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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I speak out of turn?

38 replies

daphneduck · 27/04/2018 15:28

I was out for lunch on Sunday with some friends.

I’m 5 months pregnant with my second and my DD is 2. At lunch one of the girls asked me if I wanted to have a baby shower and I said no. She probed me as to why I didn’t want one and I said that they weren’t my thing, I didn’t have one with my first and with my second we already have lots of things we can reuse like pram, cot, Moses basket, baby bath etc. She went on like Mrs bloody Doyle ah go on go on go on. I had to be firm eventually and just say that I wasn’t a fan and it wouldn’t be happening.

I realised as I said this that one of the girls had a baby shower last year and was looking at me like a wounded puppy. I feel awful but I didn’t want to be forced into having a baby shower when I don’t like them and cannot stand the idea of having one for myself.

WIBU to just tell the truth when continually asked?

OP posts:
ClaryFray · 27/04/2018 15:30

Yanbu.

It's her issue not yours.

I hate them too. It's an American thing that's made it way.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 27/04/2018 15:32

Shame she didn't do a Mrs Doyle and fall out a window!!

jessicasmummy04 · 27/04/2018 15:34

YANBU

You said YOU wouldn't like one for YOURSELF.. Simple... doesnt mean other can not have one and you wont go you just dont want one for your baby..

Dont feel bad.

iterativeConstruct · 27/04/2018 15:36

No. They're shit.

Piffle11 · 27/04/2018 15:36

YANBU. I hate it when people try and pressure me into doing something I clearly don't want to do. Good for you for standing firm.

TawnyPort · 27/04/2018 15:37

Meh. If she's bothered that's her problem. There are lots of things I'm not a fan of but I don't care what anyone else does.

DaveswifeDawn · 27/04/2018 15:38

YANBU

we really need to take a stand against baby showers.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 27/04/2018 15:40

If you'd sat there and said no they're boring, crabby, attention seeking (which imo they are) in front of a friend who had had one it might be a bit out of line. It sounds like what you said was perfectly reasonable though.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 27/04/2018 15:40

Grabby!

Lifeontheoceanwave · 27/04/2018 15:41

No they’re yet another crap import from the USA

TooTrueToBeGood · 27/04/2018 15:41

If you responded as you describe there's no reason for the other mum to take offense. You said they were not your thing and that you weren't a fan, not that you think they're shit/ridiculous etc. It's comparable to describing a meal you don't like as being not to your taste rather than saying it's disgusting.

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/04/2018 15:43

I don't think you spoke out of turn at all. The friend that was trying to pressure you after you said No did. Goodness forbid you don't want to have a baby shower party. It's not complusory nor an insult to others that do!

Lealea248 · 27/04/2018 15:43

I feel exactly the same way about baby showers. I’d go to a friends one to be supposrtive but I wouldn’t have one myself. You’re not out of line at all, your friend shouldn’t keep pressing

DanceDisaster · 27/04/2018 15:47

You just said you “weren’t a fan” of baby showers? And she looked like a wounded puppy Confused?

Different if you’d gone off on one, totally slagging them off or something. That would have been a bit of a whoops, but not a totally unforgivable one, seeing as you were being pressured into having one when you’d already said no thanks.

The80sweregreat · 27/04/2018 15:53

i dont blame you and i am glad it wasnt a ' thing' when i had my two.

loads of our friends all had babies in a 4 year period and it was bad enough paying out to to go the weddings years before let alone all that for the babies too. people did buy me presents after they were born and i did the same, thats enough really, nice to get some presents or whatever after they are born.

pigmcpigface · 27/04/2018 15:54

I suspect, reading between the lines, that the OP did say one or two choice things against babyshowers! If that's the case, I think maybe you could have handled it a bit more sensitively, especially as you ended up wounding someone who wasn't pressuring you! E.g.

"I understand that other women like them - I remember Becca's one being absolutely amazing, and I love attending as a friend. But it's not for me personally - I hate being the centre of attention, it's just not my thing. I'd love to do X instead, can we do that?"

Gemini69 · 27/04/2018 15:56

Hey.. you don't like them.. you wouldn't enjoy one... nothing wrong with that... just like your friend did enjoy hers.. each to their own Flowers

Original poster
daphneduck · 27/04/2018 15:57

pig

Errrrrr no...I didn’t say anymore than I’ve put on my OP.

OP posts:
Oowatchasay · 27/04/2018 15:57

Nope. There's a silly notion that if you're in the company of others you mustn't have a differing opinion incase you offend someone. Just because YOU don't want a baby shower doesn't mean you think someone else shouldn't. Unfortunately that's how women seem to think because they are mental, and is why I don't keep female friends close.

snaggers · 27/04/2018 15:58

YANBU!

You shouldn't feel pressured into something you really don't want, and they really are a naff import anyway! Wink

Knitjob · 27/04/2018 15:59

YWNBU. Your friend should have stopped asking once you had said no. Some people just don't know when to stop.

pigmcpigface · 27/04/2018 16:00

Sorry for misinterpreting daphne! It's just that when people say "I had to be firm eventually and just say that I wasn’t a fan" they usually mean "I had to be firm eventually, and said they were a tacky waste of time and I wouldn't be seen dead having one". Which is a bit different. Clearly that's not the case for you, though!

TomRavenscroft · 27/04/2018 16:01

YANBU. Fuck's sake, what's wrong with some people? Surely it goes:

'Are you having a baby shower?'
'No.'
'Oh, how come?'
'They're just not my thing. And I don't need any new stuff anyway.'
'Yeah, cool. Is anyone having another coffee?'

Some people are just waiting for something to be hurt or offended by.

ReanimatedSGB · 27/04/2018 16:01

I can't see anything wrong in what you said, and the wounded puppy sounds like she needs to get the fuck over herself.

And I don't mind baby showers. Friends arranged one for me when I was PG and it was lovely. But I don't demand that other people do them if they don't want to.

Trinity66 · 27/04/2018 16:02

YANBU I never had any either

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