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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 month old baby...Stag do

63 replies

newmum19871 · 28/04/2018 12:49

Hi Everyone,

I think I should start by saying I'm pretty sure I have bee struggling with PND, although I feel I am starting to make some progress with it now.

I am a first time mom and my daughter is 6 weeks old. My other half is going on a stag do abroad (2 nights) when she will be just 2 months old, I am wondering if I am wrong to be upset about this?

He is a great daddy and has been very supportive. A big part of my pnd was me feeling that he does a much better job than me and I don't know how to parent without him. We also have a great relationship and I know he wouldn't do anything to upset me on purpose.

I can't stop thinking about this stag do though. I keep thinking he will be out of the house all week at work, straight to the airport after work on Friday then his flight leaves at 8pm on Sunday so he will be back late - then back to another week of work. I think it's the idea of all the parenting being my responsibility and not having the support there, especially at night.

I guess I need to believe in myself a bit more...

OP posts:

Highhorse1981 · 28/04/2018 17:32

raviolidreaming

How about reading my full post

MaryShelley1818 · 28/04/2018 17:38

OP it might actually do you the world of good and make you realise just how good you are, and boost your confidence!
I have a 4.5mth old and suffer terribly with anxiety. DP works away 1/2/3nts a week and 3wks today I’m actually going to Spain for 3nts with friends (a big Birthday celebration) Baby will survive as me and DP despite being first time parents will have to just get on with it and manage.
You’ve got this x

IveGotNoClothes · 28/04/2018 18:24

Some people are being absolute dicks on here.

"My DH couldn't have paternity leave" It's not a who's got it worse as I'm sure others have got it worse than you.

Op, how you are feeling is normal.....you don't want to be left alone to do it all. I completely understand.

bbqseason · 28/04/2018 18:36

Totally normal not to want to be left alone at this stage. My husband went away for the weekend when mine was similar age, so I went to my parents for the weekend. I wouldn't have wanted to be on my own even though I was actually doing all the night feeds anyway. Can you arrange to see family or friends?

TellyCushion · 28/04/2018 18:40

I think if you still want/need support, then he should stay. You've been through a lot xxx

Onlyoldontheoutside · 28/04/2018 19:07

You will be fine.You set your own agenda.Buy in some ready meals.You have no routine to stick to,no tidying,no meals to cook.Sometimes just you and your baby is nice and even for 2nights it will boost your confidence.
If you are struggling generally the talk to your health visitor/go.

TheSkyAtNight · 28/04/2018 21:20

Yanbu to feel as you do. Have you got support you can call on?

corcaithecat · 28/04/2018 21:25

A Stag do is hardly an vital event when you've just had a baby and you're struggling to cope.
If you don't have anyone else to help you then explain to your DH how anxious you're feeling and ask him to cancel the trip.

Fruitcorner123 · 28/04/2018 21:28

I have PND (baby 7m now) and I can clearly remember crying because DH said he was playing squash the next evening and I couldn't face it alone. That was just an evening!

As it's a stag do I am guessing it's an important event for him and can understand why he would want to go. Do you have a friend who could come and stay or who you could stay with? If they can't stay over could you arrange to meet up with friends/family during the days at the weekend? Have you seen GP/health visitor about your PND? It is worth it.

And just to reassure you it really does get better and you are doing a fab job I am sure. Your baby loves you just as you are and doesn't mind if you don't fit into anyone else's idea of 'perfect' you will be perfect to your LO.

BellyBean · 28/04/2018 21:33

Any chance he could take annual leave for a day the week before/after the weekend to give you respite?

Pixie2015 · 28/04/2018 21:42

Please try and get someone to stay with you or go and stay with someone for weekend / it’s lovely to have someone for company and suppport as PND makes everything seem worse x

ThereIsAlwaysDrama · 28/04/2018 22:09

I wouldn't be happy with it and DP wouldn't leave me knowing how I felt.

I am against stag and hen dos abroad in general though so that may cloud my judgement.

Caterina99 · 29/04/2018 00:59

I didn’t have pnd or anxiety and my eldest was a pretty easygoing baby at 2 months, and I wouldn’t have been very happy about DH leaving me for a weekend. It wasn’t that I couldn’t manage to look after the baby as I did that all week, it was more the company, and the fact that DH could take him between feeds on a weekend so I could actually get some sleep.

I would have let him go though if it was important to him.

I second what others are saying - do you have friends or family that can stay or you meet up with during the day? That’s what I usually do if DH is away. Make sure we have something planned for every day

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