To think actually things do get easier?

[Bumpitybumper]

I always notice whenever I moan about my toddler's antics to parents of older children that they make sympathetic noises but caution that 'it doesn't get easier, just different'. AIBU to think actually it does get easier as children grow up?

I accept that each child is different and will have stages and ages that are more challenging than others, but surely generally older children (excluding teenagers) are easier to parent than toddlers? I also don't think a toddler compares to the life consuming early days of a newborn so can say that things have certainly got easier since those very early days.

Sorry, but I find it harder! Sure, physically and logistically easier as they get their own shoes on, take themselves to the loo, strap themselves in etc. But fuck me they can argue. I had two quite close together (21 month gap) and didn't find the baby/toddler stage massively hard. As a nigh on 6 and 8 yr old? Mentally harder. They're great kids, nicely behaved and fun to be around, but I do find it challenging. They're home educated so obviously that adds another dimension.

Have a 6 month old as well and he is by far my easiest child right now. 😂

I find the needs of older kids more complex and harder to satisfy I guess

My life got about a million times better as soon as my dc started consistently sleeping through the night. Now they are 5 and 6 and life is a dream, definitely so much easier and more pleasurable!

I bloody love having a 16 year old, even in exam term.

Better still is a 16 year old with an older sibling who loves being the family taxi.

*It is complete bullshit - Mine are 10, 9 and 4 and it's a fucking breeze now.

Yep. This.*

Not my experience. Sorry. I have 13, 13 and 9 yr olds. I loved, loved, loved the baby stage. Yes it was physically tough, it was full on but it was fun!

Agree with a p.p. At 7pm, the evening was your own. The weekends were for family stuff. I was in control .

Now, they're up until about 9-10pm (we get about an hour before we go to bed). 3 at 3 different schools, weekends revolve around driving to never ending sporting fixtures and trying to remember the multitude of social arrangements. Trying to manage social media / homework / hormones - god the hormones!

Don't get me wrong, seeing them grow up, having grown up conversations and seeing them develop wit / etc is fab but emotionally it's much harder than when they're younger.

Families are different, circumstances are different.

Another thing that differs is what you find exhausting as a parent. I know quite a few people who struggle with the backchat and defiance of older children. I mind the backchat all that much, but I did hate the 3yo whining stage.

From the time they can do up their own seatbelts it is a breeze.

They're not as cute, but life in general is sooooo much easier with school-aged children than with toddlers and babies.

Mine are 7 and 3 and it def does get easier. The toddler years are hell on earth lol

YADNBU!! My friend and I were having this conversation the other day. We both have a 4yo and a 1yo each. Both our 1yo babies do not sleep through the night (on the contrary, they're awake 4-5 times), are quite boisterous and can't be left alone for a moment, totally exhausting and neither of us dare venture out for a meal as the babies are nightmares when they have to sit still.

The 4yo girls are somewhere in between angelic and a nightmare - but my god they are SO much easier than the babies! They can play alone, won't swallow bottle lids, can talk to us, have a level of understanding, they are funny and kind and we can go to the loo without them.

I look forward to the days where I have an 8yo who will happily play in her room, bath herself, eat nicely anywhere we go, someone I can go and leave while I shower, and most importantly sleeps through the night!

I don't see for a minute how a 8yo could be harder than a baby. And I'm not saying every 8yo is easier than every baby, I'm talking your median 1yo/8yo. When people say that, it doesn't get easier, it's total bollocks

From watching friends/family, it's both easier and harder. Physically and esp from a tiredness perspective, the baby and toddler years are the hardest. But you know what they want and you can meet their needs. As they get older, it's much more emotionally draining, esp if they are unhappy at school. Plus you miss the baby years when they're gone - my SIL adores her children, but says she can't help grieving in a nostalgic way for the babies that they were and the time when mummy was everything.

My DD1 was a dream baby, but my god, we've hit 2.5 and the terrible testing boundary pushing twos with a massive vengeance . I'm torn between wanting her to get a bit older and already being sad that she's growing up far too quickly!

I think this should be resurrected in a few years time to see if people have changed their minds!!!!

Mine are soon to turn 4 and 2, so I've yet to fully test my belief it gets easier, but that certainly seems the case so far. For me there was a sudden noticeable improvement at 1yo and 3yo.
What I do maintain however, is even if it does become 'different' rather than easier, everything is easier when you're finally getting enough sleep... (still waiting for that)

For me it’s got harder & harder but partly because DD9 is likely to be on the spectrum ( we have started the ball rolling for tests). She can be incredibly challenging but I enjoy her at this age - clever, hilarious, passionate, quirky.

What is it they say? When your kids are little they make your arms ache but when they are older they make your heart ache.

I have a 9, 8, 6 and a 16 month toddler. The older ones are much easier! The toddler is full on needing 24/7 supervision, and doesn’t sleep through the night still. I remember this age between 1-2 bring hard work with all of them. Definitely gets easier about 2.5ish -3 once they have better language and are a bit less impulsive although the younger toddler stage is very cute! I’m sure teenagers will bring their own challenges, but primary school age is like the golden years. Old enough to entertain themselves and be independent but still young enough to want to spend time with parents and enjoy childish things

DS is now 3.5 and it's far easier than the baby days. He can tell you what he wants/what's upsetting him, go to the loo by himself, get dressed, feed himself etc etc. and most importantly he SLEEPS generally

Plus I enjoy time with him more now, he chats away and is really funny. With him (first baby) I just often felt anxious because I didn't know what I was doing, plus I was fucking knackered.

Am due DC2 in 2 months and it's slowly dawning on me that we are going back into the abyss of newborn sleep deprivation 😱 Though I am hoping that 2nd time round I won't be as neurotic/stressed out about the baby stage.

I think it gets easier, and then it gets back to being at least as hard, but in very different ways.

That's why I'm so appreciative of being in the 'easier' window right now.

Thanks for all your responses. Definitely a bit of a mixed bag. Things I'm going to take away from this thread are:

1. For the majority things do seen to get easier
2. Be prepared for the emotional and logistical challenge of older kids and teens
3. It's all very dependent on your child's and your own personality
4. It's also maybe dependent on your own situation. Possibly SAHMs take the brunt of the constant physical demands of a baby/toddler whilst WOHMs would struggle with more complex childcare arrangements at school age.

Not sure - I found the baby days super easy (sorry everyone) and toddlerdom quite straining but not terribly so; certainly post toddler is getting easier because she gets more self sufficient every day, but teenagedom terrifies me. I'm so bad at dealing with interpersonal relationships and feel like I've made a fuck up of life so far, so when she crashes into all these issues and hates me, what possible help can I be? :( Hopefully she'll be a nice teenager....

I have had 4 piss easy babies, that then turned into disastrous toddlers. But so far the 5-10 age group is proving rather effortless, am not looking forward to the angst of teenage years though, a move from physical to mental hardwork!

Mine are 8 and 9 and certainly the last 4/5 years have been significantly easier than the first few! Neither slept well and DS2 was a very poorly baby so whilst I adored them it was physically and mentally stressful and tiring.

Now they are just delightful, get on well the majority of the time, no behavior issues, independent enough to shower/dress/feed themselves. I love spending time with them! Both DH and I are savoring this time as we know there will be harder times to come in the teenage years........

I think with a toddler, once they are fed, bathed and in bed, you can have a sigh of relief and think job well done. With older ones, they go to bed and you are still awake worrying about school problems, friendship problems, bullying etc. Obviously, in a lot of cases, it can be the other way round- harder toddler then an easy ride with an older child.
Each stage has its own problems and rewards!