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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let this man stay at the bottom of the garden?

69 replies

RainbowInACloud · 22/04/2018 21:05

Our garden backs onto a canal. We have space for one mooring. Our garden is adjacent to a place where lots of boats are moored. We occasionally chat to the guy who parks his boat near ish to our housein this marina. He has asked if a friend of his can park his barge in our mooring spot for a few weeks until there's space in the marina. DH said yes without thinking. I have asked him to rescind this offer as I'm not happy with a random man having access to our garden (even though only a gate stops others entering) My thinking is that I have no clue who he is or his history or how long he will stay. If I'm honest my real concern is for the children and that potentially it is an opportunity for grooming. I do supervise the children in the garden but it's possible one would be playing at that end of the garden if I were with another child in another part of the garden. DH is being very reasonable and has said he has no issue taking back the offer. Just wanted to double check I'm not being over cautious. I like to help out and we do have a free mooring spot but it doesn't sit quite right with me. Thanks.

OP posts:
FowlisWester · 22/04/2018 21:39

How big is your garden that you wouldn't see the child being 'groomed'?

flubdub · 22/04/2018 21:40

I'd be mad that my husband didn't set a price Grin but no, grooming wouldn't worry me, especially if I was in the garden with the children.
I would mainly worry that this man wouldn't leave and that it would turn into weeks/months.

GnotherGnu · 22/04/2018 21:40

Your children are in more danger every time they set foot in the street.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 22/04/2018 21:42

On holiday do you worry about the holiday makers near you?.
Do you have anxiety issues?
Sounds very ott.

titchy · 22/04/2018 21:43

He won’t be able to stay at the end of your garden for more than 2 weeks, it’s a term of his waterways license

Does that apply if he's using a private mooring?

Cindie943811A · 22/04/2018 21:46

OP, it is your property, your privacy, yourchilden. If you don’t feel comfortable then rescind the offer.
I don’t thinkposters are being entirely fair saying you are OTT re the possibility of grooming. This is a strange man who would have easy access to your property — your children are less likely to enter even a neighbours house than chat to someone in their own garden. Paedophiles can live anywhere. One should not be too paranoid but it is sensible to be aware and to take reasonable precautions

happypoobum · 22/04/2018 21:46

Grooming?

Are you serious? Confused

Lucisky · 22/04/2018 21:48

If you are not on the towpath, C&RT (canal and river trust) have special rules for allowing mooring at the end of gardens. Essentially, you own the land (although they may own some curtilage), but they own the water, so the person mooring has to get permission from the landowner AND C&RT, and C&RT will make a charge. Just because you live on a canal doesn't mean you can moor there for free . The two weeks mooring only refers to the towpath side.
You may wish to check with C&RT otherwise their enforcement officers may be taking an interest.

YippeeTipTap · 22/04/2018 21:49

The grooming worry is a bit OTT but I you just don’t fancy him being there then I guess that’s fair enough.

I suppose you could go and chat to him and raise any concerns with him (not the grooming ones though 🤭). I’d ask about waste and access etc. If was me I’d also ask for a boat ride. 😎

Original poster
RainbowInACloud · 22/04/2018 21:49

Hi, it probably wasn't clear in my OP as I obviously mentioned grooming but I agree it is highly unlikely. Our garden is large, over an acre, so every chance I wouldn't always be right next to the children. So, although I clearly do not think all men are paedophiles and also know it is highly unlikely he is a paedophile, it introduces a level of risk into a situation that was not there previously.
Children are 8,6 and 4.
The poster that mentioned re: water/ waste etc. Thanks- they are good points and certainly things I will consider. And yes I will chat about clearly defining a time frame.
No issues with anxiety and I'm not especially overprotective. I guess I felt like it was a guy, who I know nothing about, potentially having unsupervised access to the children and that concerns me.
Thanks for all your input; some good points to think about

OP posts:
PattiStanger · 22/04/2018 21:51

It wouldn't occur to me to think about my DC being groomed, that's a strange concern, but I wouldn't be happy about letting someone stay there on principle, for me it would be too much hassle and I'd just say no. He could be messy, noisy, might never leave etc, many reasons for me to say no

Original poster
RainbowInACloud · 22/04/2018 21:52

luckisky ill double check thanks. I think we own mooring rights as we had a barge for a long time that came with the house but never used it so got rid of it. But I'll also make sure that if we do go ahead, it's all above board.

