To feel pushed out

[Rapunzel15]

Im currently on holiday with my DP, DD (2 1/2) and my in laws. They are both lovely and i get on with them really well the only problem is they seem to be obsessed with giving me a break.
So far the entire holiday has consisted of them taking DD to do all the fun stuff while they insist i stay at the hotel "having a break" i know they mean well but i miss DD terribly. Im a sahm and genuinely enjoy being with my DD and i feel like im missing out on some great times with her.
They spend plenty of time with her usually, i just dont see why i cant join in.
How do i bring this up with out sounding rude or ungrateful?

I only mentioned SAHM because they think i would want a break from that. I dont because im used to being with her all the time and i feel a little lost without her. Definitely not mentioned that i dont get a break from her.
DP is with them.
Even when i am allowed to go along e.g. dinner she whisked up from the table at the slightest protest even though ive tried to speak up and she must eat more before she leaves the table (not forcing her to eat, still has a full plate in front of her) im being massively undermined and i dont appreciate it especially when i seems like the only time im involved is when im telling her off
(Its all coming out now lol)

Sorry, are you saying your MIL removes your DD from the table when she thinks she has finished dinner?

@IveGotNoClothes feel free to borrow them any time. Maybe renting them out could be an option

OP, YANBU, your update does suggest she's trying to take control of your DD.

Time to start insisting back, and you need to ensure your DP is onside with that. You are the parent, not your inlaws.

Pengggwn that is exactly what i am saying but FIL is just as guilty tbh

Right. Here is what I would do. I would get up, leave the table, walk over to whichever of my inlaws had just taken my DD and take her back. No apology or reason given. How dare they.

Why can't you do that?

"you need a break"

"No thank you I am well rested and looking forward to fun with dd"

"We insist"

"I really wish you wouldn't, I don't need or want a break"

Then when they go to take her at dinner "Please leave her, she's fine and I am happy to deal with her"

Just be more assertive but stand your ground when they protest

You need to grow a backbone. What haven't you spoken to your DH about it? Surely you have time alone when in bed?

Please don't be one of them people who seethes inside but does absolutely nothing about it.

I have tried this an i will shamefully admit that it tend to turn in to a to and fro of passive aggressive comment made through DD until i inevitably give in to avoid DD throwing a tantrum/hating me because Grandad is so fun and exciting and mummy loves vegetables. DP very much on the side of keeping the peace and not giving and opinions

Don't make any comment at all. Remove your DD and sit back down.

Tell them you are now rested so you want to spend holiday time with her/her and partner. Maybe make a passive aggressive joke about I actually like to see dd or I am part of the family, are you trying to cut me out?

Maybe next time they say you need a break you should say

"Oh yes thank you we do need a break, I am glad you mentioned it, we will do our thing for dinner tonight and then spend the day just the three of tomorrow, I am sure you could do with a break from us too"

You’re her mother, end of. And I wouldn’t be going on holiday with them again.

Might this be the last holiday with the in laws?

Did you forget to pack your spine? Just politely say "no thanks, I'm doing such and such today/now/with dd".

It really is that simple.

"I'll come too"

"I don't need a break thanks"

"I want to spend time with my daughter this holiday too"

Ask them to leave you to it at mealtimes so you can ensure she's eating enough before it's time to play.

DD is an absolute legend. Just took my hand and asked me to go for a walk. Any time anyone else tried to take her instead/join she very firmly told them no and put her hands out ti stop them. She obviously misses me as much as i miss her. I want to cry!

Insist on at least one meal a day for just you three - "dd gets too distracted by the fun she has with you mil and fil and doesn't eat properly". Make sure your dp backs you up.

Wow. Your toddler sorted the situation out. Maybe you could take a few tips from her

Op listen to yourself, your dd is standing up to them for you!!! stand up for yourself and more importantly stand up for her

So they've all been playing Happy Families without you?

Why haven't you spoken to your SP about it?

Next time anyone tries this, think back to the worst, most difficult moment of parenting your child: might be labour, might be feeding, might be the nights or the tantrums. And recall yourself getting through that moment, because you are her mum. No one else. You are top dog here. Stop letting people walk all over you!

OP I'm quite angry at you. It's come to the point where your own DD has to intercede on your behalf. Be the adult you are and try to be a role model for your daughter by politely but firmly speaking to your IL's about edging you out of a "supposedly" family holiday. Talk to your DH seriously, not PA little dibbles. Make a stand. Your daughter should not have to be YOUR advocate.

So basically your DD, DO and PIL are going out and having fun and leaving you out? WTF?!?

This is awful, OP. Get your DD back and tell them to lay off.

Make sure that your daughter is with you from first thing on the morning and from then on you say what you (pluarl) are doing and when. They should be asking your permission not telling you. It sounds like there were probably smaller instances where they took the piss and now it has snowed. If you are thinking that you are "allowed" to join them for dinner, a point has been passed.