...to think ALL schools have a bullying problem?

[OneNameToRuleThemAll]

I keep seeing threads and discussions (both here and in real life) that suggest certain schools don't have any problems with bullying. Yet I experienced it from my very first day in primary school, straight through to the end of Year 13.

I was relentlessly called names every single day by hundreds of other children. I dressed a little gothy (within the boundaries of uniform) and the schools response to this was that it may be intimidating other pupils and this is why I was "picked on". It was suggested I change my style of dress or take a longer route to my destination to avoid name calling in the corridors. Victim blaming much?

I was sent to isolation on suspicion of punching a younger kid. I'd never even met the little bastard except in passing when he'd call me a faggot. No matter how much I tried to convince the teacher that nothing had happened, they didn't believe me and assumed I was downplaying the incident.

When punched by another pupil, I defended myself and got excluded for a few days. I suppose my problem was that I always tell the truth. While some children may have massaged the truth a little to paint themselves in a better light, I told it exactly as it happened and got equal punishment if I hit back.

The one exception was right before I took my A-Level exams. A student had accused me of grabbing him my the scruff of the neck and warning him to keep away from me after his relentless name calling. I denied it happened and a friend who witnessed the altercation backed me up. Since I always tell the truth, I was believed and got away scottfree. I suppose this taught me a valuable life lesson.

I was sent to anger management at the age of 15 for getting angry after a pupil made disparaging remarks about my family. Those sessions have had a deep impact on me, causing me to suppress my negative emotions. I'm now on antidepressants and beta-blockers.

I'm bisexual, which gave the bullies something else to torture me with. The school's solution: don't flaunt your sexuality.

When I was young, one of my best friends at the same school committed suicide because he was being bullied relentlessly, much worse than I was.

Did I have a bad experience or do ALL schools have a bullying problem?

It's a bit like the Vashta Nerada

Not every school all the time. But any school at any time.

What matters is how the school deals with it

Any school that says they don't have bullying is lying. What is important is how they address it.

It is better now.

It’s not perfect. Some schools are shit. But they can’t get away with victim blaming as much. I have a mixed white and southeast Asian heritage and I got crucified for it at school. Couldn’t get away with it so much now.

I agree.I was bullied throughout high school. I never discussed it with the school as I thought it would get worse. A teacher can’t make people like you can it?
Since my issue has never ever been mentioned to them even once I’m sure they could have said they had no problems. I wasn’t the only desperately desperately unhappy person in my form, I know of at least 2 others.

Can they, that should say.

All schools have bullying.
Not all schools have a bullying problem.

The difference is how they approach it. You can guarantee that any school that tells you that they don't have bullying has a bullying problem as what they're saying is either people don't tell them because they don't help, or they deny it's happening if people do tell them.

I don’t think YABU.

I also think a lot people have been both bullied and bullies in their time. The amount of people who say they were bullied at some point in their lives suggests there must be some cross over.

There was bullying in my primary school and both high schools, my best friend at the time always went to different schools to me and she would say the same, bullying at her primary school and both high schools.
I think its present in EVERY school, to a degree, all the time.

I believe that bullies exist in every school and it’s how the school deals with the issue. Bullying encompasses so much from what you sadly experienced to exclusion from a friendship group. I am lucky that my kids, although had some minor issues in primary, haven’t experienced full-on bullying although they do tell me of incidents that go on in their secondary. It’s a big school
So it would be impossible to say bullying didn’t happen. Schools do a lot more work around bullying now, in ‘my day’ it was the victim who was ‘blamed’ and thank goodness that has changed.

Do you mean all British schools? All British state schools? I wasn't bullied at school. There was a bit of unkind teasing but I didn't and don't regard it as bullying. I only spent a few years in a British school (independent faith) but I wasn't bullied there. It was a very unhappy time in my life but it wasn't due to bullying.

From what I have heard there is a serious culture of bullying in UK schools though I don't know whether this is in all schools. I would have been an obvious bullying target if I had attended a British state school, as an untrendy swotty goody-two-shoes. In fact, in primary school (UK) I hated having to go past the bus stop where students from the local state secondary would lunge at me as I passed.

Being a swot wasn't a problem at schools abroad. Being seen as one-dimensional wouldn't make you popular but it wouldn't lead to bullying either.

That wasn't my experience. As a child at a selective state school,I was from a free school meals family so uniform was generally second hand, I was desperately geeky and I had a bad stutter, but I wasn't bullied.
I was the obvious victim I think and yet it didn't happen.
However, we were a small school -450 - and very academic. And the staff were very good.

I think every school has a bullying problem. Sadly some schools deal with it amazingly, others handle it badly or ignore it. I really do not believe there is a school with zero bullying, at any level. I wish I was wrong.

