...to think ALL schools have a bullying problem?

[OneNameToRuleThemAll]

I keep seeing threads and discussions (both here and in real life) that suggest certain schools don't have any problems with bullying. Yet I experienced it from my very first day in primary school, straight through to the end of Year 13.

I was relentlessly called names every single day by hundreds of other children. I dressed a little gothy (within the boundaries of uniform) and the schools response to this was that it may be intimidating other pupils and this is why I was "picked on". It was suggested I change my style of dress or take a longer route to my destination to avoid name calling in the corridors. Victim blaming much?

I was sent to isolation on suspicion of punching a younger kid. I'd never even met the little bastard except in passing when he'd call me a faggot. No matter how much I tried to convince the teacher that nothing had happened, they didn't believe me and assumed I was downplaying the incident.

When punched by another pupil, I defended myself and got excluded for a few days. I suppose my problem was that I always tell the truth. While some children may have massaged the truth a little to paint themselves in a better light, I told it exactly as it happened and got equal punishment if I hit back.

The one exception was right before I took my A-Level exams. A student had accused me of grabbing him my the scruff of the neck and warning him to keep away from me after his relentless name calling. I denied it happened and a friend who witnessed the altercation backed me up. Since I always tell the truth, I was believed and got away scottfree. I suppose this taught me a valuable life lesson.

I was sent to anger management at the age of 15 for getting angry after a pupil made disparaging remarks about my family. Those sessions have had a deep impact on me, causing me to suppress my negative emotions. I'm now on antidepressants and beta-blockers.

I'm bisexual, which gave the bullies something else to torture me with. The school's solution: don't flaunt your sexuality.

When I was young, one of my best friends at the same school committed suicide because he was being bullied relentlessly, much worse than I was.

Did I have a bad experience or do ALL schools have a bullying problem?

All schools definitely DO have a bullying problem.

Not ALL schools do anything about it though, as they think it shows them in a bad light.

They simply get the kids together in a little circle in a big room (bullies AND victims) and get them to 'talk it through,' and offer the victim 'counselling' to deal with it better when they are in a situation where someone is 'going on at them...' in other words BULLYING them! (Yeah I am NOT making that up! )

Sometimes, the school even makes the victim feel like it's THEIR fault they are being bullied.

My son is very popular but was isolated by a group of boys and kicked, had his lip pulled away from his mouth so had a bleeding cut that inhibited his eating for a week. I took action and complained as my son was told that he should've walked away and has to be more resilient. It was not possible for him to move as it was 6 against one and resilience in the face of assault is a ridiculous notion. I pointed out to the school that all the boys involved are at the criminal age of responsibility as at one point it looked like they were just going to not take any action. To me that is poor leadership and gives the message out that you can get away with it at this school.

I think one of the problems is that these days schools have this ethos that bullies are somehow victims, that they are the way they are through some sort of trauma and need to be mollycoddled, whilst the real victims get neglected. I also hate this whole "tell a teacher if someone is picking/hurting you" as so much of the time they are useless and the child ends up feeling confused about what is said and what is actually done. They lose faith in their teachers and feel unsafe. That's my experience anyway.

Glad to see that there is some agreement on this matter. :)

I’m sorry your experience was like that mygoditsfullofstars.

’I also hate this whole "tell a teacher if someone is picking/hurting you" as so much of the time they are useless and the child ends up feeling confused about what is said and what is actually done’
^ but hating on speaking up about being bullied is just stupid. If it didn’t work for you I’m sorry, but the message I teach children is tell someone and if that person doesn’t listen tell someone else. What’s the alternative - suffer alone?

YANBU, I was fat and mixed-race. I might as well of had a sign saying BULLY ME pinned to my head.
My school only reacted to physical bullying e.g. pushing, shoving with witnesses etc.
I was in Year 8 English when a hoard of girls took great pleasure in spitting in my hair and trying to stick masking tape to my head so they could rip it off.
At the end of the lesson I broke down to the teacher. Her response was a mix of I should of asked to move to grilling me about what I had done to provoke them. I'd done fuck all love
I learnt not to trust any teachers after that

Sad thing is @JayZed, I 100% believe you. One lad at my daughter's school, was fat, mixed race, AND gay. His life at school, was a living hell; my daughter and 4 or 5 of her pals were nice to him and are still friends now - even post uni, but there were enough bullies to make his life miserable. A few of his pals (incl my daughter) tried to defend him, but ended up becoming victims of these bullies themselves for a while. And the school did hardly ANYthing to stop it, except what I said before... getting the bullies and their victims to 'talk it out,' which, 9 times out of 10, made things worse.

As you probably know, the bullying doesn't stop at the school gate on a Friday like it did before the internet, it continued on social media, to epic proportions.... In the end his parents ended up home-schooling him, and he disappeared off the internet and social media for a couple of years.

Schools are representative of society so there will always be bullying. However, it is vital that schools deal with it properly. I am lucky to work in a school that has a clear policy on how we will proceed with bullies and we do not shy away from strong consequences. However, it is. Also vital to work with those who are the bullies, to attempt to change their behaviour.