I don’t want kids, everyone else wants me to have them

[theunsureone]

Hi everyone, I’m 25 and currently single. I really don’t want kids, mainly it's because I have a super high gag reflex and lots of things make me sick, I can't even pick up after my friends dog without being sick on the grass so how can I change a nappy?

I've also had a few back problems and I’m worried that pregnancy is going to make it a lot worse.

Finally I don’t want to deal with the constant crying, lack of sleep and babies are so delicate I’m worried that something will go wrong.

Everyone including my mum says i will change my mind and I am being stupid over the whole gag reflex thing, they say it's different for your own child but I wouldn’t be able to wipe my mums or my sisters arse let alone change nappies all day. Mum really wants me to have kids even though my sisters have kids.

AIBU or selfish? Have any mother's have gag reflex problems? I know dads do but not mums :/

[HelenaDove]

OP im childfree by choice and knew i didnt want kids by the time i was 21. Im 45 this year..............no regrets.


I believe there is an element of "well i had to do it so why shouldnt you" from people who insist that you should have them.

[AssassinatedBeauty]

(this is not really relevant to the thread, but you'd give a child a [mild] homemade curry because its nutritious, and to expose them to a wide range of tastes. What the resultant output would be like shouldn't be a consideration when choosing food for babies!)

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

OP don’t have kids! you seem intent on questioning how every Mother/ father/ caregiver copes with moping up after their children, we just do- they aren’t strangers they are our children who came out of most of us and rely on us for everything when babies; we don’t leave them in faeces because it smells. I don’t ever want a dog but I get how an owner can pick up its mess.

[AcrossthePond55]

I think the gag reflex issue is a bit of red herring. OP it doesn't matter why you don't want children. You don't want them. That's all anyone (including your family) need to know.

If one gives a reason for a decision it automatically gives someone 'grounds' for arguing wit you. And trust me, there is always someone around to argue about anything.

If you change your mind, you'll find away around the gag thing. If you don't, it's no one's business but yours.

[Puffycat]

Ffs! You’re a baby yourself! You’re asking whether we think you should cleanup shite?!
What a total pile!
Don’t ask such silly questions!

[Bowlofbabelfish]

Sorry for being nosy - it’s just an unusual set up. My PhD was ‘right here's a lab, shout if you need anything.’ There aren’t usually tutors or anything like that. You might BE a tutor but not have one.

Again, nosy and irrelevant :)

Look you’re 25 and single. I had zero thought of kids at that age. You might change your mind and you might not, but you’re not at a life stage where it needs to be a source of angst.

Not to have kids is a perfectly valid life choice that doesn’t need justifying to anyone. You don’t need all these odd excuses, just crack on with your life and see what happens. It’s likely you’ll spend the next several years on short term postdoc contracts anyway so you’ll likely be moving around the country/abroad as the posts take you. Just enjoy it.

[Whatshallidonowpeople]

I very much doubt "everyone" wants you to have children, I certainly don't care. I imagine it's more a case that they are saying your reason is stupid.

[Branleuse]

it is different when its your own baby than when its your own mother, but that doesnt extend to older kids and their shit and smells, which are still not as gross as other peoples, but still gross

[OhHolyJesus]

At 25 I went through counselling for sterilisation, at 40 I have a two year old.
You can feel differently when you get older but if you don't want children, don't have them and tell everyone who says you will change your mind if they will look after the child you have one!
(My mum said the same to me and was very smug when I did have my very much wanted pregnancy.)
I don't think you sound like a young 25 year old one PP said, I just think it should be pretty far down your list of decisions to make at this age. Maybe you could say 'maybe/maybe not' each time you're asked and then change the subject.

[theunsureone]

Bowl I do have tutors I know it's an unusual set up that's why I came here. Why does everyone think I’m lying about the gag reflex trust me I'd rather not have it and then I would be a lot more willing to have kids if I could deal with that. And lots of people say everyone when they mean their close family and friends, everyone I speak to at the minute has been asking me when am I having children and why not, it's just how our family works, it's it always when are you going to get a boyfriend and have children and then I say I don’t want children and they say nonsense you will change your mind and then the argument escalates. I just find it stupid that in 2018 women are still expected in some areas to have kids when the country is over populated and that men face no questions about it

[AssassinatedBeauty]

Don't engage with comments like that. Decide on a stock phrase to respond with and just repeat it, don't get drawn into an argument. If they won't stop trying to escalate it then just walk away. They'll get bored of asking if you don't engage with it.

[MarthasGinYard]

You are single and 25

Bloody hell stop even giving it a second thought.

Tell all the 'having baby' cheerleaders that you are bored with that conversation and close them down.

As for the vom /gagging thing. I'm not maternal and was a bit like this. Didn't have dd until really late but it is different with your own, please pardon the old cliche as I never believed it either.

Physically could not change another dc poo nappy though. Also can't do the dog poo thing. Had to be honest with my friend re dog sitting.

So I do get that bit Op

[Somersetlady]

At 25 and single I really dont think it’s something you should waste your time worrying about.

Carry on living your life and if you change your mind and meet someone then you can see how you feel at that point in time.

[Motoko]

What, so they think you can just go into a shop and buy a boyfriend? That's such a ridiculous question, point it out to them. And tell them you won't be considering having children until you're in a strong long term relationship or married. So to stop going on about it, because it's pointless at this moment in time.
And then after that, just refuse to engage, "I've already told you." "I'm not discussing this again.".

[SophieLMumsnet]

Sorry, all,

We're afraid we have doubts about the OP here, so we're taking the thread down now.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Yep that would be because all the talk of PhDs being taught courses with 'loads of people' on them is utter bullshit, as pointed out politely in my deleted post

[FizzyGreenWater]

So, just before it goes:

OP YOU'RE A LYING LITTLE TWAT AND NO YOU ARE NOT DOING A PHD, FOR REASONS THAT ARE BLOODY OBVIOUS TO EVERY BODY

SO FUCK OFF, SCROTEY BUM

aaaahhhhh that feels better

[DianaPrincessOfThemyscira]

You might not want kids now but you might in the future. I don’t really know why you’re even having these conversations when you’re 25 and single? Just say ‘maybe in the future’ and keep it vague.

PS I’ve never changed a nappy of a child not my own and I’ve never picked up dog shit. I won’t either, I won’t have a dog because I don’t want to do that. And wiping an adults arse is totally different from a baby so those reasons are daft!

[MrTumblesSpottyHag]

If you definitely don't want children then don't have any. They're bloody hard work. I wanted mine and I love them to bits but I'm not sure how I'd cope with the drudgery and exhaustion side of it if I hadn't wanted them in the first place.

[BuntyII]

What a daft topic to start a made up thread about. Really I don't understand people

[AssassinatedBeauty]

It's attention seeking, and trying to think of something that will get lots of interest. Sad.

[TeasndToast]

Yeah, you screwed up with the ‘course’ and ‘tutors’ on PHD and you don’t sound like you have a chance at getting Dr Status anyway.

[MarthasGinYard]

Eh

It's back up

[Motoko]

And confusing intelligence with maturity.

[ObiJuanKenobi]

Poo trolls are the weirdest