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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder exactly what a flasher hopes to achieve?!!

51 replies

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/04/2018 17:25

Just had an email from DS school about an "incident" outside the school gates where a man decided to "expose" himself to the school kids on their way home.

Apart from being that things haven't changed since my day, I'm also vaguely .....bemused.

I mean what do flashers hope to achieve? What exactly is the point of getting one's junk out in public and waving it about? Especially when, let's face it, hairy balls and a perky penis aren't exactly pretty at the drunkest of times.

Do flashers expect schoolgirls to run lustily over and scream "take me now" or are they trying to disappoint the poor girls with the flaccidity of things to come?

Just musing, if there are ex / wanna be / current flashers out there, perhaps you could enlighten us?

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Kleptronic · 27/04/2018 18:04

There was a bloke on the beach the other week facing in towards the sand dunes with his kecks round his ankles. He wasn't having a piss and stood there a good long while. I completely, totally and utterly ignored him.

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/04/2018 18:04

Presumably they enjoy making other people uncomfortable or afraid

Years ago I was returning to work with a group of other girls, all around 19-22 + one older lady in her 50s who was the archetypal battleaxe.

As we turned the corner to cut through a narrow road this guy opened up his Mack to reveal his offerings.

Battleaxe let out a battle cry.

"GET HIM" so we started running at him.

He panicked and ran away.

Kept us laughing all afternoon.

Kettlepotblack · 27/04/2018 18:07

Agree its like most sexual crimes. It's not about sex, it's about power. Mostly male power over women.

Original poster

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/04/2018 18:10

yep it would be great if all flashers were met by angry jack russells or groups of shouting women! Perhaps they'd learn not to do it. As it is I guess schoolkids are an easy soft target.

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HollowTalk · 27/04/2018 18:11

Just out of interest, has anyone ever heard of a case where a gay guy has flashed other men, or where a gay woman has flashed anyone in the fucking world?

Original poster

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/04/2018 18:14

Careful Hollow! Don't get too angry or people will start to think you hate men #notallmenareflashers

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PoisonousSmurf · 27/04/2018 18:15

Don't go to deepest Africa then. We went on a tour back in 1998 to Tanzania and visited a local market. The amount of men who decided to urinate on the side of the path when we came along was unreal.
When it was just a group of us 'white women' they did it even more!

GertrudeCB · 27/04/2018 18:16

The creep that flashed me when I was a teen went on to sexuall assault a woman.

HollowTalk · 27/04/2018 18:16

Ha, no, I was just interested in whether a gay guy would flash another guy - it's interesting that it's always male - female (as far as I've heard.)

Kettlepotblack · 27/04/2018 18:28

I guess the 'penis' is the symbol of the power, therefore flashing to another with a penis, doesn't have the same purpose nor shock value. Vaginas aren't thought of in the same way either...

Deathraystare · 27/04/2018 18:30

Stupid man could well be photographed by some kid and his image shown to police,!

StopBeingNosey · 27/04/2018 18:34

There was a guy who used to stand and flash me and my dsis everyday on the way home from school. We were 7 and 9. He used to wait for us on the steps that we had to go up. He just used to stand there with his willy out and say ‘good afternoon girls’ very politely. Our dm just told us to ignore him and we ended up finding it quite funny. I was genuinely shocked when, about 10 years later, he was in the paper for murdering a prostitute. We just thought he was a harmless weirdo.

You never hear about female flashers though. Wonder why it’s just men who feel the need to do it.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 18:34

pigmcpigface, it is very funny . He's got some performing arts experience so he gets the face down pat, comical evil genius thing. The real thing, of course, isn't remotely funny.

I love the sound of Battleaxe. When I grow up, I want to be like her.

I've heard of a number of cases where women have flashed their boobs. I think it happened a few times to David Blaine when he was doing that glass box stunt (anyone remember that?). That sort of thing. But I have never, ever heard of a woman flashing her boobs to shock or INTIMIDATE. I'm not saying it's acceptable, but when it's done, it usually seems to be for giggles.

