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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not reply....

64 replies

jomialola · 26/04/2018 11:57

First post so please bear with me... and its a bit of a long story ! My MIL left my husband when he was 18 months old and went to live in New Zealand with another man. There was no contact between them for 20yrs or so and then his cousin got in contact and we all started talking. She came over here and tried to explain her reasons for leaving and then we visited her. My husband then decided he couldnt forgive her but I kept in contact with her mainly for the sake of our children. I then received an email from her last week saying she has made a pact with herself that she is through doing things for other people and she is now acknowledging defeat and withdrawing from it all. We can still see what each other are doing via facebook but it is now time for her to move on. So......I'm stuck between writing back to her saying what about my kids and being cross or just not replying at all....Please be kind

OP posts:

bonnyshide · 26/04/2018 13:45

Actually on second thought I prefer @Sammymommy response. Cold and clinical, robbing her of any power she had.

Or no response at all, so she'll never know what you thought. Just block her and delete.

Lemontart25 · 26/04/2018 13:56

Wow how utterly awful.

I would reply "Funny, from what I know you seem to have only done things for yourself for over 20 years! Nothing much changed there then! I'm actually surprised it has taken you this long... good luck with that anyway & do refrain from contracting any of us again even in another 20 years. Also no need to lurk from a far via fb to pretend to others you still have a heart. We will be blocking you out as you did to your DC at 18 months."

I am sorry she is so horrid OP but in all truthfulness if she could treat her own 18 month old baby like that. Then there really is no way she would bat an eyelid at do8ng the same to your DC.

Bumblesnuff4Crimpysnitch · 26/04/2018 14:01

Reply "such a shame, what bad timing as I had the most amazing thing to share with you" and then maybe, accidentally of course, send her an email meant for someone else, about that lottery win you are so disappointed not to be able to share with certain unnamed family members.

AntipodeanOpalEye · 26/04/2018 14:06

Just block her OP. To be honest her absence from your DC's lives will probably not even be questioned by them.

RoseWhiteTips · 26/04/2018 14:08

Nah. She is clearly not sorry at all. Forget her.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2018 14:13

TheViceOfReason
Use that response.
It's perfect.
Sorry she's turned out to be like this AGAIN.
Your poor DH.

Godowneasy · 26/04/2018 14:36

I wouldn't be able to resist asking what she thinks she 's actually done 'to be through with doing things for other people'.

Is this aimed at you and your family? I'd have to find out and reply in full before deciding what to do about it beyond that.

Jux · 26/04/2018 16:16

Nah, waste of space, selfish, unkind. Tell her the 'history repeating itself then' thing and block from everything.

Failingat40 · 26/04/2018 16:35

Bloody hell op! Does you dh know that you've been carrying on a relationship with his mother despite his wishes not to?!

I think it's very wrong of you tbh.

Your dh didn't have his own mother in his life so why should his children?

She lives so far away, having any kind of 'relationship' with her serves absolutely no purpose other than to ease her own conscience.

I can't believe you even have to ask whether to reply to her or not. That is one very selfish hard hearted woman.

VanillaPriscilla · 26/04/2018 16:41

don't reply , what's the point
people like this feed off drama

FlyingElbows · 26/04/2018 16:56

Op, don't throw your children under that bus. It is your job, your obligation as their mother, to stand between them and the emotional damage that comes from women like your Mil. It doesn't matter how much you wish it, or try to make it be, she will never be the fantasy grandma that might make up for the absent mother (unfortunately people from functioning families really seem to struggle with this idea). Her recent communication makes it very clear that she's her own priority. Don't let your kids become caught in the inevitable web of emotional drama and manipulation that surrounds people like tgat.

AmericanBiscuits · 26/04/2018 17:03

She is a piece. I wouldn't reply at all. She doesn't deserve any more of your head space.

2andcountingtodate · 26/04/2018 17:22

I would just block her and ignore. She wants a response so she can have her pity party. Dont give her one.

Troels · 26/04/2018 17:42

I wouldn't reply, just delete and block her. Nasty woman.

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