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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take down ‘let’ sign

93 replies

TeasndToast · 24/04/2018 09:15

As soon as we move in?

We are moving into a rented property this weekend. Having been on MN for a long time I’m acutely aware of how much stigma surrounds renting. Once we move in I really do not want it being advertised to visitors that we rent. Most of our friends don’t even know.

Once we are in we are paying for the use of that property so don’t see that we should have to put up with a great big board letting randoms know our situation for weeks while we wait for someone to collect it.

I can’t find anything on line. Would we be within our rights to take it down and store it until someone organised its collection?

OP posts:

parentorguardian · 24/04/2018 09:45

Have you misled people to believe you're home owners OP?

I had a friend who did this because she thought we (wonder friendship group) would judge her for not being able to afford to buy (80% of our friendship group, myself included, have partners and have had help with deposits). We absolutely wouldn't have judged her for renting but we did judge her, and the friendship cooled, for lying to us and thinking we were judgmental cows! FWIW my other friendship group I'm the only one who owns so renting definitely the norm around here for under 35's.

Coveredinbeeeeeeeeeeeees · 24/04/2018 09:45

Guaranteed no one will actually give a shit if you rent or not. You're adding to the stigma by being a bit snobby about it.

Original poster

TeasndToast · 24/04/2018 09:47

Ok I take your points but the question really is AIBU to take it down and will I get in trouble? The consensus appears to be no so I’ll go ahead.

OP posts:

3stonedown · 24/04/2018 09:47

I couldn't imagine every going to someones house and thinking ohh they rent. It's just not something that ever crosses your mind OP.

HoneyBadger32 · 24/04/2018 09:48

I would just ask the letting agents nicely if it can be taken down the day you take up your tenancy. I wouldn't start off your tenancy by pulling down their board in case it leads to irritation on their part. When we bought our house the sale board was up for almost a month after until my Oh called in and asked if they wouldn't mind taking it down, they were friendly and obliging and said they had basically forgotten about it, but i think the key to good relations is asking nicely and if they can't take it down for a week or two I would live with it. you shouldn't underestimate the value of good relations with your agents.

Original poster

TeasndToast · 24/04/2018 09:49

As I said, no I haven’t lied, my very close friends know, I simply don’t bring it up with others.

For those who are saying nobody cares and there is no stigma I wonder how long you’ve been on MN? There have been some shocking horrible things said about renters on here!

OP posts:

clumsyduck · 24/04/2018 09:50

But no you won't get in trouble for taking it down .

If they say anything then the wind could have blown it down or someone could have purposely knocked it down ( I live right near a pub and this seems to be a thing of a Saturday evening 😂 ) so you can say you couldn't get it back in the ground properly so stashed it in your shed or whatever

QueenofWhisperz · 24/04/2018 09:51

Where I live, there is a stigma about renting.

Some of DH's relatives refuse to visit our home because we rent.

It's just an extra way of being a snobby asshole. Do as you please as long as your not hurting anyone.

BarbaraofSevillle · 24/04/2018 09:51

People don't generally care whether people rent or own and in some cases, they would assume that you rent because your job and hence income would not allow you to buy in an expensive area.

Renting isn't popular in the private sector because it is insecure and expensive.

A lot of people you are worrying about will be renting too so won't care if you do too. The average age of people buying for the first time is well over 40 now so you are in the same boat as lots of people.

PinkyBlunder · 24/04/2018 09:53

Well isn’t this a bit OTT.

There is no stigma. You’re paying to live in a house, just like people with mortgages. The only difference is youre not paying to own that house eventually. People that might look down on you for renting are the same as people that make wild assumptions and judgements about other things and are probably not worth knowing, never mind having their opinions thought about! These people are also very few and far between in the grand scheme of things.

You might want to think about why you care about how you look to others so much and see if you can challenge that, otherwise you’ll make yourself quite a miserable existence.

Yes you can take the sign down when you’ve moved in.

Lalalaleah · 24/04/2018 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clumsyduck · 24/04/2018 09:57

some of DHs relatives refuse to visit our home because we rent.

That is insane ! I'm guessing you are glad they don't bother though to be fair , I would be with an attitude like that !!

pigmcpigface · 24/04/2018 09:58

There clearly is stigma associated with renting - there are threads on Mumsnet where people openly comment that they wouldn't want to build relationships with renters in case they just upped sticks and left, or that renters are somehow dirty and difficult neighbours. You hear it all the time! It is just snobbery, and not really on, and the people saying this stuff are the ones who should be ashamed.

