Coughing and snotting lady on the train

[Greggers2017]

Just got the train to work as I'm working in a different location today. I was sat next to a lady on the train who was obviously full of cold; constantly sniffing and coughing without putting her hand over her mouth 😷
I assumed she didn't have a tissue on her, so I offered her a tissue from a packet I had in my handbag and she had a go at me.
Said she couldn't help having a cold and it was hard going to work feeling like crap, and I had no need to make her feel like leper 😳
She then got up and moved away from me tutting as she went.
How bizarre, I thought I was only being helpful. WIBU?

She was BU, not you. Not using a tissue or covering your mouth when unwell is particularly skanky and I make no apologies for using that word. It is absolutely VILE.

I'm sorry but that's almost laughable. Doing a stormin Norman like a 13 year old.
People they never cease to amaze.

Storming Norman I am using this phrase my one insists on doing this all the time at the minute 😂

YWNBU! At least she went away from you!

YWBU to just hand a tissue. You should have asked if she would like one. Just handing one over looked a bit bossy like you were demanding she stop sniffing.

I don't enjoy being around sniffers and sneezers on public transport either but I've been the person with a terrible cold who had to get home (the cold started while away), and no amount of nose blowing would stop the streaming from my nose. I tried everything. This woman across the aisle kept glaring at me every time I sniffed, and I felt like saying 'it's either sniff or let a river of snot flow' but I felt so ashamed, I ended up just sat with a tissue to my nose to absorb it for a couple of hours!

It was awful.

I always presume people who are like that have already tried what they can and it's just such a rotten cold they can't do any better. Blowing your nose doesn't always help and sniffing is the only solution sometimes.

You'd have been kind to offer a tissue but even that comes with a strong message of 'shut the fuck up with your sniffing', giving one without asking is even worse. I prefer to try sit on my own irritation in those circumstances to be kind to someone who is clearly feeling ill and rubbish instead of making them feel worse.

TAO. (There's always one) .

Is that one me, spider?

That was no lady. Very unpleasant.

If the cap fits, limon.

I'm guessing you're new here, welcome!

The whole point of the forum is that people start threads for others to respond to with their own thoughts and experiences.

You might gain a little more respect if you direct passive aggressive comments to the poster it's regarding though, instead of snidely commenting about them to nobody.

DNBU. I’ve offered tissues before and will again.

Stay home, don’t share your germs.

If that’s not possible then at least be hygienic and make sure you do have tissues/antibacterial gel/flame thrower/anything that will limit you spreading whatever ails you. It’s not rocket science, it’s basic consideration for everyone else you’ll come into contact with.

I presume the OP didn't just shove a tissue at ColdLady. OP did say that she offered one, not insist that ColdLady cease & desist all cold related activities...

ColdLady was rude - although was probably extremely aware she shouldn't be going to work & sharing germs. She's potentially got an employer with a stupid sickness absence policy, many of us do.

I offered her a tissue from a packet I didn't force one into her hand

Oh op, I am so sensitive to people being ill now, now I have to take care of people and people rely on me I am paranoid about coughs and sniffs!

She probably felt rotten. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don't judge.

@sonjadog why should I give her the benefit of the doubt if she felt rotten? She had a go at me for asking her if she wanted a tissue and she was coughing all over everybody. I will judge her for that most definitely but I wouldn't say anything to her about that. You can't take it out on other people if you feel ill. If she didn't want the tissue, a simple no thank you would have been fine.

Okay, you want to judge. So go for it. Personally, when I encounter a stranger who reacts in an inappropriate way to me, I think that they may have things going on in their lives that make them behave in that way, lashing out at a stranger. I go for compassion in the situation, you go for judgement. Each to their own.

@sonjadog I'm very compassionate you have to be in my line of work. So she may have a lot going on, my partners had an op, I've got a mole on my neck that needs a biopsy, I'm struggling to conceive, my car has broken down and my childminder is poorly. Would I ever dream of taking that out on other people? No I certainly wouldn't. If someone was kind to me and said would you like a tissue or would you like my seat, I would simply smile and say no thank you. That's what people do.

Not everyone copes as brilliantly and competently as you, OP. Some people have more on their plays than they can handle, and snap. If you did it, I'm sure you'd want someone to be understanding and let it go, knowing that as a fellow human you probably have your reasons.

She snapped verbally, and got up and left. While probably feeling rubbish, and with who knows what else going on in her life? Perhaps she has been given more than she can deal with, or you were the third person that morning making a point of highlighting her cold. Maybe she'd much rather be in bed but has no choice but to get up and go to a shit job she hates or she'll lose her crappy zero hour contract job and be on the streets.

You may scoff and think I'm exaggerating but you truly don't know what others are going through. You sound a little sure tbh that you would 'never take it out on other people' but you fail to realise not everyone is the same, and a momentary lapse of manners on her part doesn't make you any better than her.

More on their plate*

That's what people do clearly, your experience today proved your universal rule of 'that's what people do' wrong.

Sometimes people have a lot going on, sometimes people are just skanky tramps who have no manners!

I hope that her work colleagues were treated better than her ungrateful response to you.

Is “skanky” a bad word to use on MN?

YANBU. I hate it when people don't cover their mouths when they cough ~ there's no excuse for having disgusting manners.

To be fair you already passed judgment on her before you gave her the tissue, I don't think you were being genuine, I think you didn't want to catch her cold so offered her the tissue.
I think she had a go because she clearly sensed you weren't doing it to be genuinely kind or sympathetic.

People can't help getting ill you know. You could of just moved.