I believe every school has bullying, probably always will. My name has a very important meaning to it, I'm ginger. I first expeirenced bullying in nursery, by this one girl in particular, we went through our entire school life together and she didn't change one bit. She would encourage the other kids to call me names. It was never too bad, teachers just told me to keep away from her, as if that was easy when in the same room as her for 6 hours a day. But there was this one time, I must have been about 10, my friend knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to go down to the park with her. As we were walking down the girl who bullied me came out from behind a bush or something, she'd obviously been hiding because she knew I never would have said yes if she was there. I wanted to go back home but I didn't want her to know I was scared of her (She was probably fully aware of it), so I just went to the park with them. Another boy was there who was in the class below us, I'd been wary of him since I heard he threatened someone with a knife. But again I didn't want to make a fuss so I stayed. About 10 minutes later my friend said she had to go home for tea. At this point I really wanted to leave but I still didn't. The two left started teasing me so I decided to leave, as I walked to the gate the boy ran in front of me and blocked it off. They started hitting and punching me, although one was younger than me they were both a lot taller and one the bigger side. I eventually managed to pushed them away and open the gate and ran home. I was too much of a wimp to ever ask my friend if it was planned and if so why did she do it. Things weren't so bad at secondary school, people still called my name sometimes but they didn't seem to worship that girl like they used to. In fact they picked on her too for her weight, I'm not going to lie it did feel good to see her experience what she did to me. It never stopped her being nasty to me sometimes but It didn't really effect me as much anymore. Now I have 3 children, my oldest is also ginger, she's had to deal with bullying too. I think it's ridiculous that people feel the need to do this simply because someone is a little different to them. But anyway I don't think it's possible to stop bullying all together but there isn't any point denying it happens

Sorry that was a long one haha

I agree, I was bullied from day 1 because I was “different”, it was a small town where everyone was related to everyone else but my family were incomers and we were “posh” and didn’t speak with the local broad accent.

The teachers just didn’t know how to deal with bullying and there was a lot of victim blaming, I was either ignored or told I was lying. I remember once they finally believed me they sent a letter home to the bullies parents, but they didn’t post it, they gave it to her to take home and she took delight in ripping it up in front of me.

It has undoubtedly had a huge impact on my life and it’s hard not to hold onto a lot of resentment, I moved to the other end of the country and cut contact with most people I knew from my home town because I don’t have happy memories there and I don’t want to be reminded of it, I recently went to visit my parents and I was scared to go to the local shops in case I saw anyone from school despite having left school almost 20 years ago.

There is bullying in every school. It is in the nature of some people to bully. Get enough people together and they will bully. It happens in workplaces too under the guise of ‘banter’. Some people are deeply unpleasant, it’s how it is dealt with.

Just because the bullying isn’t happening to you it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

It’s different now and happens far far less. But can still slip through.

One of the main reasons bullying happens is because teachers just don’t know about it. They might see the odd awful behaviour but they’re not there 24/7. They need the victim to say ‘I’m being bullied.’ and be open about their life.

The last few years anti-bullying week campaigns have all had similar messages: whether you’re a victim or onlooker - speak out, loudly and persistently.

I think some level of bullying is inevitable but it can be hidden.

Bullying was rife at my school amongst the girls but it was t in its traditional form and probably unnoticed by staff. Very much a mean girls mentality. Girls would be excluded from cliques just for fun and left friendless and alone and mocked by everyone. Extremely damaging. It was a private school and all very subtle. I was both a perpetrator and victim. I was part of a clique and we would regularly engage in quite horrid behaviour to one member for no real reason. It was usually because the member had upset the queen bee some how like by buying the same top is her. Not proud to have engaged in it but certainly paid for it. I pissed off the queen be and was excluded. What haplened to me left me alone and excluded from my so called friends in my exam year. I have no idea how I managed to pass my exams. The whole experience left me extremely damaged. This behaviour was the norm at my school across all levels of ‘ popularity.’ The staff had no idea because victims felt ashamed. It was a very competitive school and I think this was reflected in our behaviour to each other. I really dread to think what it’s like now with social media and out of school means if bullying that staff can’t see.

Bullying amongst kids seems to be part of the norm and it’s extremely hard to deal with. I genuinely don’t know what can be done to stop it. Better help and support with victims would be good. If you can’t stop bullying at least you can minimise the damage it does to victims.

I have started working in a secondary school recently not as a teacher but in my professional field, I don't have any interaction with the children in this role other than to walk past them but my office is located away from the areas that are monitored by teachers and senior staff so I hear quite a bit of teenage angst and I have to say on those grounds I do think nothing has changed since I was a teenager 20 years ago! This is a good school academically but there's always this underlying tension that things are going to kick off, some horrible nasty and aggressive comments about each other. For me this is the worst bit about working in a school. The kids are surprised if I hold the door for them or if I say thank you to them so I think some adults don't model good manners which creates this tense atmosphere. I've never worked anywhere where poor manners are just part of working life. It is getting me down as I worry about my own child starting secondary school this September. It's a different school so it may be different.

Kids are horrible and there are bullies everywhere. Just some schools are better at handling it.

Yes, from what I hear, so exclusion from parties at the weekend, teasing that can be very aggressive, it is hidden stuff as away from the teachers.

My son was kicked in the head whilst at school, he was in year 4, I went into the school and the teacher refused to believe that her golden boy would kick my son, fortunately my dd and her friends were in year 6 and they had seen it happen so when golden boy denied it, he was shown to be a liar as several year 6s were witnesses.

The schools solution? That I speak to the boys mother about what happened.😡

Totally agree is how the school address it, that makes a difference.

My son has attended 4 schools now. Mainstreams, private and now a special school. First 3 schools, he was bullied severely. They denied bullying took place. 4th school they take action straight away, their zero approach to bullying really does help to prevent bullying on a large/severe scale.

I wouldn't say kids are horrible, mine certainly aren't as they've been taught kindness but that is a character trait distinctly lacking in some adults. Whether it is the pressure of working in schools but I don't see kindness in many areas of school life so it's no surprise to me that children model this.

Wherever there are people there is bullying.

It's a human behaviour. It's in classrooms, playgrounds and staff rooms. It is everywhere.