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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get so irritated with DH and his irritating holiday planning?

76 replies

BossyPaws · 22/04/2018 21:03

Going to USA in September. We plan to drive from San Francisco to Monument Valley stopping off at Bridgeport, Death Valley, Las Vegas etc along the way.

So far we have the return flights to SF booked and that's it. DH insists on being in charge of the planning yet getting him to actually plan anything is a fucking nightmare. I've been searching hotels, airb&b etc and showing him and get the usual "yeah sounds nice". I have tried telling him that these places are booking up fast and get "yeah we need to start booking".

I've been getting so frustrated with nothing getting sorted!! Last night I sat him down and narrowed it down to a handful of airb&b properties - he was dead keen, kept saying how gorgeous they were etc ... got me to message the hosts ... said we'd book today.

So this afternoon had perfect opportunity as no kids here and both sat doing nothing - he wanted to go to sleep and said we'd do it tonight.

8.30pm I say "so, we going to book then as they're selling out fast" - he replies "we can't commit yet as we don't know how long we're spending in each place". I say "well we need to work that out then!" He replies "yeah we should do really". So again getting frustrated I say "so!! Shall we?" And he says "yeah, we do need to but I don't know yet what we're going to do". So I say "well what we going to do then??" He replies "well, there is nothing we can do"

Oh for fucks sake man wake up!! AIBU to sack him off and just plan and book the fucker without his input? Baring in mind he'll take great delight in pointing out anything that goes wrong as entirely my fault?

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 22/04/2018 21:05

Oh that would drive me nuts! It would spoil the holiday.

I'd give him one week. If it wasn't done by then, I'd do it myself.

PancakesAndMapleSyrup · 22/04/2018 21:07

Tell him either he gets off his arse and sorts it out or you are taking your DCs on holiday somewhere minus him.

Fletchasaurus · 22/04/2018 21:10

I feel stressed just reading that! I would genuinely take over as it sounds like he hasn't got a clue! Give him a few days to do some research then that's it!!

reddressblueshoes · 23/04/2018 08:49

How about a compromise? Say you book the first few night of everywhere you stay, but leave a couple of days either end. That way, he's responsible for those, and it means if you want to leave somewhere early/go somewhere else on route you have the freedom.

And he can't blame you for having planned everything, but you have enough of it booked in nice places that if you end up staying in a random motel for a night you can a) blame him and b) write it off as an experience.

My DH likes feeling free on holiday so we've had to compromise a bit on what we want- if it was me, I'd prefer to have a plan for most days but he likes to be able to decide while we're there. However that doesn't work in all destinations. I'd say, take over 2/3 of the booking and make sure you're clear you're leaving him the choice and responsibility for the rest.

Fluffyears · 23/04/2018 08:57

Jeez my DH would have asoreafshert done by now with all the accommodation, prices, amenities, costs etc. Tell him you’re booking it and not one word is to be said if anything goes wrong then he should have helped.

sheddooropen · 23/04/2018 08:58

I'd say if you haven’t planned the trip and how long we are staying by the end of the week then I will do it (this week you plan your own version) and then if he hasn't done it you book your version next week otherwise it's going to be too late

blueskyinmarch · 23/04/2018 09:01

We did a road trip in California some years ago. Apart from the flights and the hotel for the start and end of the trip we booked nothing else leaving us flexible to go where we wanted. We stayed in a combination of cheap and cheerful motels and some nicer hotels. It worked brilliantly. Don't stress about it. You will find accommodation even he books nothing.

BalloonFlowers · 23/04/2018 09:20

I sat DH down last week and had exactly the same conversation - except we go in 8 weeks....
We have now got all flights, beds and cars booked. I can cope with the closer details not being known, but need to know there is a bed each night for all of us.
I listed all the areas we were going to, and put in things to do in each area, then put a suggested time frame (3-5days sort of thing). Made him confirm the exact length of stay.
Then pulled up a couple of places to stay in each place, and made him agree that any were ok, or that we needed X one, and then booked it all.
It was a stressful (and very expensive!) evening. Amazed I didn't get a call from the credit card company asking what we were up to!
Happy holiday planning - I bet you have an amazing time!

AjasLipstick · 23/04/2018 09:23

Why don't you just do it?

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 23/04/2018 09:23

We just divide tasks usually.

He books the flights, I book the hotel.

