To think actually things do get easier?

[Bumpitybumper]

I always notice whenever I moan about my toddler's antics to parents of older children that they make sympathetic noises but caution that 'it doesn't get easier, just different'. AIBU to think actually it does get easier as children grow up?

I accept that each child is different and will have stages and ages that are more challenging than others, but surely generally older children (excluding teenagers) are easier to parent than toddlers? I also don't think a toddler compares to the life consuming early days of a newborn so can say that things have certainly got easier since those very early days.

Yes it does get easier. People used to say it doesn't when DC were babies and I didn't believe them. I was right not to, in my case anyway.

It gets easier in many ways and 5-11 are good years. Teens can be great fun but some of the emotional stuff that goes on and the worry are pretty hard tbh.

It is complete bullshit - Mine are 10, 9 and 4 and it's a fucking breeze now.

Yep. This.

Totally depends on the child - I had an incredibly easy baby who became an incredibly easy toddler - I've never had a disturbed night, slept 7pm - 7am from day one, he self settled, happy to be left alone, loved being with other people, loved playschool etc etc etc. Always happy, smiling and sleeping .

Then it got harder .......... and harder ........... and now as the mother of a teenager, sobbing my heart out as I find it the most difficult stage of all - and he's honestly probably not that much of a 'difficult' teenager.

Have an 18 year old and a one year old. Each age is annoying in different ways. Ages 9-12 are the worst.

I found the baby days relatively easy but from 8 months to 2 years exhausting and relentless. Potty training, teething, crawling, walking, etc. Once they turn 2-ish I think it starts to get easier again. My eldest is 3 so only time will tell what the future holds for us!

It depends on the child and on your own circumstances and stress levels.
The physical side is definitely easier but my two are 10 & 6 and I am finding parenting very difficult. Although not great sleepers, they were pretty easygoing as babies and toddlers, not really prone to tantrums or whinging.
Now they are both stubborn and argumentative and the mental strain is huge. Eldest has dyspraxia and is very emotional, youngest fits the personality type of the ‘highly sensitive child’ and is very hard work.
Also, I worked full time from when they were 6/7 months so if I was comparing being a SAHM to toddlers v school age dcs I might feel differently.

Definitely gets easier. Although mine aren’t teenagers yet so I may be speaking too soon.

For those saying it is easier can you pinpoint the age where it started to notably improve or was it a more gradual thing?

For me (having healthy, neurotypical-ish ones) the turning point has come around the age of 3: they can express themselves without tantrums, they can wipe their own bums reliably, they can mostly sleep.

Happened for me somewhere around 2-2.5. Basically when they started taking in full sentences, were toilet trained and vaguely rational!

@Bumpitybumper I'm only 2 years in, but it started to get much easier for me at 12 months. End of milk feeds, DD started sleeping 6am-6pm and napping twice a day consistently and she was just less high needs. Obviously still very dependant, as babies are, but she didn't scream at me for ours a day and only nap if I held her!

It's different for everyone but I would take teenagers over toddlers any day of the week! Toddlers are adorable and all that but I look back on the years between my eldest starting to toddle and my youngest starting school and just remember feeling drained and exhausted a great deal of the time (they are cute when they are asleep though!)

Teens certainly provide their share of drama but it's not constant from dawn to dusk! That's been my experience anyway.

My best parenting years were from the youngest being about 8 right up to the older leaving for university. I love being mum to young adults but do still sometimes miss the lovely feeling of getting them all in from school, shutting the door on the world and all of us being home, cosy and safe.

just remember feeling drained and exhausted a great deal of the time - I'm afraid that is exactly how I feel as the mother of a teenager .

I agree though that all children are different, my experience of having a baby/toddler was just so easy. And 7pm - the bedroom door was shut and you knew your evening was your own, now it is an endless round of drama and negotiation about meals/homework/who gets to choose what to watch on tv/future career or uni choices and being a taxi driver at midnight and no of course you can't be given the address of some place back of beyond where to pick your teenager up - and don't dare get out of the car and let anyone else see you .

Totally depends on the child and on your circumstances.

My eldest is six - so far he was easiest and loveliest at four. Hard as a newborn. He got progressively easier really between about 9 months to 4.5yrs, then things got a bit trickier. My youngest is tiny, but she's a lot easier than he was at the same age and she's also currently easier than the 6yo is now.

Circumstances... there are a couple of posts on this thread saying school-age children are easier by dint of being at school. This is not true where they've previously been in full-time childcare! Juggling multiple arrangements now mine is at school has been noticeably harder than when he was at nursery 8-5, 48 weeks a year. Likewise being on maternity leave at the moment with a small baby is undoubtedly much easier than working full-time with a 1yo and a 7yo, as will be the case next year.

It's not a competition. I get how it becomes one when everyone is exhausted and defensive though. And I do inwardly eye-roll when parents of very small children claim the bit they're currently doing is definitely the hardest bit. Yes physically that's true but I'm afraid parenting continues to be relentless for many years beyond that stage!

On dc3 now and I definitely think it gets easier but mostly you just become mega well adapted !
As they get older they become more independent , can rationalise , understand boundaries , and you find you have things in common with them . I'd happily do all the more laundry / taxiing/ and nagging them to do their homework / stop at arguing/ clean their room than cope with sleepless nights , messy eating , changing and lugging nappies , toys everywhere and never getting a moments peace .

