To be annoy he invited someone I don’t know on holiday

[Upallnightandsome]

We have a holiday house abroad which we rent out near a holiday resort.

My DH met a friend of a friend a few years ago and since then have become quite good friends. I’ve never met friend (let’s call F) but DH and him meet up fairly regularly with others for dinner or just the two of them for lunch, coffee or to go to a football match. They both come from the same foreign country.

Last week (for complicated and not relevant reasons) F found himself overnighting in a hotel in the resort where we have our house. He phoned my DH to tell him (in a isn’t that funny kind of a way). He also said that the loved it, and wanted to return with his DW in the late May bank holiday.

DH said we would be there that time too and he was more than welcome to stay in the spare room. Initially F said ‘no’ but then DH said ‘No need to hang out with us - more to use as a base’ and left it there.

DH has invited a work friend once before (who I’d met briefly) and I was a little annoyed but got on with it as it was pre-kids, it was only for a long weekend and we plenty of other times to go away.

If DH invited them to our house here, I’d be fine - but somehow inviting there whilst we’re on hols feels different.

Anyway I think we’ve dodged a bullet as which couple in their right mind would want to go on hols with a family of 5 (esp one with a baby of less than 1 year) but...

... I’m still a little worried they do come back and say they’d love to and either we are stuck with them or my DH says I’ve said ‘no’ and I look like a bitch if / when I do meet him (and to other mutual friends).

So am I right to be annoyed - and what to do if they say yes???

Why should she have looked after your child?! Your illness isn’t her problem
I thought it was in return for having a free holiday , or at least free accomadation. You know, just mucking in and helping out.

bentcopper

@mummyoflittledragon

Why should she have looked after your child?! Your illness isn’t her problem.

Wow! Pure selfishness.

OP, yanbu, he should definitely have discussed it with you first. Presumably he thinks of it as his holiday home rather than jointly yours then?

Your hubby was out of line and I would be stressed about it - BUT I suspect your hubby is trying to further his relationship with this person due to them both being from the same country. It’s hard living abroad from your home country - no one has that same shared cultural experience you had growing up. If you have a holiday home than it sounds like you go there semi-regularly - I’d suck it up this time with rules that he needs to ask you first next time. You never know - you might actually have the best week ever.

I did this before with DH and his mate and family. They spent the entire time together and it really impacted on family quality time and couple quality time. I think group holidays are a good idea if everyone knows each other and gets on well, otherwise it can get a bit lonely.

Your DH hasn't thought this through properly.
I would find this unacceptable personally, it's a family holiday, he needs to rescind his invitation.

You have different cultural starting points. Some cultures are much more friendly than the British and hold hospitality up as an important virtue.

You have different cultural starting points. Some cultures are much more friendly than the British and hold hospitality up as an important virtue but the OP has already said her DH would pop if she invited anyone to join them - why is it ok for him to invite people but not her?

YANBU I would go ballistic.

How would he react if you invited people he had never met? Would he be happy?

I wouldn't go if they are going. It just wouldn't be a holiday for me holidaying at such close proximity with strangers. It would be like agreeing on a villa holiday but you are sharing with people you don't know!

I appreciate some people would genuinely be OK with that and we are all different, but if OP isn't then surely her DH would know that?

Not quite similar, But i lived in Asia and my father in law would suggest to friends of his to go and stay with my son and daughter-in law(me) if they were going to OZ or NZ for a few days to get over jet lag, And we had to pick them up from the airport, complete strangers 2 from Norway, a couple of South Africans, this was our home and he just assumed it was fine. It becomes like free B &B if someone knows you have a holiday apprtmt or home in our case, I put up with it but was raging inside. Don't let it happen, the otherhalf is not supporting your feelings.

the woman refused to even look after my child what about the bloke, did he refuse too? Or did you just think she'd be happy to do it because she's a woman?

I think you should start telling your husband you’ve invited random people only you know to come stay with you for a bit as they’ll be in the vicinity.

When he is in the middle of an epic rant I’d say and this is why its fucking disrespectful of you to invite your friends on holiday with us. You wouldn’t accept it if I did it either.

notacooldad
StrugglingTodomybest

Thanks. This was an executive ensuite room at centerparcs in France in the summer with outside pool so a sunbathing / pool holiday for them. And our main holiday for the year. The day they left, I ended up being so ill that I was ambulanced to Hospital after having a non epileptic seizure. I’d never had one before and the dr told me it was through extreme stress. I had pressured dh to ask them to hurry up and leave - their intention was to hang around the house all day, perhaps do a bit of sunbathing, but I needed peace. He was really angry with me over it because apparently I was rude to expect them to go.

We’d had a massive argument about inviting them beforehand because i knew it would be too much for me. And no, he didn’t ask first. His excuse for needing a 3 bed was because he wanted a sauna (which he didn’t use) and I suspect he may have decided he wanted to invite friends along. But I’d seen how they were as a couple both when they visited for the weekend and how he was with his ex wife. But dh didn’t listen to me.