We both check that the other person is ok with what we’ve chosen or look at a couple of options together, but I find that if we decide together, it takes too long.

DingDongDenny · 23/04/2018 09:28

My DH is a PITA with holiday planning as well. He acts like we are buying a holiday let, rather than staying in it. I'm like the travel agent and he is the most annoying fussiest customer ever. Drives me mad

Twoo · 23/04/2018 09:29

I need an holiday after reading your post OP

Sorry no advice other than just do it yourself.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 23/04/2018 09:32

I’d take over this holiday for your own peace of mind. Too much money to lose and too stressful. Also his inactivity is turning you into a nag, which is unfair on you.

If he must organise trips away, let him do his worst with a weekend city break instead.

Echobelly · 23/04/2018 09:37

Yes often my DH wants a say in everything, then doesn't commit to anything. Or I make a plan or list of ideas about places to stay, visit etc which he ignores than makes his own list that he expects me to attend to immediately. Others times he's fine though!

NancyDonahue · 23/04/2018 09:39

We've done a few multi centre/road trip holidays and I do all the planning and run it past dh before booking. Sometimes he suggests something different but on the whole we go with what I have planned.

Basta · 23/04/2018 09:41

Jeez my DH would have asoreafshert done by now...

I always do asoreafshert before I go on holiday. It makes all the difference.

rookiemere · 23/04/2018 09:43

That does sound hugely irritating.

I'd book it myself. However when we did a big trip round Canada, rather than booking through Airbnb or whatever which tend to have stringent cancellation policies, I booked direct with the hotel/aparthotel or Booking.com ( which also has apartments) - and picked ones with flexible cancellation policies -so that when we did the trip and actually ended up shifting a few things around, it was possible to do that.

MiddlingMum · 23/04/2018 09:44

I'd go on my own if dealing with that was my other option.

JessicaJonesJacket · 23/04/2018 09:45

I'm like the travel agent and he is the most annoying fussiest customer ever.
I relate to this. Although tbh DH has got much better since I started just booking and going on my own with DS if DH complained.

SendintheArdwolves · 23/04/2018 09:46

DH insists on being in charge of the planning yet getting him to actually plan anything is a fucking nightmare

Baring in mind he'll take great delight in pointing out anything that goes wrong as entirely my fault?

He sounds horrible OP, but I'm prepared to believe he has redeeming features, so lets just look at the holiday problem...

So your options are:

Do it yourself and put up with him complaining (NB: this is the one he secretly wants)
Nag him constantly, getting more and more stressed until finally you revert to option 1
Do nothing and let it either be fine or not be fine.

The best one is option 3. Yes, I understand it will require some Olympic-level nerve-holding, but have ONE more conversation with him where you spell out exactly which bit is his responsibility and which yours, and then LEAVE HIM TO IT.

He will either step up or he won't. Meanwhile, you drift serenely around saying things like "that's up to you" and "whatever you decide".

he is relying on you to crack, and decide that you'd rather just do it yourself than risk the holiday being "soiled". I say let him spoil it.

SendintheArdwolves · 23/04/2018 09:48

FFS *spoiled not soiled. Although the holiday may also be soiled

Juells · 23/04/2018 09:48

I always do asoreafshert before I go on holiday. It makes all the difference.

😁

That would drive anyone insane with frustration. It chimes with a thread from a day or so ago, the OP LTB!

😁

Tiddlywinks63 · 23/04/2018 09:50

Mine's like this.
I'm actually planning a holiday on my own this year because I've had enough after years of being stressed out of my mind having to do everything.
So, I get go where I want, when I want and I cannot wait!

MatildaTheCat · 23/04/2018 09:52

On our carefully planned West Coast road trip DH deviated from my plan on day 4 and decided we should drive down to Hurst Castle and ‘find somewhere to stay nearby ‘.

Never again. After a long, long drive we spent six hours trying to find anywhere to stay. Total nightmare and we were so tired from jet lag .

Book yourself and never risk that.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/04/2018 09:53

Time limit to do it...

And then do it yourself...

Also I'd find out what availability is likely to be...

We used to be very flexible.... Although it did mean a couple of night in more expensive hotels than we would have chosen...

The most bloody frustrating thing:...wjen you have to spend time on holiday having 4o find somewhere to sleep that night.... Sometimes when busy places, it's frankly ruined the day... Otherwise we'd have slept in the car...

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