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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my SIL should keep her opinions about my parents to herself

57 replies

mastertomsmum · 27/04/2018 13:49

My SIL has informed me that she thinks my parents are odd and implied that my bro agrees with her.

Apparently, they 'don't have any friends' and 'don't get out and about and do anything'.

So, they are both nearly 90. My dad still drives, but only locally. My mother is visually impaired. They go out and about for coffee and walks at the local NT place. They have lunch out.

It's true that they don't drive over to where SIL lives and they don't have not been on holiday for a few years. But they are quite old and quite active.

They no longer do dinner parties, but I'm not sure I think that's such a big deal. They do sometimes make lunch for family.

As for no friends, well many of them have passed away or are not still living independently. They do see people but they do coffee out not trips to the theatre. I see it as winding down.

Also, they are happy and get help with household tasks enabling them to stay in their house.

Feel she is judging them too much based on the one other elderly lady she knows who is remarkably adventurous and still going on cruises at 87. Oh and also a couple of yrs younger.

OP posts:
pigmcpigface · 27/04/2018 14:36

I'm wondering if there's something more to the "she thinks my parents are odd" side of this. Because, on the face of it, there's nothing abnormal at all about your parents. If your side of it really is all there is, she is being really unreasonable and unrealistic.

However, if their behaviour to her was really horrible in some other way AND they also regularly offend other people to the point that no-one actually wants to socialise with them, then pointing out that they are "odd" means something very different.

BuntyII · 27/04/2018 14:38

YANBU she's a cock

scaryteacher · 27/04/2018 14:42

My Mum is beginning to find that her friends are dying in her, given the amount of funerals she seems to have attended this year, and she is only 77. I expect, like the Queen, that by 90 most of your friends have died.

I expect your sil has been asked to do something for them, or they won't do something for her, and she resents it.

plominoagain · 27/04/2018 14:43

She might know someone who’s out there doing cruises at 87 , but once you reach that stage of life, it doesn’t take very much to suddenly stop you doing all that kind of thing , whether it’s illness , or a fall , or a nasty event . My grandfather went to Macchu Picchu in his eighties , went hill walking , was a very active man . Then he had a minor bump in his car, got hit from behind but the damage caused was more than the car’s value , so it got written off . Knocked his confidence sufficiently that he didn’t get another , and relied on friends and taxis for transport , so he suddenly became much less self sufficient . He aged about thirty years overnight .

And if they’re happy doing what they’re doing , so bloody what ? She should keep her trap shut , and see where she is when she’s 90 .

thecatsthecats · 27/04/2018 14:45

Nothing to do with their ages, she's just a cow.

My BIL is rude about my parents (who are oddballs!). He expects me to join in his asides about them - in their own home!

Then my sister wonders 'why they don't like him' (obvious), 'why you're the favourite' (I don't act like a brat), and 'why they like your fiance better' (because he's a sweetheart who behaves impeccably).

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 27/04/2018 14:48

She sounds lovely not. Confused
I hope you contradicted her.

dotdotdotmustdash · 27/04/2018 14:51

My Dad is 87 and his life has become much quieter over the past couple of years. He generally ventures out only on dry afternoons and spends a fair amount of time snoozing in front of the tv.

I'm just glad he's still around to do that.

RideOn · 27/04/2018 14:52

Just by your OP title I would say yes, what ever they were doing!

They are not odd, I'd be glad for me and DH to be alive and to be independent in our 80s and choose if we get "out and about" and you are right, a lot of people they will have know will now have died or not be fit to meet up/go out with them.

CoolCarrie · 27/04/2018 15:04

Tell her to fuck off, cheeky thoughtless bint!

hdh747 · 27/04/2018 15:05

I really really hope my life is like that when I'm nearly 90.

Madwithjealousy · 27/04/2018 15:08

Bloody hell, they do more than me !

Aprilmightbemynewname · 27/04/2018 15:08

Sounds like she is envious its likely you will live to enjoy a ripe old age too!!

Deathraystare · 27/04/2018 15:09

Does she expect them to go clubbing ffs?

Mightymucks · 27/04/2018 15:10

Tell her they just don’t tell her about their absinthe, bungee and MDMA weekends because she might want to come and they think she’s boring.

TomRavenscroft · 27/04/2018 15:12

They have a livelier social life than me and I'm 43 Grin

What does your DH think of his sister's comments? Either he needs to tell her to wind her neck in, or you do.

IrmaFayLear · 27/04/2018 15:21

Another here who was thinking, Gosh, they do a lot!

I agree that is so annoying when all elderly people are judged against the exception. For every 100-year-old driving about and socialising , there are thousands who are slumped in nursing homes. Mil started getting dementia at about 80 and at 90 was a cabbage. It upsets dh when people talk as if failing health and particularly brain are your fault, rather than largely a lottery.

picklemepopcorn · 27/04/2018 15:30

Don't rise to it. Just smile and say, 'they're happy as they are.'.
Don't argue, it just gives her the excuse to keep going on about it.

Lots of neutral responses like 'D'you think?' and '90, I should be so lucky' 'they're great, aren't they'.

Smile and change the subject.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 27/04/2018 15:31

Your SIL is either incredibly dim or a bitch. Was she deliberately trying to hurt you by saying something so nasty about your parents. I wonder how she would feel if someone said the same about her parents. I think your parents sound amazing for their age. My own Mum stopped entertaining for all the family in her eighties and also only drove to the local doctors and supermarket & I thought that was good given her age. If anyone had said anything so derogatory about my parents I would have (verbally) wiped the floor with them.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 15:42

Good grief. At 90 they're allowed to do what the bloody hell they like.

Is she known for being a dick?

MrsJayy · 27/04/2018 15:47

I thought they were 60s/70s ( not that it matters ) but at nearly 90 I think they are doing just fine and your sil is being an arse does she realise their age or does her nearly 90 parents go Skydiving on the weekend or something?

diddl · 27/04/2018 15:48

In what way does she think that they are odd?

Surely it can't just be that they don't get out & about as much as she thinks they could/should?

What difference does it make to her?

pigmcpigface · 27/04/2018 15:50

I'm bemused too diddl. Something just doesn't add up here.

WeirdCatLady · 27/04/2018 16:10

If they are happy then that’s all that matters. Your sil sounds like a total bitch.

Original poster
mastertomsmum · 27/04/2018 16:21

She’s ever busy and her house is always full of friends, she tends to expect everyone to be the same. If they don’t have visitors they are out.

I’d say I’m sociable but don’t have to see every film or show.

She pops in on my parents but they won’t drive 90 miles now. To be honest who is still driving at 90! Dad does well to be driving around town.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 16:42

Is she worried that she's going to have to look out for them?