To be annoy he invited someone I don’t know on holiday

[Upallnightandsome]

We have a holiday house abroad which we rent out near a holiday resort.

My DH met a friend of a friend a few years ago and since then have become quite good friends. I’ve never met friend (let’s call F) but DH and him meet up fairly regularly with others for dinner or just the two of them for lunch, coffee or to go to a football match. They both come from the same foreign country.

Last week (for complicated and not relevant reasons) F found himself overnighting in a hotel in the resort where we have our house. He phoned my DH to tell him (in a isn’t that funny kind of a way). He also said that the loved it, and wanted to return with his DW in the late May bank holiday.

DH said we would be there that time too and he was more than welcome to stay in the spare room. Initially F said ‘no’ but then DH said ‘No need to hang out with us - more to use as a base’ and left it there.

DH has invited a work friend once before (who I’d met briefly) and I was a little annoyed but got on with it as it was pre-kids, it was only for a long weekend and we plenty of other times to go away.

If DH invited them to our house here, I’d be fine - but somehow inviting there whilst we’re on hols feels different.

Anyway I think we’ve dodged a bullet as which couple in their right mind would want to go on hols with a family of 5 (esp one with a baby of less than 1 year) but...

... I’m still a little worried they do come back and say they’d love to and either we are stuck with them or my DH says I’ve said ‘no’ and I look like a bitch if / when I do meet him (and to other mutual friends).

So am I right to be annoyed - and what to do if they say yes???

For me hOlidays are more fun with other people. If he’s a good friend of your DH it gives you an opportunity to get to know him too. If the holiday doesn’t go well, no need to invite them back.

Yanbu, holidays are to relax, not to share a house with a stranger!! Meeting a stranger on holiday with separate accommodation is one thing, having someone you have never met in your home, hell no!

If they are friends years and you still haven't met I wouldn't worry about him thinking I was a bitch tbh, get your dh to say "sorry mate, x wasn't keen on the idea" and tell him to show you a bit of respect and discuss it next time

I would rather not go on holiday than go on holiday with someone I’ve never met. That is my idea of hell.

So you’ll be cooking and cleaning for these people? Hardly a holiday! And you won’t be able to just relax in your house either.

I would ask him to tell F thst you already arranged for xxx to stay, so F won't be able to stay afterall. Your dh was out of line not discussing with you first.

Dh did that to me once. We knew the people but not really the gf - they hadn't been together long. But they were right PIA’s. The woman even refused to look after my dd so I can go for a rest - I’m very ill and they know it. I suggested they let us stay at one of their places for a visit (living together but each had an apartment) and it was a flat NO. Users. Bragging about how between us and another friend, they’d had a free 13 night holiday.

Peach where did OP say she'd be doing all the cooking and cleaning? Oh that's right...she didn't. You're assuming.

If you mean me then yes you’ve got me. Slap the handcuffs on officer, I committed the terrible crime of making an assumption. Sadly based on my own experience on holidays. Never fear, after this I shall stick to strict facts only.

I wouldn’t be happy with that at all, holidays are the only time we all get time together as a family throughout the year so they are sacred. I’d be really pissed off if DP invited anyone without consulting me, let alone someone I barely knew!

Peak I just like to smash assumptions based on gender whenever I see them.

Nobody I know assumes I'll do anything domestic. Because I make it that way.

I like to point out these things when I see them happening. You assumed she;d be stuck with the domestic shite because she's a woman.

Might be your experience but it's better to challenge these assumptions whenever we can for the good of us all.

It's very rude and inconsiderate for H to invite someone without checking with you first.

How would he feel if you invited someone he had never before?

About what who would be doing the domestic bits, we would split fairly evenly - and would eat out most days. It’s more keeping the kids quiet in the morning, getting out of my PJs early, making conversation etc.

Lacucuracah - I asked him exactly that, and he said ‘depends who!’. Which made me laugh as the whole point is that I’ve never met them - so their personality or my view of them doesn’t exist! For what is worth for some reason I don’t have a really good feeling about him - but nothing to back this up. Deep down I know for sure he would be raging if I invited someone he didn’t know (and actually probably most people he does) - and I think rightly so. If I discussed with him in advance, I can’t think of any of my friends that he would agree to coming (unless there were extraordinary circumstances).

To those who say it might be a chance to make a new friend. I guess it’s possible, but they don’t live near us and so I can’t imagine we’ll hit it off so we’ll that I’ll be going that far out of my way to see them again!

My ex wanted to go to a particular place to do his hobby. He invited his friend who I had met and his wife who I did not know. Neither of us were particularly happy but years later we are still good friends and have ditched the exes!

Better to give his mate a cheap rate when you are not there.
How do you know if these people would be ok around your kids?
No way, come for dinner while you are there but stay, no way

This is about your partner having the respect to check with you before inviting someone.

No of course Yanbu. My husband wouldn't invite someone round for a drink without checking with me first, let alone a stranger to share our holiday accommodation! Who does he think he is?

All you need to do if they accept is cheerily reply.... oooo Fantastic! Always great to have extra hands to help us with the kids and watch the baby during naps once or twice so I have a chance to sunbathe by the pool with other adults! Can’t wait!!!

Watch them backpedal.

Have I got this right, you have three kids and F and his wife have none.

YANBU! I would be totally pissed off at that. On all accounts - no consultation being the first. I would hate the idea of a strange couple joining my family holiday. And it sounds like they have same feeling 😉
Thoughtless and selfish action by your DH

I wouldn't like it one bit.

Holidays for us are family down time and I could never share them with a stranger. No way! I would be very worried if my dh thought this was in any way acceptable.

It is never going to work if they have no children anyway and you have three! Unless they are very very into other people's children and the usual noise and mess.

I am not sure you are that desperate for new friends either!

@bentcopper
There are givers and takers in the world. They were definitely of the take and no give. We had previously had them to stay for a weekend and looked after them, cooked for them, dh took them out. Then made sure they had everything they needed, cooked again for them, went to the shops and bought breakfast for them every day whilst they stayed in bed til 12. Made no effort to fit in with us. But clearly I was unreasonable after having looked after them and laying on nice hospitality to expect to look after dd for an hour. 🙄

OMG that would be my idea of the holiday from hell! I really hope he doesn't take up the offer, but if he does, make sure DH does all of the extra running around, arranging, cooking and any other additional stuff the visitors create! Tell him NOW, that if he does it again, without discussing it with you, you won't go!!