I guess it depends on the child but personally, my experience is that it does get easier.

My son is 4 now and I find things much easier than when he was a baby. No heavy lifting (he was a big baby!), no pram to lug about, no nappies. He eats whatever, sleeps well, can communicate and will amuse himself for a bit while I do stuff.

I still remember our first holiday when he was 8 months old. We went in a self catering cottage in the UK and it was horrendous! Had to take so much stuff with us, he hated the travel cot so didn't sleep, meaning we were exhausted and generally didn't seem to like being on holiday.

Fast forward to last year when he was 3, we went to a cottage in Cornwall which is about a 6 hour drive for us and it was great! He loved it and the fresh air/New experiences meant he slept like a log!

Going again this year and he is so excited already!

I think it depends what exactly you find hard; for me the sleep deprivation of the early days and constant feeding was easily the hardest part so while it’s not easy now I do find it easier and more enjoyable.
I think the basic point of parenting where your life is not your own and your child comes first remains the same.
I also strongly feel that if a parent found the baby years easy then they will find later years tougher; or possibly I tell myself that so it doesn’t feel so unfair that some people walk the baby years so easily

Totally agree user.
I can cope with literally anything bar sleep deprivation .

It gets physically easier but mentally much harder.

And OMG the amount of driving necessary - mind you that's also because public transport where we live isn't brilliant.

I’d say it depends on the DC, but there are things that definitely make it easier having older kids than babies/toddlers:

Not having to worry about feeding times or having bottles/baby food etc. Last summer we broke down in a very rural location and were stuck for 5 hours- we had no snacks (except for a random bag of sweets my kids found in the glove compartment and their water bottles) and they were fine- bored, but Fine. That situation with a baby or toddler would have been a nightmare.

Similarly, being able to leave the house with just a handbag and not a bag full of paraphernalia.

Being a lot more free to make last minute plans etc.

More sleep. My two were horrendous sleepers as babies and although my 9 year old DD is still a night owl, at least it’s not the relentless broken hours sleep I was getting.

However, although I’d say the physical side is easier now I’ve got a 9 year old and a 5 year old, there’s stuff that’s got harder. Babies are generally fairly straightforward except mine who were extremely hard work but the emotional needs of my 9 year old are far, far greater than when she was a baby.

Also, childcare. All the stuff about childcare being so much easier when kids are school age is totally untrue. I’m lucky that I’ve managed to work my job around my kids (and am part time which helps) but at least pre school age you can but them in a day nursery 51 weeks a year 10 hours a day if you have to.

I didn't find the baby stage too bad (first time round), second time found it a lot harder cause I also had a toddler. My two are 8 and nearly 11 now and tbh the last few months have been particularly hard. Older boy has anxiety problems triggered by things that ihas have happened in the family, mainly bereavements. He is getting help at school and we are waiting for help from CAHMS, but this is the first year I have ever struggled to get him to school. Younger boy is being difficult at the moment cause he winds everyone up, older boy had a huge meltdown on Friday which I later realised was started by him (almost like gas lighting). Tonight he has been in a lot of trouble with me cause he made fun of me in a really horrible way about not eing able to catch properrly (I have an eye problem and he knows that, means by hand/eye coordination is not very good. I cant let him get away with that cause I worry that he will be that offensive to people outside when there are issues, ie kids with problems at school. On a day to day basis yes there is no feeding, no bum wimping, but they are both awful at going to bed, neither of them like very much home cooked food (they are both v fussy), they leave mess everywhere and I just have to clean the toilet all the time rather than their bums. Trying to get perspective cause I know other people have far far worse problems, but hoping that when they are at different schools next year, at least some of the fighting might stop which would be a start. Plus I think when you are 10 years plus down the line of being restricted all the time, having to plan weeks in advance if you want to go out in the evening etc, it is harder than when all that stuff is new.

Have an 18 year old and a one year old. Each age is annoying in different ways. Ages 9-12 are the worst.
I’m loving the 9-12s they are ace, provided we limit screen time.
Age 0-1 was worst with first DS, he didn’t really sleep until he was 1 but then he went straight to 12hrs through reliably at about 14 months. 1-4 were the worst with second DS (the terrible 2s, godawful 3s and the fucking 4s were hideous)
Did the teenage thing with DSD years ago and that was hard. Hoping boys are easier....
It does get better. DSD is perfect now she’s 30

YANBU - our DC are 9 and 7 and I feel like we're in a fantastic window (that will disappear all too soon!) right now.

Life is so, so much easier than when they were babies and toddler.

At the moment, they still like us (i.e. aren't mortally embarrassed by us). We manage their friendships! And all their friends are lovely, anyway. And they haven't hit the dreaded age of mobile phones, and all that that entails...

I honestly don't want this stage to end - but know that it will, and well before we're ready.

Life is so much easier right now.

AIBU to think actually it does get easier as children grow up?

If you're lucky, yes.

However, it's not easier the first time your child gets mugged, the first time your child self-harms, the first time your child doesn't come home after a night out, the first time your child is assaulted, the first time your child takes an overdose, the first time your child crashes their car.

These are all things that have happened to my children or their friends in the last 12 months.