Did I speak out of turn?

[daphneduck]

I was out for lunch on Sunday with some friends.

I’m 5 months pregnant with my second and my DD is 2. At lunch one of the girls asked me if I wanted to have a baby shower and I said no. She probed me as to why I didn’t want one and I said that they weren’t my thing, I didn’t have one with my first and with my second we already have lots of things we can reuse like pram, cot, Moses basket, baby bath etc. She went on like Mrs bloody Doyle ah go on go on go on. I had to be firm eventually and just say that I wasn’t a fan and it wouldn’t be happening.

I realised as I said this that one of the girls had a baby shower last year and was looking at me like a wounded puppy. I feel awful but I didn’t want to be forced into having a baby shower when I don’t like them and cannot stand the idea of having one for myself.

WIBU to just tell the truth when continually asked?

Nice sexist generalisation there Ooowhatsasay

YANBU. You weren't rude, you just said it wasn't for you.

Good thing they asked first though. The only babyshowers I've been to have been surprises for the pregnant woman. (one when she was 8.5 months and brought into a houseful of friends she didn't know were there - could have sent her into labour, I guess!) They all seemed pleased by them but I'm with you, I'd have been cringing (though I would be grateful for the thought and effort and feel loved I suppose)

Btw, I don’t want to freak anyone out, but I had two baby showers thrown for me and they were complete surprises. The first, with dc1, I didn’t expect because I’d never been to one. The second, with dc2, I didn’t expect because I thought they were only for first babies! Both times everybody kept it totally to themselves and I even saw the friends in question a couple of weeks prior to the second one, so I never thought they’d be planning a baby shower on top of the previous meet up.

It could happen to you too.... dun, dun, DUN!

PS: I didn’t mind. They were actually really fun and low key.

Was it wounded puppy woman's first child?

I mean I can see the whole baby shower thing for first babies, but, like you said, for your second you've already got everything.

YWNBU! Everyone is different and you didn't bring it up yourself or try to offend.

But I want to ask people if their issue with baby showers is just the grabby element? I am having one for my first but I have everything I need so I don't want presents, and I/the godmother are hosting it at my place (godmother planning it with me) and I will be paying for all the food and booze obviously, so it's really just a nice party to celebrate the baby. Is this not fine? Just seen a lot of baby shower hate and wanted to know why.

I have only been to one baby shower - the mother in question invited 6 friends and demanded we split the cost of her bugaboo as a gift. And provided wilted hams and flat, warm prosecco at her place in exchange - I found that very grabby and unpleasant.

YANBU

willynilly - for me personally, no, it's not that I think they're 'grabby'. I would buy a friend a present when they had a baby anyway and, usually, they haven't been organised by the mother-to-be herself anyway so I don't see any 'grabbiness'.

It's more that I would just be so mortified by all that attention and focus on me and the bump. The games that are so centred around you/the baby (guess its name/weight/due date, write a message/advice for the mum etc) would give me a panic attack. I couldn't cope with the idea of a hen do or a wedding for the same reason. A birthday party is different because, once you've got your present/drink/hug or whatever, it's just a gathering of friends having fun.
'Organised Fun Around the Theme of Me' - that's what I think my objection is!

I don't mind other people's.

You were not being at all U.

I don't like them though largely because I'm superstitious and to me it's tempting Fate to give presents before the baby's arrived safely. I didn't buy anything for Gdcs until they were here, and only the bare minimum for my own two - baby showers still had to cross the pond then.

Though with my cunning hat on, there's one great advantage to being given things you don't really want or need - make a careful note of who gave what and store away to give to family/friend new babies in future.

I’ve been invited to one but my reason for not going is

‘I don’t want to be well wishing before the event.’

I don’t go into details unless pushed but a friend had a baby shower and sadly the baby didn’t survive. 😨😨😨

I really don’t like them.

People should stop being offended so easily. They're not your thing. They are some people's thing. Each to their own. I have no desire to have one for myself but have enjoyed the couple I've attended which were low key and involved copious cake.

I got the feeling from this they might be trying to arrange a surprise one for you?

I never had one for either of mine. Just not my thing.

I don’t go into details unless pushed but a friend had a baby shower and sadly the baby didn’t survive.

Gosh that is so horrendous!!!!!!!

But 99% of babies will be born without problem, so it would be a shame not to celebrate or enjoy out of fear for what might happen (but is unlikely to). Same with anything in life really.

I think baby showers are lovely. I didn't want one. The fact that you don't want one doesn't mean you begrudge others. She'd be daft to think otherwise.

More American ‘tradition ‘ to make other people money! Do what you think is best for you.