Heartofglass12345 · 24/04/2018 10:01

You cant have very nice friends if they judge you for renting
My (19yr old and still lives at home) niece said this to my sister, they live in a council house, 'people make fun of people who rent'! I would love to see her be able to afford a mortgage on her zero hours contract!
You have a house, surely that's all that matters?!

Heartofglass12345 · 24/04/2018 10:02

And I've rented in the past, it's not cheap for the deposit etc and i was paying more than the mortgage on first house with my husband

Original poster

TeasndToast · 24/04/2018 10:02

Thank you pigmcpigface I’m glad you’ve seen it too. It really opened my eyes and upset me quite a lot.

Of course I know I’m over sensitive and know why but that’s a whole different thread!

OP posts:

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 24/04/2018 10:05

pig but why would I care what those kinds of people thought? If they don't want to be friends with me because of some perceived stigma, they're doing me a favour, because I wouldn't want to befriend them and then find out they are a snobby twat.

Original poster

TeasndToast · 24/04/2018 10:07

We are paying significantly more than a mortgage, we are in the southeast. I have lived alone since the age of 15 so never managed to save enough deposit. A divorce in my 30’s saw my savings toward one split in 2. I could buy a flat but my family is too big now. I can’t help feeling ashamed of my past choices.

OP posts:

clumsyduck · 24/04/2018 10:10

Why are you ashamed ?? Seems like you've had to support yourself from a young age and you have and a divorce wiped your savings . What is there to be ashamed about ?

ThymeLord · 24/04/2018 10:16

pigmcpigface agree with you. I can't believe people are pretending there is no stigma attached to renting OP! As a PP said, there was a thread a couple of weeks ago with the vile comment about what a shame it is to own your own home on a street full of renters. Every time somebody posts a thread about a neighbour doing anything even slightly wrong people jump in with "tell their landlord", like you would tattle to the teacher.

Take down the sign OP. You are fine to do so.

Original poster

TeasndToast · 24/04/2018 10:18

Well clumsy I suppose it’s because only I know the reasons and therefore I’d feel id need to explain that to people as I’d worry they’d think I was a failure. I’d also worry about neighbours being uncomfortable or unfriendly to us because of that. I’ve worked very hard to make my life and those of my children the best they can be to escape the stigma of my childhood and so I probably don’t have the tough skin most people have.

Anyway, after that little vent which got a bit deep (sorry) I will take the advice on here. I am going to send a polite e mail request to new letting agents then if it’s not removed I’ll store it as ‘the wind’ will have blown it over.

Thank you all for the constructive advice.

OP posts:

Mrsfrumble · 24/04/2018 10:22

I do kind of get what the OP means about the assumptions people make. Every single time the affordability of housing gets mentioned on here, you get someone waffling on about how if only people knew how to save and cut back on luxuries, they too could afford to buy! As if it was as simple for everyone as cutting down in lattes and avocado toast
The underlying implication that non-owners must be a bit stupid, lazy and feckless is very frustrating.

Remember though, OP, that people in real life really don't give a crap about the stuff that has some MNetters looking down their noses.

notacooldad · 24/04/2018 10:22

Bloody hell, you have bigger issues than having a sign outside your house!
Maybe you don't want to but I think working on your self esteem and positive self image would give you a happier life. Your friends will probably find out about renting, maybe they will go on Zoopla to see how much houses are worth in the area for example. Own your life choices, don't be ashamed of them.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 24/04/2018 10:22

Totally get what you're saying OP. It's ironic that private renters actually pay more (in London and South East) than people with mortgages, yet there is still a bit of a stigma around renting if you are older than your 20s and have a family.

It makes you feel a bit second class when people are moaning about their hefty mortgages on half million pound houses (or worse still, second homes) which are actually considerably less than you pay for a small rented terrace. I just used to let people assume too, why bring it up?

As for the sign, pull it up the second you move in and wait for it to be collected. Don't give it a moment's concern.

clumsyduck · 24/04/2018 10:23

Bless you tea I shall reiterate -anyone worth knowing will not judge someone for renting . I hope you can let go of these hang ups there clearly upsetting for you!

Good luck

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