. I know we don't normally collect unless it is x y z, so I feel a bit uncomfortable about it. Do you think we should all use it for a night out, or maybe order in some treats? Please let me know what you think!"

Agree to people not putting into general birthdays etc but special birthdays absolutely and they obviously think a lot of you. No one forced them (hopefully) to donate.

Take the cash and buy lots of treats for them over the next couple of days.

I wouldn't be offended if you bought something for the office - what an odd idea. I'd think it was thoughtful and it's up to you what you spend your money pn.

If the rule is no monetary gifts then I think this puts you in a very awkward position indeed. Who has made this rule or is it just an unwritten law. I think this should be dealt with by the management. it's really not on for one person to receive such a large gift and other birthdays unrecognised if there is a rule about this it needs to be upheld. IMHO.

Isn't there anyone in particular that you could speak to about this, OP? What about someone who will tell you honestly whether or not people objected to it.

I think if at Christmas you all have a night out, I'd put the money into the kitty.

Just thinking... how long has that woman been there? Would she be aware of what's normal there?

Is she due her own big birthday soon?

Spend a small amount on some Krispy Kremes
Have you seen the price of Krispy Kremes? That would be about 1 each

That’s exactly what I was thinking about Krispy Kremes

Is there already a coffee machine in the office? What about buying a load of gorgeous coffee and some cakes? NOT Krispy Kreme...they're like foam with melted plastic on them.

would ask them all in a carefully worded email.

Something like, "I was so surprised with the collection you had for me, and warmed by your generosity. I know we don't normally collect unless it is x y z, so I feel a bit uncomfortable about it. Do you think we should all use it for a night out, or maybe order in some treats? Please let me know what you think!"

I wouldn’t- that sounds shockingly ungrateful.

Oh dear, I can see why you feel a little awkward - but they obviously all like you.

My friends threw me a baby shower in a club one of them ran, and I got given about £300 in Mothercare vouchers, some of it from people I barely knew. It was lovely (and very useful) but also a little overwhelming.

Just suggest a collection is started for all ‘0’ birthdays.

Thanks for your replies
That’s nice of you to say that I must be popular but I’m not in any way a popular or “liked more than the next person” type colleague, I get on with people but not to the extent where I think they’d say “cringing123’s birthday? Put me down for a tenner”. I’m quite quiet and keep myself to myself

We have some people in the other offices who are a bit opinionated that I don’t know very well and I can just see them having a gripe at why my birthday is being celebrated and no one else’s is!

The no monetary collection thing has been in place since before I joined 6 years ago, I think it used to be done for even minor birthdays and it got too much so they “banned” it

I like the idea of treating the offices to an extortionate amount of donuts!. I will speak to my manager on Monday for advice : the last thing I want to do is offend people, it’s just so much money for one person’s birthday

And yes nice colleague is 30 herself next year!! I’m planning to be on mat leave so hopefully I can avoid the feeling of having to reciprocate the gesture!!