DP told MIL it was ok to visit although I was seeing my bestie who has moved away

[sanddunes18]

My birthday soon. MIL says she wants to come and spend the day and DP tells her it's ok and that I had nothing planned. My bestie has been scheduled to come for well over a month and DP can see it in our shared calendar. Bestie wanted to treat me to lunch for my birthday but had to rebook to include MIL as I was told that she was coming to see me for my birthday but I didn't have the guts to tell him to tell her I have plans.. which he knew about. She came to lunch and insisted on paying and told my bestie that she would have to treat me some other way. Aibu to be upset by this? Since been told I'm ungrateful for being upset that I didn't get to spend the quality time I envisioned.

Yabu for the continued use of ‘bestie’.

Agree with everybody else.

My dh might easily have done just the same, because he is a bit scatty that way and never thinks of checking the calendar. He knew I did genuinely like my late MIL and would have been pleased to have her visit me on my birthday.

However, I would have just told him he'd made a mistake and he must ring her to rearrange. Or I would've rung her myself to express my gratitude at her offer of coming, explain that dh had forgotten to check with me first, and sort out a different day for her visit.

So I wouldn't have been very cross with him, because he means well and it's easily fixed. But I guess things are different between you and your dh? Why were you scared to tell him he'd made a mistake?

Also wonder if on top of being controlling and intimidating, DH is trying to drive distance between you and BF. you can't talk to her about him of his mother is sat there.

I don't understand why you needed guts to simply point out that you would be seeing your BFF then and suggest another date for MiL.

Perhaps Silvery he's an abusive and controlling arse who would blow up at her or go cold shoulder on her etc. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship either way

It sounds like you have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with your partner. Pointing out that you already have plans shouldn't require 'guts' or leave you in fear of causing a sulk. You are being controlled and that isn't something you need to allow.

OP - if you are scared of your partner, you need to work out how to get out of this relationship.

It’s fine to come on here for a rant but really OP unless there is a really really good reason why you couldn’t stand up to you husband it’s yiur own fault. All you had to say was “sorry I’ve made plans, as you already know”
If you didn’t do that then really youve no right to complain