OP posts:
Vicky1990 · 22/04/2018 21:53

Would your attitude be the same if it was a woman wanting to stay there ?.

bakingdemon · 22/04/2018 21:54

Get your husband to set limits - say, no more than three weeks - and that that's subject to two references from employers or previous mooring owners/landlords. That should suss out if he's a wrong un.

Leontine · 22/04/2018 21:55

Do you own the mooring space? I'm not really understanding the set up here....

Original poster
RainbowInACloud · 22/04/2018 21:59

bakongdemon that's a great idea. Thanks. leonine yes we own mooring rights I'm pretty sure but would just need to root out the documents as not had a mooring for some time. We inherited the barge with the house; it wasn't something we were interested in particularly. We initially thought we might use it but it turns out we didn't.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 22/04/2018 22:00

I'd be more worried about a 6 year old and 4 year old playing unsupervised next to a canal than being groomed tbh. And if they don't have access to the canal, how could he groom them?

CaledonianQueen · 22/04/2018 22:18

Well, the only man I know of who owns a canal boat is a paedophile, a very smooth talking but a paedophile all the same.

Obviously, that doesn't mean that every man who owns a canal boat will also be a paedophile!

I would say no as you need privacy, the summer is approaching and your dc and you should feel free to run about in swimsuits/ bikinis in the privacy of your own garden!

MsOnesieOrNOT · 22/04/2018 22:20

I agree with BarbarianMum. On a different note, this thread reminds of a thread many moons years ago. It wasn't about grooming but about a Mumsnetter who was worried that her house could be seen (or something like that) by a boat on the canal (or river?) or something. Does anyone remember which thread I mean?

Jux · 22/04/2018 22:20

I would be concerned thata couple of weeks turns into a month and a month into ......

Do check your mooring rights - it used to be (a very long time ago) that you owned a mooring, but lots of things changed and you may find that if you've not been oaying an annual amount that you've lost it, or something.

titchy · 22/04/2018 22:21

'd be more worried about a 6 year old and 4 year old playing unsupervised next to a canal than being groomed tbh

^^ what they said.

Puffycat · 22/04/2018 22:23

If it doesn’t sit right don’t do it.
Trust your gut

smithsinarazz · 22/04/2018 22:24

As most other people have said -
It IS your property and you've got the right to refuse - but I think you would sound more than a little odd if you said "No, you can't stay here, because you might be after my kids". I kind of know where you're coming from. I can't stand too close to a barbecue while holding the baby. I know in my heart of hearts that nobody's going to jump up and knock me sideways into it, but I think they will.
It sounds like you might have a few admin things to sort out anyway, which'd help with gatekeeping.
Also, as someone said, if you say "yes" probably stipulate that it is just for a few weeks. Then if he turns out to be a pain in the arse you know it's not for long.

Qwertytypewriter · 22/04/2018 22:27

I don't think a person who specifically asks to use a mooring, and makes himself known to you, is likely to be planning to groom your DCs, surely such a person would want to avoid your attention?
However, I DO think you should be close enough to know what your 4 and 6 year olds are doing generally, in the garden - since you're adjacent to lots of moorings, allowing lots of people to wander nearby and potentialy chat to them. The chances are slight, but that's a more likely way for someone with the wrong sort of interest to make contact with your children, than asking to use your mooring.

Leontine · 22/04/2018 22:30

@rainbowinacloud

If you own the rights then I think it's weird that he parks there. It'd be like a stranger asking to park on someones drive.

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