They managed to get up early the day they came (despite staying in bed till 12 every day thereafter). So they arrived in the morning, stayed 4 fucking nights, and intended on staying to late afternoon on their last day. By the last day, it was unbearable for me as I need complete peace and quiet when I’m ill. Instead I had them getting up at lunchtime, hanging round the place til at least 2 because y’know they were on holiday. We basically had one day to ourselves as a family for the entire one week, not cheap holiday.

Dd was 7 at the time and an early riser. My idea of visiting people you specifically want to see (they live in France) is to actually see them, not stay in bed til 12 and not participate in the life of your hosts. I didn’t expect them to be up at 6 but 9/10 would have been nice. They have older kids btw so know what family life is like.

Op you really really need to think how this will work out. They may want to tag along. Or they may want to do their own thing. How do you feel about this?

KCC - yes that’s right. We’ve 3, they’ve none!

Any sensible person I guess would assume with that dynamic, there no chance they’ll come - but as Skinny suggested - there is a cultural element... If it were the other way around (us the couple and the others with kids) I’m not sure that DH would turn the invite down for that reason alone. They are EXTRAORDINARILY into hospitality and I think if I push the conversation further, he would say it would have been rude not to ask them!!!

For the moment, I’m letting sleeping dogs lie - and just hoping they think the plan is as crazy as I do!

My parents were with us on our last hols, but I discussed with him first before mentioning to them!

Pinky
Ffs it wasn’t because she had a vagina, it’s because I asked HER IF THEY WOULD TAKE MY DD OUT.

YANBU. Whether you want friends on holiday with you is a matter of personal preference and your DH should have asked you first.

I'd hate that, I can be really awkward around strangers sometimes and holidays are for relaxing. I'd definitely be having a word with DH about you both consulting on decisions. Having said that, it's promising that F's initial reaction was no. That suggests he also might be reluctant to spend his hols with a stranger. And bear in mind his DW's opinion hasn't been heard yet. If they're childfree she might have planned a very different holiday than spending it fully dressed and on her best behaviour around people (and their kids) that she doesn't even know. Hopefully when F mentioned it to her, her reaction was as equally HELL NO as yours

YANBU, but if they do accept, I'd personally carry on my holiday as I ordinarily would. So if the kids get up early, then don't tiptoe around with them, and if you like to just veg out in your PJs for a few hours do just that. Have your meals when it suits you, not them. If they want to also eat with you then ask them to help out e.g. they do dishes and set table etc.

I would be horrified. I would ask my DH to cancel his 'friend'. If he refused I'd change the holiday. This would totally ruin my holiday. You can't relax with a stranger who is your partner's work colleague!
How dare he decide something like this without asking you? Such disrespect.

I’m not clear whether this is an annual holiday or a long weekend away and is one of many spent at the holiday home. I think that makes a difference. Really if you want to stay in pjs all day you just need to do it, we are our own worst enemies sometimes when it comes to suiting others not ourselves.

Iggia - it’s somewhat in between. We’ve been for a week with my parents already, we’ve the week we’re discussing and then a week during the summer hols (which I’ve just remembered he’s also invited his sister, her DH and 3 kids to join!!! Although I’m pretty sure they won’t - or if they do will only be for a day or so en route to their hols - fingers crossed!)

Ebeneezer - you’re absolutely right but I’m not sure I could. If it was a ‘neutral’ location absolutely but I know I couldn’t have them there and not treat them as guests. Mind you - after an hour with my kids and they’ll probably be out of the house to the beach at 8, and back long after bedtime to avoid us!

Nice to have pals along..... Strangers,? No.

To me it's too risky without knowing them..
Could be fine, but equally could not be

Mummy to be fair that sounds very hard for your dh too. You were so ill on holiday that you required complete peace and quiet. Surely it was better for DH and dd to be able to get out and have a bit of fun and company? Also, you complain that they stayed in bed all morning but surely that was just what you needed to give you peace and quiet? It sounds like them being there was a godsend for DH and dd as it sounds like it was a dreadful holiday, which really wasn't the fault of the unwanted guests, but an unfortunate result of what sounds like a dreadful illness for you.

If it was a ‘neutral’ location absolutely but I know I couldn’t have them there and not treat them as guests.

'Well DH I won't lie, I'm pretty pissed off that you think it's ok to invite people I don't know to our holiday with the kids. I'm not happy about it and it'll change things completely. I'm surprised too though that you'd want to make so much more work for yourself on holiday! - they'll be YOUR guests, you realise that? I don't know them so I'll probably end up keeping out of the way... may even leave early if it's not enjoyable. I would have thought you'd want to relax, not be responsible for hosting another couple all by yourself!'

Make it clear that you now see this as a very different kind of 'holiday' with your husband's guests there, taking up his time and energy...

So potentially there could be six kids there?

The couple would have to be mad.

There's hospitality, then there's stupidity.

If the other couple do make an appearance then they need to be chipping in. No just getting pissed on white wine on the sofa.