I guess the assumption is that men will like it, whereas women won't.

Domino20 · 27/04/2018 18:36

About 10 years ago I had the misfortune to come across a 'dirty' flasher. This involves shiting in public places. So grim. I was so bemused it took me a few hours to decide to call the police, apparently I wasn't the only one to report him. Yuck.

Kettlepotblack · 27/04/2018 18:39

This thread is so depressing.

A dirty flasher? Shitting in public? To intimidate and shock?

I really thought I'd heard most things but it never ceases to depress me how fucking sick some people are.

TheJoyOfSox · 27/04/2018 18:43

Ive always thought it more of a power trip from very inadequate men. They want to shock and upset women and girls, usually because of the element of surprise they do shock.

A tut and an eye roll is enough to send them scuttling away, but that’s if you don’t laugh first. Much easier for us more mature ladies than it is for a teen or child.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 18:44

I've spoken to a lot of people who work or have worked in clothing retail, and an alarming number of them have experience of people pissing or shitting in the changing cubicles. Enough so that I think it must be an actual kink.

pasanda · 27/04/2018 18:48

I was flashed at in 6th form, many moons ago.

He typically did it on a Tuesday so me and a friend decided to walk down that path on a Tuesday. He was there. Dirty man.

We chased him across the park into a builders site and asked the builders if they had seen him. They denied it, protecting their mate from mad 18 year olds I guess!

He never did it again - at that place anyway. Probably found somewhere else instead.

I reckon these pathetic men would all panic if we always chased after them!!!

PuppyMonkey · 27/04/2018 18:54

It’s never happened to me, I’m glad to say. But I hope I’d be able to take a photo and go straight to a police station to report. Like PP say, this is not remotely amusing - these pervs are usually on the sex offenders register.

tierraJ · 27/04/2018 18:58

As an HCA in a hospital I seem to have come across quite a few men who like to show their bits; usually sat in a chair or in bed in boxers that don't seem to fit them properly.
I tend strategically place a towel on them and say 'I'm maintaining your dignity'.

I'm never sure if they are doing it for kicks or if they really can't be arsed to wear underwear that fits them!

wrenika · 27/04/2018 19:00

I think they must just get a buzz out of it. I don't see what they can possibly think is impressive about it though...there's nothing quite as unattractive as human genitals flopping in the breeze, be it male or female! Equally, I can't say that seeing someone's penis would bother me one way or the other...it's unlikely to be much to look at.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 19:05

I don't think they're trying to impress. Quite the opposite, shock and horror is what they're going for.

Cheerymom · 27/04/2018 19:05

Having grown up beside a beach, flashers were very regular while out walking or in gangs of girls, never when the boys were with us. we never feared them and laughed and I continued to see them, sometime masturbating, until about the late nineties. I think the arrival of mobile phones and cameras had an effect. I worked in a girls school and a few times flashers waited outside, usually in winters in cars without any clothes on from the waist down. And then various isolated incidents, on a ferry once and the cinema. I was having a conversation about it recently and male friends couldn't believe the stories we females had about 'flashers'.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 19:08

Talk to your male friends about women's experiences with men in general, especially while growing up, and you'll often find they're utterly horrified.

I had to explain to a male friend a while ago why women take rape threats on Twitter etc seriously. Once he realised how often women are harassed and assaulted in public, he understood. They don't see it, but we do - how very, very many men like to intimidate and frighten us. So when they start coming through anonymous channels threatening us, we have no trouble believing they would do it if they thought they could get away with it. Why wouldn't we? Unlike men, we know exactly how many of them think this way, because so many of them make no secret of it.

Original poster

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/04/2018 19:18

So when they start coming through anonymous channels threatening us,

That’s so true. I had this argument with a family member who was like “well just ignore it. It’s only words”. But because we know of many instances where it’s not just words, the words have more effect IYSWIM.

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