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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let this man stay at the bottom of the garden?

69 replies

RainbowInACloud · 22/04/2018 21:05

Our garden backs onto a canal. We have space for one mooring. Our garden is adjacent to a place where lots of boats are moored. We occasionally chat to the guy who parks his boat near ish to our housein this marina. He has asked if a friend of his can park his barge in our mooring spot for a few weeks until there's space in the marina. DH said yes without thinking. I have asked him to rescind this offer as I'm not happy with a random man having access to our garden (even though only a gate stops others entering) My thinking is that I have no clue who he is or his history or how long he will stay. If I'm honest my real concern is for the children and that potentially it is an opportunity for grooming. I do supervise the children in the garden but it's possible one would be playing at that end of the garden if I were with another child in another part of the garden. DH is being very reasonable and has said he has no issue taking back the offer. Just wanted to double check I'm not being over cautious. I like to help out and we do have a free mooring spot but it doesn't sit quite right with me. Thanks.

OP posts:

Thespringsthething · 22/04/2018 22:45

I wouldn't want someone staying on my property who I didn't know whatsoever if I had children around. I don't think that makes me a paedo-hunter, but a fairly sensible person! I would also be worried about an out of sight 4 year old near a canal and that's more of a risk, but inviting random strangers to stay in your garden, no I would not.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 22/04/2018 23:37

YANBU not to want a stranger at the bottom of the garden - he's not a Poddinton Pea, get your DH to say you've thought about it some more and rescind the offer.

MyDcAreMarvel · 22/04/2018 23:42

Your four year old is more likely to drown unsupervised than be groomed.

5foot5 · 22/04/2018 23:56

BarbarianMum sums it up for me.
You have a canal at the bottom of your garden and you think your main safety worry is that the mooring might by chance be taken by a paedophile?

Seems a bit like letting your children play in a car park but being more concerned that they might take sweets from strangers than that they might be run over.

Wintertime4 · 23/04/2018 00:03

I’d rescind because it’ll be much harder to move him when he’s there.

MiniMum97 · 23/04/2018 00:19

You are being ridiculous. If you can help out this man why not. It's a nice thing to do.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/04/2018 00:27

So there's boats parked up adjacent to your garden gate that isn't secure? Why isn't the gate secure? The friends of a friend is unlikely to have developed this elaborate plan to from your children but if that is a reasonable risk then surely so is that anyone else who can access the tow path could have been doing it for the last x many months or years?

I think you need to secure your boundary even if it means putting fencing up inside the garden. The children don't need every inch of an acre in order to have a reasonable garden to pay in

sockunicorn · 23/04/2018 01:00

The only way i can relate to this is if a stranger wanted to camp or park a motorhome in my garden. The answer would be no. I think your reasoning may be a bit extreme but overall the answer would just be a no. trust your instincts.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 23/04/2018 07:14

I’d proabably just ask him not to stay, then again he’s been told he can now so it would feel awkward. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having a stranger so close as it is never mind about possible grooming. I can see what you meant by saying it though and I understand not wanting to worsen the risk. But in general I’d feel uncomfortable just being in my garden etc and having to make conversation would worry me.

Ohmydayslove · 23/04/2018 07:23

Sgree with BarbarianMum that’s the first thing I went to was what access your 4 year old has to the canal? Is it just a gate? I wouldn’t relax at all in your situation never mind a strange bloke mooring his boat there.

Ohmydayslove · 23/04/2018 07:25

And I would say no too and erect a proper enclosed fence or some such so your children can’t access the canal and strangers can’t access your garden so a large proper lockable gate

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/04/2018 09:22

.... Mmmm...
Most men ARE not sec offenders...

Although
'sucessful paedophiles (those that offend and get away with it) often choose transport modes where they can move easily when someone gets suspicious....

I knew at least 3 sex offenders who has at some time owned barges /boats...

Again, ' sucessful' paedophiles are so talented at grooming, everyone in the family often, that sadly people only realise after their child has been attacked...

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/04/2018 09:23

Meant 'sex offenders' obvs!

FranticallyPeaceful · 23/04/2018 09:25

If you want him to leave then tell him, but please don’t think he’s a pedophile just because he’s a man ffs. It’s so weird your first thought would be that an adult would groom your kids.

Momo27 · 23/04/2018 09:29

Exactly what BarbarianMum says.

What on Earth are young children doing playing unsupervised in a large garden backing onto a canal?

On the other hand If there is secure fencing/ locked gates etc, then how is it any more risky than having a man living in a house with a garden which backs on to yours?

This is a really strange post.

Personally I wouldn’t want some random person using my space... it’s no different really to asking to use someone’s driveway! But why the first thought the OP has is grooming, is totally bizarre

Birdsgottafly · 23/04/2018 09:31

I agree with the setting of time limits etc.

Surely you do give your children enough supervision, being around Water that you'd notice them being groomed?

Its always the confident/growing up around Water children that get into bother, because they become complacent.

Original poster

RainbowInACloud · 23/04/2018 12:01

The garden has a funny layout - it's on lots of different levels. Children not allowed directly onto canal level but could easily hold a conversation with someone who was. I was trying to post the most salient points in the OP. The issue really isn't children falling into the canal. 4 year old supervised at all times.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 23/04/2018 12:45

OK so if the 4 year old is supervised at all times could you not extend this to the other 2 for 3 weeks whilst the guy is there? Or make it clear that he is not allowed into the garden and they are not allowed to visit him/his boat? Do you not allow them any contact with adults at all in case they are groomed?

Vicky1990 · 24/04/2018 20:39

What exatly is the problem with this man staying here, would you be concerned if it was a woman??.

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